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Thread: It's official ...

  1. #21
    Senior Member
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    Originally posted by DA:

    home schooling. a tutor.
    Homeschooling ... I would if I could. Not possible anymore.

  2. #22
    Martha
    How did he take your divorce? One man told me years ago when my brother got divorced that it would tear my family apart, he was right, Does he have much self esteem? I have a brother-in-law who has a learning disabbility and my wife drives a school bus for those and is a teacher's aid with them and just loves and helps those a great deal.
    He may just need some special attention because of the divorce. You got a good kid!!! Have you ever tried counseling with him?
    Just thought I might be able to help! Kid's are one of my biggest wouldn't call it a downfall but I just Love them and hate to see'em hurt
    Duge
    Btw like you avitar!!!

    T-12 incomplete 10-3-02

  3. #23
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    Duge, thanks so much for your concern. Yep ... he's a great kid. He took the divorce hard, but we all did. It's been a rough time for all of us. So, unfortunately, while he was struggling and hurting, so was his mom, who was the only person around to support him. I couldn't function like the mother I had been for so many years. I believe this compounded his fear, anger, frustration, etc. even more. However, at one point, ALL of us were in counseling. So he got some help.

  4. #24
    Martha-

    Good call on getting him into Sylvan. You're on the right track with his education, now you need to get him emotional help. At his age, he doesn't need just some counseling he needs more than you or your ex. It needs to be consistent, as well. Getting him involved in a sports league, art class, or camp type thing would be a good idea, too. Then he could socialize with kids his own age outside the school setting and play catch-up. But, in my opinion he needs to be in consistent counseling. As much as this divorce has crippled everyone involved he was the only without a choice in the matter. His WHOLE world, the only world he knows has been torn to shreds, he sounds like he literally doesn't know what to do with himself, he doesn't know who to trust. When my parents divorced my middle sister was Ruslan's age and they never put us in counseling and I see the affect that had on her, on us all. It's not pretty. So, I would suggest consistent counseling apart from any counseling you get. Someone who just focuses on him. He sounds like a great kid- good luck getting him through this!

  5. #25
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    Hey Kimmy, thanks for the post. Yeah he's getting all the help possible right now. At times I get scared and discouraged because I see unhealthy behavior. For instance at almost 12 year old he comes up to me talking in a baby voice holding one of his stuff animals and tells me that "Brown" is scared or needs a kiss or wants me to hold him. Of course that usually means HE needs those things, so both get some special attention. I've been advised though that when he starts acting like this that I'm to talk to the 12 year old, not the 4 year old. Say, "Hey! Where's my big Ruslan? I want to talk to him! " This seems to draw him back into reality.

    Seems Ruslan reverts back to that age when we first adopted him ... things were so stable and secure in our home--or at least seemed to be. Guess there are times I want to go back to that fantasy too, but we can't. Period.

    He's also been involved in activities this summer with boys his age. It's an adjustment for him, but it's a good environment, so I'm encouraged. It will take time. Like you said, his world was ripped apart, and he's got to feel like he's in control of something.

    Funny, he'll be 4 one moment and then he's 40! ... correcting my driving, telling me when I'm speeding. Wants to be a state trooper when he grows up, so I guess he's on his way!

  6. #26
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    Ruslan has been in summer school, and it's been a struggle for him. He's been so stressed that he's lost 6 pounds, according to doc appt he had yesterday. He couldn't eat, would cry at night, started developing symptoms of hypochondria. He's in counseling. Turns out at school he's a bully magnet, and he lets them get to him. He even cries in front of them.

    This is testing week. If he passes, he'll be able to move on to the 5th grade. He needs prayer, kharma, light, vibes, positive thoughts, cosmic hugs ... anything and everything! Thanks.

  7. #27
    Martha, I don't know what to say, I had my youngest who kinda was like that Bully magnet
    I don't know what to tell you, I know he has to really feel bad. It's too bad that schools put that kind of pressure on kid's. Then also they should keep a watch out for those who do the Bullying You and I both know they know the ones that do it. If they would get to those kid's maybe it might stop! My son hated school the whole time and he finally graduated this past spring"what a releif" But I hope he passes tell him to just keep saying to himself "I will pass this test" and he will he's got to stay positive. Otherwise, Have you thought of home schooling, I know it's not a easy thing for you being single. I will be praying for him to pass
    Doug

    T-12 incomplete 10-3-02

  8. #28
    Senior Member Broknwing's Avatar
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    Martha-
    I will keep Ruslan in my prayers. I don't have any insight on this one, but I hope that something works itself out & he can get away from the bullys. It stinks that the determination of wether or not he'll go to 5th grade is solely on testing. I know that a lot of people have problems w/taking tests. They should really take into account the effort that he is putting in to passing summer school. Please keep us updated. You guys are in my prayers.

    'Chelle
    L-1 inc 11/24/03

  9. #29
    Martha

    I send some good thoughts and a lot of vibes to Ruslan and I hope he is making the test.

    TH 12 incomplete 12-12-69.

  10. #30
    Martha-

    In a way it is good Ruslan internalizes this stuff. There is no tolerance for kids defending themselves at school anymore. Jake used to attract bullies too. He was always so happy-go-lucky, right up until he snapped and wasn't. The bullies, regardless of size, always wondered how they wound up on the ground with the former target whalin' on them. And I always wondered how we wound up in the principal's office.

    I feel so bad for Ruslan. There MUST be a better way.

    When you have time to surf, here is a page of links for LD stuff. I know he isn't technically LD, but they cover ADD and other issues also. The new Links for Parents I posted a few days ago has many links for LD kids as well as physical disabilities. (Thank you Dana and Chris Reeve. )

    LD links

    C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

    [This message was edited by Betheny on 07-07-04 at 12:27 PM.]

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