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Thread: Suicidal reaching out

  1. #1

    Suicidal reaching out

    I'm too tired. Pain 10 all the time. CP, Degen discs, stenosis, compression (no surgical option)

    Recluse.

    Sorry to whine. anyone like to talk this week? If you don't have truly noxious pain or you get relief through meds I don't think you can really grasp where I am.

    btw suicide hotlines are not viable. I understand suicide is a permanent solution to an OFTEN temporary problem, almost 6 years now, this is not a temporary problem.

    Please don't quote the bible I have faith and go to church when possible, Christ asked to be relieved of his burden and I'm not so good as He.

    I'm loosing the battle. Ketamine stopped the little it did. I feel I am done
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  2. #2
    Bill

    I can't pretend to understand the physical pain you're in. I've had pain but it's never been that consistent.

    I can understand the pain you're going through in terms of debating suicide with yourself though. Have been there - totally rationally - many times and yet I'm still here.

    Happy to talk if you want to PM me.

    Paul
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  3. #3
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    You're right Bill, those of us that don't have pain can't imagine what you guys are suffering and we should, and I certainly do, thank our stars daily.

    All I can say is please, please, please, try to hang on in there, if nothing else your family need you more than you can ever imagine, I know it's hard to think this way when you've hit the buffers like you have now but it's true.

    Take it one hour at a time, you've been close to this point before you know you can beat it.

  4. #4
    Bill,

    I completely understand where you are at! I always wonder how long I will be able to deal with this pain. I wish that I could help in some way . Timaru has it right, your family needs you more then you can even imagine. I have been in the clutches of suicide multiple times and am never able to see how much others love me once I am in the depths of suicidal thoughts.

    Please know that I am here to talk if you need to!!

    Becky
    T8-9 according to latest scoring.......
    since 1/3/04

    I am the best at being me. No matter how that happens to be!!

  5. #5
    Hi Bill:
    Can you share with me here what your wife thinks of your situation right now? Does she know how suicidal you are? She is there 'on the ground' and I hope is sharing this with you.
    Do you have a mental health counselor/ therapist, I can't remember?

    My heart goes out to you. I wish I could take some of the burden away somehow.

  6. #6
    Senior Member djrolling's Avatar
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    I got nothing...I am not even close to being in your shoes.. I have wanted to die before but really that is not correct...I never want to die but there are times that I do not want to live in my current circumstances...I really do not know what to say...but I guess that is evident...

  7. #7
    I don't know if it helps to know people care, but lots of people here do.. I do. I'm afraid you need more help than I, or we, can give, but we can try. My mom tried to commit suicide when I was a kid. I'm so grateful she didn't succeed. Her last years were extreme pain but I think she was glad she had them.

    Try not to let this be your legacy, Bill.

  8. #8
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    This life is the only go round we get Bill. And it only lasts about as long as one-trillionth of a microsecond when compared to the eternity of death.

    Think about the impact on your family.

    Life is so hard sometimes, I think most people with SCI and its inherent collateral conditions have been where you're at. It's always best to choose life because because sometimes joy and relief can come as fast as a lightning bolt, from out of the blue. Stay strong.
    Please donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org.
    Copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

    Thanks!

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by bollefen View Post
    btw suicide hotlines are not viable. I understand suicide is a permanent solution to an OFTEN temporary problem, almost 6 years now, this is not a temporary problem.
    "Suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem." I've always hated that platitude. It assumes all people commit suicide over temporary issues.

    However, to address you, bollefen, I would definitely seek out more alternatives before doing the ultimate act. I'm not promising you any will work, but I'm trying to encourage to maybe find something that you may not have found yet. Are you able to get medical marijuana? Tried all Rx pain medicines? Tried all anti-inflammatories?


  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by rdf View Post
    This life is the only go round we get Bill. And it only lasts about as long as one-trillionth of a microsecond when compared to the eternity of death.
    Death is inevitable, though, so why rail against the inevitable if what you have in your lot is already so painful as to make the inevitable seem ideal in comparison? I'm not encouraging suicide here, but only empathizing with those who're agitated by its power and also those who've done it.

    I hate the stigma of suicide. If someone does something stupid and dies by accident, we all call it a tragedy and have such compassion for the dead idiot. However, if someone purposely ends his life, we seek to judge and think of how awful it is for those left living. Seems a bit paradoxical.


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