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Thread: When's the next flight to...ANYWHERE??

  1. #31
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    I mentioned it earlier, and a few others have .... just wondering if it has been missed in all the back and forth conversation ...

    Can you make the bed a level transfer? Either modify the legs or buy a new frame?

    Day to day transfer shouldn;t need to be uphill.
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  2. #32
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Van Quad View Post
    Your commitment leaves me in awe. Best of luck

    I agree. It's guys like you that help to convince me that there may just be 'a few good men' out there. Your wife does a lot though, I agree!
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  3. #33
    SWHarris -- please don't be offended by anything you read here. It's hard not to get defensive and some posts take a very curt tone when they are intended to be helpful (this thread is actually very mild). A lot of people leave this site because of the negative tone. But hang on, this site is a wealth of information and has really wonderful people on board.

    As a fellow caregiver, I know the stresses you are facing (my kid, not my spouse). A lot of people don't understand the emotional and physical tolls of taking care of a loved one. You should always feel free to vent here. You might try the caregivers forum that is limited to caregivers.

    Hang in there.

    P.S.
    I do agree that lowering the bed is a good idea. I've cut the legs off tables and whatnot to adjust the height. Even just a bed frame and mattress set might be better.
    Ugh, I've been kissed by a dog!
    Get some hot water, get some iodine ...
    -- Lucy VanPelt

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by lynnifer View Post
    I agree. It's guys like you that help to convince me that there may just be 'a few good men' out there. Your wife does a lot though, I agree!
    so true!! all u really hear about r those men who cheat and whatnot and dont really hear about those couples who go through thick and thin together.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

  5. #35

    you cant do it all...

    You need to get help with her care....you need to let go..... for her sake and yours!!!

  6. #36
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Good thread.

    I wonder how many of us spouses would admit to the occasional fantasy of just driving away from it all?

    It's one of many that I give in to now and again . . . just a drift into some potential alternate universe. Other favorites include the one where he gets to be in another rehab clinical trial, and regains balance enough to run, or the one where I can trade with him, every other week, ab for da, so that this is not such a lopsided thing we live out, or the one where by some miracle of determination and knowledge and luck, there really is a therapy that makes all of this a distant memory.

    In any case, thanks for the post. I think it was brave, and what I hear in your responses is the voice of someone strong and savvy who loves his wife & wants to be feel some optimism. You don't need advice as much as friends, and I'm glad you spoke up.

  7. #37
    Thank you all for your great suggestions, comments, honest opinions and kind words. All are appreciated and accepted.

    Not sure why we've never cut the legs off the bed(I think it's because of the stuff we have stored under there), but I need to get on that ASAP. At the first of the year she was able to qualify for a back to work assistance program the state of CA has (don't ask me how in these times it was funded, but it was thank God) and they are getting her a proper chair. Currently she has a modified scooter chair. The new one will have ped/tilt/recline so that one hiccup of a transfer will not be an issue.

    Kate, I love those fantasy's, and you're right my comments that night were an outburst of built up frustration and though I do need to address them, I won't be running away in real life any time soon ;-)

    Cryptic, well I can tell you are one of a kind. That's a good thing... I think, but I see you could give a flying f*ck what I think...that's cool, haha. I appreciate your point of view and your thoughts anyway.

    I am a bit surprised by all the response but like I said earlier, I appreciate the sincere concern and comments no matter if I agree or not :-) THANK YOU!

  8. #38
    I've had a few "stop the world, I want to get off" days myself.

  9. #39
    The thing that made me like to hang around other wheelers was finding out how much fun I could have. My favorite is the annual water-skiing clinic. It is heaven to get out there and feel normal.

    I learned a lot when I met other gimps. I was floundering, they saved me, just by letting me watch.

    As far as people go, they're like everybody. Some rock, some suck, most are ok. But they know a great deal that she needs to learn, although she doesn't know it yet.

    So I think the sci support groups are a good idea but you might want to try the backdoor approach. Wait until they offer an activity she'll enjoy, maybe sailing, bowling, trying out new wheelchairs. (I don't care if i never bowl again, funny to watch others tho! )

    A lot of sci's don't want to hear about cure research. It's not unusual.

    Make her feel pretty, desirable, useful, necessary. Women pay a helluva price w/ sci, and a blow to vanity is hard. It's really important to make her feel sexy, however that happens at your house. I think you're doing great, and venting is good. You do need to make some changes before the house of cards falls down, tho. Even ab, working moms/wives have far too much to do. I can't imagine her not feeling overwhelmed much of the time. You could take a lot of pressure off you both by hiring help for personal care or at least housework, shopping.

    Just keep on plugging. You've gotten excellent advice from experts. We're a motley bunch but we are sure experts at this.

    Oh yeah, I couldn't stomach CC at first. It was too gritty, too real, and the Care forum scared me witless! (I was right. SCI is brutal, only idiots aren't scared.)

    I'm also independent and I get angry due to frustration. We were laughing last night...About 2 yrs post-sci, I was trying to open a fresh canister of Clorox wipes. My 13 yr old came around the corner to find me sobbing and beating it against the cabinet. I wanted to KILL the Clorox wipes. Basically, somebody may get their feelings hurt when too many obstacles are placed in front of an independent woman. Try not to take it personally, it's not you she's mad at. (Except for those normal married moments when you're being a PIA spouse-then listen closely LOL.)

    One great thing about CC-You might not hear what you want to hear, but at least in threads like these, it all comes from a place of caring. I imagine it's unusual for an online message board but it is legit.
    Last edited by betheny; 04-28-2010 at 12:27 AM.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by swharris View Post
    Thank you all for your great suggestions, comments, honest opinions and kind words. All are appreciated and accepted.

    Not sure why we've never cut the legs off the bed(I think it's because of the stuff we have stored under there), but I need to get on that ASAP. At the first of the year she was able to qualify for a back to work assistance program the state of CA has (don't ask me how in these times it was funded, but it was thank God) and they are getting her a proper chair. Currently she has a modified scooter chair. The new one will have ped/tilt/recline so that one hiccup of a transfer will not be an issue.

    Kate, I love those fantasy's, and you're right my comments that night were an outburst of built up frustration and though I do need to address them, I won't be running away in real life any time soon ;-)

    Cryptic, well I can tell you are one of a kind. That's a good thing... I think, but I see you could give a flying f*ck what I think...that's cool, haha. I appreciate your point of view and your thoughts anyway.

    I am a bit surprised by all the response but like I said earlier, I appreciate the sincere concern and comments no matter if I agree or not :-) THANK YOU!
    lol lol lol! i woke my kitty up by laughing at your comment. i care what you think, or else i wouldnt respond, i just dont care about a "cure". thanks, my mom is still deciding if me being one of a kind is good or not lol.

    i look at my apartment and go "geez, it's just me and the cat but how did i accumulate so much crap??" i cant imagine having a family so under the bed seems like a good place to store stuff. enjoy the spring cleaning! NOT!

    wow a new chair!!!! that will help loads, i am sure. never ask the why behind such things, take anything offered to you and run away lol!
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

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