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Thread: Money :((

  1. #11
    Ouch. I feel for you.

    If it is a loan which will allow you to somehow financially get ahead, be on more solid footing, consider going somewhere for it if: 1) you are CERTAIN you can repay it within a reasonable period of time (months not years); 2) this will not in any way change your relationship with the person or persons from whom you request the funds; 3) it will not challenge the other person's finances or create a hardship in any manner; 4) you agree to pay interest on the amount borrowed and you actually pay it each month in addition to the principle.

    Do NOT borrow the money if: 1) this is to pay mounting credit card debt you are unable to otherwise pay; 2) you are already using plastic to pay for your day to day expenses; 3) the funds borrowed are for living expenses; 4) the money is not for a specific item or project which is easily identified as something which will significantly improve your situation or quality of life.

    I feel for you and Bill, J.

    Are there any choices other than family? If this is a short-term loan for a quick repair on a vehicle or the house, what about a loan from a company or bank? If this is for anything for Bill, is it possible to get funding for whatever this is from a foundation or community group?

    I don't envy you.

    Sending many good thoughts and positive vibes your way.

  2. #12
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    Also check out www.modestneeds.org .... its amazing. i donate every month.

  3. #13
    I was thinking about this today Obieone. I wish someone would just offer to help you with no strings. Money is the most touchy thing with friends and relatives.
    When Dave was in rehab and I was staying with him there I had no idea what was going to happen with finances. One of my cousins who I know does not have a lot sent me $20 several times and told me to buy some good food. The whole time I was there no one in his family even asked if I needed food money etc. I will never forget that.

  4. #14
    My father (when alive) always worried about having sufficient money to pay for attendant care for my mother...it was the reason he put off doing this for many years with much added physical and mental stress to him, in spite of our urgings.

    He always was so concerned that he wanted to leave us an inheritence, which both of us assured him that 1) he did not owe us, and 2) we did not need. We told him that he paid to educate us so we had good careers with good income, and that was his inheritance from him to us.

    My sister and I were finally able to convince him that he needed to spend the money from their retirement savings for this both for his health and for my mother's. We told them that if they ever got into rough financial straits (unlikely) that we both had good incomes and would help out, in addition to helping to make arrangements for a reverse mortgage if that would ever be needed.

    Now that he is gone, we manage my mother's finances and attendant and medical needs, and yes, I often pay for groceries, repairs around the house or with the van, and other expenses. Fortunately we are able to do that, and do not begrudge doing so.

    Many families are not in the position to do this, or don't have the relationship where they feel the obligation to do so. If family is willing and able to help out with care, respite coverage, or financially, then I don't feel that it is inappropriate to ask (or offer).

    (KLD)

  5. #15
    I am sorry. I have been there when the children get 18 and I loose the child support and money from my disability money and the children still stay at home, going on school. I have taken loans on my appartment to survieve,

    I could never ask my mother or father for money and I have never gotten anything either. But the moment my mother got in the nursing home and my father died and I saw she alone was getting three times more than me in the month, I started to wonder why she never did help me when I was broke. But she never felt any obligation to help the children and me and I still wonder how much money she got when she was working. But when I was small, I remember she was getting money from her parents when she and my father was broke.

    Family are strange sometimes. We don't choose them you know.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  6. #16
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    I soo feel your pain. I wish I had the answers but it wasn't too long ago that I had to refinance everything, I had over 20,000 in credit card bills. That was from meds, modifications, equipment, etc. that David needed. What are you supposed to do? You need it and the plastic is there. Fortunately I had enough equity in the house that I was able to refinance everything and get it all on the mortgage. Davids family has never once offered anything. My family has offered and I have asked but it is always paid back.

  7. #17
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Thank you ... thank you for your responses .... it seems to have struck a chord with many of you !

    I spend some of my time day dreaming and imagining what I would do if I had money to share knowing what I know now ...... I do believe I would actively seek out those in need and simply give no questions asked .... anonymously . My sister once gave us some money when I asked for some help a few years ago .... they have been very blessed in their life financially .... it was so amazing ... her only question was where to drop off the cheque ... not a single other question .... just a hug to go with.

    I do understand the philosophy of earning and appreciating and not taking for granted ..... its been the story of my life ... not much has come easy for me/us ... although to be fair we have had one or two freebies and man that was nice !! Everyone in our family works ... I am happy to say we managed to instill a strong work ethic in all our kids (it's the spending part that needs a little work )

    Ironically enough I work in a bank and have broken every rule I knew .... but its funny what you'll do to survive .. even with my drug program the copay still adds up !

    I really appreciate you taking the time to respond ..... I don't know what I'm going to do yet ..... has anyone had any experience with credit council ling ????? exactly what is it they do ?????? do you pay them or do they take a cut ????

    Obie
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  8. #18
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Joyce, ouch.

    We had a few years of living off savings, plus his dad paid for the first year or so of PT that our insurance didn't cover. I remember the conversation very well . . . we sat down with them at our kitchen table and went through a budget. We could afford everything except the PT ourselves, and so he just said to send him the bills. I did, and never gave it another thought -- but part of that was knowing he could afford it.

    Nobody in my own family had anything to offer, and I wouldn't have dreamed of asking them.

    A huge gift, and a life lesson for me. That's how you help family with money. You find out their situation and then you offer what you can, no strings and no bullshit.

    Two years post, I went to work in a Starbuck's for the benefits (offered to all part time employees) because our monthly insurance premium was more than the mortgage on our house. Unlike Bill, he was able to get back to work after about 3 years, so -- at least for now -- it's okay again.

    It sounds like you're talking about an ongoing deficit of the kind we had in the beginning . . . is that right?

    God, I'm so sorry it's like this!

  9. #19
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    Well... Joyce... let's see... I asked my mom for money once (I was desperate) and was turned down. I was so mad that we didn't speak for 3 years, which I really regret. I borrowed money years ago from my brother (who is very wealthy) and paid it back quickly. But I must say the relationship was never the same. Sooo... that's my 2 cents. Luckily... Don had insurance when he was hurt and is also covered at the VA so I count us very lucky.
    My thoughts are with you...

    Sieg

  10. #20
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Yes ..... you and kate nailed it .... no strings and no bullshit ... we had similar situations in the early days as well .. from people who I never would have imagined and who had no vested interest in our well being what so ever ... it was such a comfort ... I pray to pay it forward someday ... with all my heart ...

    Obie
    (I admit to buying the odd lottery ticket .... a girls' gotta dream !!)



    Quote Originally Posted by LindaT View Post
    I was thinking about this today Obieone. I wish someone would just offer to help you with no strings. Money is the most touchy thing with friends and relatives.
    When Dave was in rehab and I was staying with him there I had no idea what was going to happen with finances. One of my cousins who I know does not have a lot sent me $20 several times and told me to buy some good food. The whole time I was there no one in his family even asked if I needed food money etc. I will never forget that.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

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