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Thread: Money :((

  1. #1
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001

    Unhappy Money :((

    I'm sort of curious .... how do you folks feel about families and finances. If you found yourself in a semi desperate situation and had to go searching for help from somewhere would asking family for help be at the top of your list or at the bottom??

    The thing that bothers me the most I think is the feeling of obligation it creates and then down the road resentment ..... my experience has been mostly that family and friends are quick to say ..... "if you ever need help - just ask!!!" ..... but then when you do it comes with a mess of questions and justifcation that can be very uncomfortable. I'm just wondering what other peoples experience has been in this area.

    We never had insurance when Bill got hurt so our life has been an on going struggle and every time a child leaves the nest his disability pension is reduced ... so needless to say we live pay cheque to pay cheque ... I work 2 part time jobs and we've downsized considerably but I'm afraid we're drowning in plastic ....

    How do you all manage ....... any one have any ideas to share ..... I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts ????

    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi

    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  2. #2
    Senior Member McDuff's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Dallas area, Tx
    Ooooh, this one is a can of potential worms;

    First, sorry that you are in need of asking this question.

    The variables involved are immense, but really come down to two.

    1. The family members interaction prior to "the loan".
    2. Can the family member comfortably afford to loan the money.

    I come from a very close family of 9 kids. We have gatherings all the time(just got back from a niece's wedding in Louisiana) and everybody gets along, even in-laws. Some of the family have done really well in life.

    There are a few family loans in place currently. Some are secured loans and others unsecured. There is no broadcasting of these, but usually makes it thru the grapevine anyway, so be prepared for others to know of it.

    If going for an unsecured loan, the lender must be prepared for the possibility that the loan terms might need to be modified, or potentially be defaulted, if the worst were to come to pass. So they must be financially stable enough to not need that money, ever.

    And of course, for family harmony, the lender must never have the idea of "Lording" the loan over the borrower.

    In our family it works out great. Only you can gauge whether or not the family dynamics are "right" for this in your family.
    "a T10, who'd Rather be ridin'; than rollin'"

  3. #3
    From The Golden Girls:

    Sophia: If you can't count on family, who the hell can you count on?

    (Blanche looks at her sister, who is seeking a kidney due to renal failure)

    Blanche: She's Italian.

  4. #4
    My folks have bailed me out more than I'd care to admit, and they are not wealthy people. I hope to be able to repay them in the somewhat near future. I also hope that if the need ever arises we can bail out our kids the same way, but at the moment we're still in debt.

  5. #5
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    North Carolina, USA
    No advice, but (((( hugs ))))) what a terrible situation to be in.

  6. #6
    Senior Member fishin'guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Seattle area Wash state
    Oh boy do I know that feeling. First of all, we can borrow from a sis-in-law(very careful of staying on the QT), pay her back $100. bucks a month, because other sis in law is a crap about lending money, it's always her nose outta shape if we borrow from her parents who are filthy rich, but NEVER go there as the family is so judgemental. Judgemantal, ha I've got an ongoing illness, paraplegia, and had dr perscrip last yr totaled 3800. last year. Gawd, I wanted a few bucks outta the dr, but lawyer said nope, he's too respected.
    Orangello, it's the pits, you know, all you can do is just month to month, but it's so stressfull week to week, living close to the edge. Do you have any food bank close by, it helps with a small amt just to get by.
    We've changed the way we eat, meanwhile, i've been diag, with diabetes, and a rash of other crap, gawd, gotta stop going to the doc.
    You are in my prayers, I hope it gets easier(tho the only way out seems to be the 350,000, life ins policy, on me!) it really tears at me, hope you get to an easier spot in your life.

  7. #7
    Obie-There are too many variables. My father is wealthy. To date, I have tried to borrow $200.00 from him (in 1979). I was turned down.

    I'll live under a bridge before asking them for $$. I love them, they love me, but they are self-made $$ and very controlling. They're masters of "Lording it over" the borrowers, at McDuff put it so well. I'd never do it. Dad owns 97% of a bank and we're not allowed to borrow from it, even LOL. My brothers defaulted too many times.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Obie, we have borrowed from family before. In the past, and again right after I was hurt, and my husband was out of work (don;t good things always come together)

    The second time it was offered tho, we didn;t ask, I am not sure if that made a difference or not?

    (I am assuming here "semi-desperate" means a typical home equity type loan is out of the question ..... and that "desperate" would take it to the DUH! level .....)
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  9. #9
    Senior Member brucec's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Virginia Beach, Va
    Family is always (usually) there in the hard times
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

  10. #10
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada

    But do I hear fundraiser? Yes! People would understand .. Bill's length of injury, price of equipment, current state of the economy, etc.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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