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Thread: dealing with heartless people

  1. #1
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    dealing with heartless people

    I'm so absolutely ticked off right now I could punch a hole in the wall. This is to vent a little bit and hopefully someone will calm me down!!!!

    I overheard someone saying "I'm not afraid of my spouse leaving me, no one would ever want them now b/c of the chair" What a total bunch of utter bullsh*t. I'm SO mad right now.

    Problem is this is someone I see on a semi-regular basis and had problems with looking at before b/c of the crap that's been said in the past. After this comment, I'm not quite sure I can keep my cool.

    #1 - UTTERLY UNTRUE
    #2 - They (sci) do NOT need to be made to feel that way
    #3 - how on earth am I going to be around someone who thinks this way and not comment on it.

    I'm sure a lot of people have dealt with this type person before. I would love to know how you deal with it. Even if I never get to have my say, at least I vented a little bit. Although I still want to go beat the crap out of something.

    Jodi


    "Your children make it impossible to regret your past"

  2. #2
    I knocked a man down on friday. I was in a pub and a man came up to me and was angry because I didn't speak with him. I should be grateful of his interest because I was in a chair. I told him to f*** off and leave and then he tried to hit me. Before he did it, I hit him with my fist. LOL, he was the one who was kicked out.

    I never been violent in my life and never been hitting anybody, but I got so angry when he tried to hit me, I lost my mind completly.

    Maybe not the best solution but the only one I found that moment.

    TH 12 incomplete 12-12-69.

  3. #3
    Rock on lady from Europe!! You got Balls, I like that.

  4. #4
    Luv, write the person a letter or send an e-mail if you can't trust yourself to maintain while talking to them in person. Tell them that you overheard this and that you consider this remark disloyal, untrue, and a back-stab to you. Tell them you are no longer comfortable being with them in social situations if this is their true feeling about people with disabilities (as if everyone is just damaged goods, only able to take the dregs of society on as a viable partner!). If they approach you to try to make peace, talk it out. If not, they are not worth the energy it would take to try to (probably unsuccessfully) change their mind. Drop them.

    (KLD)

  5. #5
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    Like me you're no spring chicken. I'm proud of you to.
    I'ts not over until I say it's over

    olly

  6. #6
    Member jax2bass's Avatar
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    I was in a restaraunt yesterday when this woman at the table next to my table said "the least he could do is shave," so I said out loud that my disability isn't deafness; it's paralysis. I can't believe how totally ignorant some people can be! It is as if I would be more apealling (in my chair) if I were freshly shaven.

  7. #7
    Senior Member jb's Avatar
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    u know, i'm totally paranoid w/this exact type of thing. i'm afraid to be seen in the chair. my girlfriend had me in a wedding and we went out afterwards. my boyfriend and high school sweetheart was w/me and a guy i went to hs w/said "at least he stays w/her." all that did was reinforce my self-conscious and low self esteem. good to know it's not just me.

  8. #8
    Senior Member WM's Avatar
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    I'm sure a lot of people have dealt with this type person before. I would love to know how you deal with it.
    luv, the way I have dealt with these type people is that I completely avoid situations where they are likely to be. Sometimes it's hard and makes for an inconvenience, but for me, the inconvenience or missing out on an event is well worth the peace I have found by losing these losers. From my experience telling these people how you feel doesn't help. If they are the type person who would say something like that in the first place, they are not the kind of person who is going to care how it affected you once you tell them OR change their behavior. They may even twist your words to their advantage. Like the saying "action speaks louder than words", well so goes "ABSENCE speaks louder than words". THEY will notice you do not come around ONLY when THEY aren't there. Others will notice it too. I've not spoken to some loser relatives for over two years now, nor have I attended any functions where I knew they would be. They've gotten the hint and now it's eating them up. No, not because they care about me, but it's a slap in the face for them when it's obvious to them and everyone in the family and our friends that the reason I do not come around at certain times is THEM. Yes, I miss out on some things but the sweet relief of not having these uncaring headaches in my life on a DAILY basis, FAR outweighs anything I might miss otherwise. So, I may miss this event or that, I just create my own event sans them later. I know how you feel about wanting to take them to task for what they've said, but trust me, it will eat this person alive eventually when slowly but surely, it becomes obvious to them and everyone that they are not worth your time. I think rejection is the greatest punishment. If this person approaches you and asks you WHY the abscence, I'd tell the flat out truth and not blink. Otherwise, I'd let my absence be my message to them. Good luck!

    ~~~Honesty is the best policy~~~Treat others as you would like to be treated~~~Play hard, but play fairly~~~

  9. #9
    Originally posted by jb:

    u know, i'm totally paranoid w/this exact type of thing. i'm afraid to be seen in the chair. my girlfriend had me in a wedding and we went out afterwards. my boyfriend and high school sweetheart was w/me and a guy i went to hs w/said "at least he stays w/her." all that did was reinforce my self-conscious and low self esteem. good to know it's not just me.
    jb,
    I can relate. I can't count how many people (mostly women) have said to me, "You don't know how lucky you are that your husband stays with you, most men would have left you by now". Idiots.

    Sue

  10. #10
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    OMG I am just floored by these people! What on earth is wrong with their brains?!?! I get so sick and tired of people who say I love you all the time and their actions say the total opposite. Makes me SICK!!! JB, that person was an idiot to say that to you. Shame woman from europe wasn't with you at the time!

    Jodi


    "Your children make it impossible to regret your past"

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