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Thread: wife learning bowel program for husband

  1. #51
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crypticgimp View Post
    ............
    sry to rant but this is so dear to my heart. ask.ask.ask.ask.ask! the only stupid question is the one that goes unasked.

    i also forgot the spouses. GO YOU!!!!!

    Crypticgimp .... thank you so much for your honesty ... but I'm so sorry for what you had to endure as a child. As parents we probably all have done some thing we're ashamed of but I suspect your Mom now lives in her own personal hell for what she put you through ..... for you to be so forgiving and understanding of all that was going on in her life at that time shows a level of maturity few of us ever attain.

    You are a very special person Crypt and I am so glad you found us .... how fortunate are we here at CC that you are willing to share such intimate details of your life with us ..... I hope we too enrich your life in some small way ..... blessings ......

    Obieone
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  2. #52
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    I was just thinking .... maybe your Mom working with mentally challenged kids now is an attempt to try and repair all that bad karma she created raising you .... we can never go back but when we know better we do better (is my prayer) ....... not making excuses for her but she must have had a real battle going on in her head and there was very little emotional support for people having to deal with all those difficult aspects of sci then !

    Obie
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obieone View Post
    I was just thinking .... maybe your Mom working with mentally challenged kids now is an attempt to try and repair all that bad karma she created raising you .... we can never go back but when we know better we do better (is my prayer) ....... not making excuses for her but she must have had a real battle going on in her head and there was very little emotional support for people having to deal with all those difficult aspects of sci then !

    Obie
    i think so too, partly. i just hope i can add something to the table, warn ppl that it doesnt have to get bad, that it's ok to feel grossed out or mortified and there are ppl there who know where ur coming from.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

  4. #54
    Quote Originally Posted by Obieone View Post
    Don't be sorry to admit anything SW ..... each situation is unique and what works for some can't or won't work for others ... there are just too many factors involved. I don't want anyone to come away from this discussion feeling inadequate or like they love their partner any less for not being able to cope with managing a bowel program. We are not robots and we come with a miriad of feelings and experiences that allow us to navigate the muddy waters of sci ..... feeling supported and understood are so important ..... we here in caregiving should know that better than most.

    Obieone
    Obieone said exactly what I would if I were able to articulate as well.
    Sorry to piggyback Obie.

  5. #55
    Great stories and experiences voiced. Amazing resolve of the human spirit.

    To me, it all speaks to the word: independence. The more independent, the more empowered, in all aspects of life.

    Dependency, especially when it involves bodily functions, is a tricky situation that, from what I've experienced and witnessed, usually ends up in resentful / fractured relationships no matter how much someone "loves" another. It's really tough to consistently navigate week after week, month after month, etc.

    Obviously, in some cases, it's a necessary necessity and reflective of each person's unique position / situation. However even the highest level of injuries / disabilities can attain, if not improved independence, at least improved dependence by utilizing current medical products and procedures for better / easier (on the caregiver) methods of bowel / bladder care that significantly improve the physical, psychological, emotional dynamics that inevitably arise and challenge the relationship.

    Personally, I think that everyone with a physical disability, not a cognitive one, should strive for every shred of independence they can attain. I applaud those who do and have great respect for them.

    Good luck to all, onward and upward.

  6. #56
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    Hope I can help

    My husband is c-5 c-7 imcomplete sci for 11 yrs now . The first year I did everything my self. I just jumped in there steming /suppositorys . He did use a bed side commode but he also had a lot of accidents . But honestly you figure it out . It not as bad as it seems. I have done things for him I could never imagine doing .. People tell me my calling is to be a nurse . lol I say no thats not for me . I also use baby wipes and a garbage can with a good plastic bag. We also have disposable under pads . He is lucky to have the insurance pay for them . Lately life has changed and he has a lot of accidents and Im still doing it my self .You learn as you go what you dont know you ask . I have done everything from home iv for uti to wound care it all seems over whelming but if you are willing to stick in there then good for you and good luck.

  7. #57
    Personally, I think that everyone with a physical disability, not a cognitive one, should strive for every shred of independence they can attain. I applaud those who do and have great respect for them.
    EVERYONE with a disability, regrdless of the type, should have the right and opportunity to become as independent as possible.
    It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

    ~Julius Caesar


  8. #58
    thehipcrip: my point is/was that sometimes a cognitive disability such as a TBI doesn't allow the individual to gain independence because cognitively they don't know how. Of course everyone is allowed but whether they can or cannot perform their ADL's obviously has a big impact on their independence.

  9. #59
    still waiting for u to PM me. i can give u a lot of good ideas for ur husband.

  10. #60
    good luck
    Last edited by spike; 06-29-2010 at 10:47 PM.

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