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Thread: wife learning bowel program for husband

  1. #21
    TheDuder-I am really impressed with your post and pictures. Well done and good information.

  2. #22
    Thanks again to everyone for your advice and support. I now have more confidence going into this and I will be pushing the rehab centre for better care. I know things will get easier with time.
    I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by LindaT View Post
    TheDuder-I am really impressed with your post and pictures. Well done and good information.
    Well, i hope it can help them. I just remember after first getting paralyzed that the whole bowel routine stuff was mortifying to me. I nearly died from a collapsed lung in ICU and was so drugged up, i never even knew a bowel routine was being done to me. Once awake in rehab and nurses were doing it, i wanted to die from humiliation, especially the whole sticking their finger up my ass part to dig out crap. Even worse was i had a few smoking hot nurses back then. Here i'm super attracted to these nurses, but they are digging in my ass for crap. Wow that was pure torture and i dreaded it each time it was done. Then as i was nearing the end of inpatient rehab, i was dreading the thought of being home and one day an aide not showing up and my girlfriend at the time or my mom/sister having to do a bowel routine on me. Dreading that was a massive understatement.

    So i talked to an OT i was working with and shared my worries with her. This was very hard to do because she was an OT student and smoking hot also. Plus, she seemed to be flirty with me, thus it wasn't easy to ask her to help me come up with a way to crap more independently because even with my injury at the time, i still thought like a 21 year old horndog male that wanted to get in the pants of any cute girl.

    She did some research and got me the tools i showed in my earlier post. I couldn't transfer fully by myself then, but nurses/aides helped me get on a commode chair instead of doing my BP in bed. This allowed me to practice doing some of my bowel routine on my own while still in rehab so that once i got home, thankfully i never once had to have my girlfriend, mom, sister, or home health aide ever do finger digging in my booty. I refined the whole routine the more i did it through practice at home, but that sense of terror while in rehab of one day a family member or hot aide having to put their finger where it don't belong unless there is fun and pleasure involved pushed me to not just settle with my BP being done for me, but instead to find a way ASAP to do as much of it on my own. So if i can help any other quad avoid that humiliation along with a wife/girlfriend/mom etc, i'd be happy to have helped because i pretty much had to figure out my current routine on my own. Not that it's brain surgery, but a lot of different things are going through your mind early after injury.

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by SCI-Nurse View Post
    Learning to do it, and being responsible for doing it on a regular basis are two different things. I think it is helpful for a family member who is a spouse to learn how to do it, so that you can do it in a pinch, or supervise a personal care attendant doing it, but I would really discourage you both, if possible from you doing this on a regular basis. Get a caregiver for this care if you can. It is very difficult, impossible for many, to maintain a lover/sexual relationship with the person that you do bowel care for. Bladder care is similar.

    Many people with a C6-7 injury learn to do most if not all of their own bowel care with the proper adaptive equipment such as a suppository inserter and digital stimulator, as well as a "toilet aid" for clean up. Has he been issued these tools and taught how to use them??

    I'm always with KLD on this one. Nothing is more unsexy than handling shit, unless your partner or spouse has a fetish for scat (but that's for another thread).

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais View Post
    I'm always with KLD on this one. Nothing is more unsexy than handling shit, unless your partner or spouse has a fetish for scat (but that's for another thread).

    I agree with you both, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
    There are no agencies in our area that will take someone with Dave's needs and once anyone who answers an ad finds out about this or giving a shower with a tracheaen the hoyer lift they say no. We have tried everything from Craig's list,ads at college with nursing programs etc. The social worker was shocked when she tried helping us after Dave's summer hospital stay. We started a waiver program in Jan and can pay up to $15.00 and hour.
    We are lucky to have found 2 great aides that come alternate days M-F. I wish we could clone them!
    Once in a while they have an emergency or sick kid and is just us again.
    Last edited by LindaT; 03-24-2010 at 01:20 PM. Reason: adding

  6. #26
    I can so relate to where you are right now. My husband is T-4 complete. It has been 4 years since his injury. He has good use of his right hand and arm, good strong left arm but left hand is limited. I haven't seen this on anyone's post so far but about a year ago our primary care physician recommended we consider a colostomy. After a lot of discussion we decided to have it done. It has absolutely been the best decision, for us. Before, we did his bowl program at night. We had to allow about 2 hours to get that done, his bladder, and just getting ready for bed. If we went out to dinner and came home late, we were so late going to bed. The colostomy is so easy and time saving. Can someone tell me why this isn't offered in the beginning? I understand not wanting to do surgery so soon after an injury but we were never even told about this. Just wanted to say also, that I have found that YOU MUST take control and ask questions when it comes to your medical care. I have found that when Kenny has been in the hospital since leaving rehab, I had to basically teach the staff about how we managed the bowl program, bladder, etc. We are very fortunate that our primary care physician is very close to our situation since his father had a similar injury. We do live in a small town and have the luxury of knowing our medical people well but still, I have found that most hospitals, especially in smaller towns, don't know how to deal with our situation very well, you have to stay on top of things.

  7. #27
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    God bless the PSW with long slim fingers!

    newwife I see you are in Ontario. Do you know about ODSP yet. I am a pro at it through work. You can get far more than two hours a day. ODSP will cover all the costs of supplies, equipment etc. You can also own your home and have assets while on it.

    and another poster was right about not admitting to being able to do it. I always claim bad back. Because if I keep doing 100% of everything it will be bad!

    There is also the RRAP program to pay for housing concerns. I found out about this after I put a new roof on - grr. They would have paid almost all of it. March of Dimes has a program for vans. And there is a dependant caregivers tax credit as well. Save all the reciepts for anything that has to do with his care - tax deductions galore.

    There is a lot of funding out there and they do not tell you about it - you have to find it - the buggers make you hunt high and low for it. If you need any info please just ask.

  8. #28
    Nobody's mentioned it yet and it may be a little premature for consideration but quite a few of us quads on CC have had reversible colostomy's to eliminate all of the problems, challenges, discomfort, frustrations, humiliations, mortifications, etc., etc. Having been injured 10yrs now and having met 100's of other sci patients and families I do not know of any husband/wife relationship that has endured the bowel program dynamic beyond a few months to 1yr+. It's a strange reality and exceptional commitment and compassion to be the primary caregiver. For some there is no choice and that's understandable. And in an emergency I think it's reasonable to do bowel care. However, and I think most couples will agree, it's probably going to enhance the quality of your marriage and relationship if there is a hired caregiver to assist.

    A colostomy is a VERY reasonable option and will help immensely in terms of quality of life, schedule, dietary needs, intimacy versus having your partner put their finger up your ass to digitally remove feces. Sugarcoat it all you want but that it is the reality and no one that I've met or know can manage it for an extended period of time.

    Good luck.

    Onward and upward.

  9. #29
    I second what Chris said. Mine lasted about 2 yrs after injury, then went deep south.

    Six guys I met in all my rehab that I stay in touch with, five are single now because of just that.

    IMHO, take KLD's advice.
    Last edited by DIGGER; 04-01-2010 at 04:46 PM.

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by LindaT View Post
    I agree with you both, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
    Absolutely. I know that. I just know that I wouldn't want my mate doing that for me, but I also realize we sometimes just need to be humble and receive help when needed.

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