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Thread: buyers' remorse

  1. #1

    buyers' remorse

    ok...I need some advice, if anyone is willing to offer some. Occasionally I do stick to women...although I find dating women is TERRIBLY complicated as opposed to men. But let's consider two repeat scenarios in my life...

    Three weeks ago, the Friday before Valentine's Day, I was in the Blue Martini. I got jumped...basically...by probably an 8.5 (chauvantistic men like me rate women 1-10.) Unfortunately, I already had a DATE for valentine's day set up. The date was "doable" but still...probably 15 years older. The chick that jumped me was probably 7 years younger... So , I basically HAD to call her on Valentine's day, right? You cant' just not...well she's like "What are you doing tonight?" I was like "ummmm...working on a paper." Well to make a long story short she never called back. OK, I could see that coming.

    ^^^ ONE side of the spectrum.

    The other. Just Friday last, I met a woman (quite drunk) and spoke to her for about 30 seconds..that was it. I thought she was hot. I asked (and received) her number. Well THIS GIRL, didn't remember who I was. I kept giving her clues. Finally, I said "I use a wheelchair" (she still didn't remember.) Well, to make a long story short, she quit texting, and that was it, never heard from her again. The friends thing would have been FINE! Whatever. But she still was hot. What did i do?

    ^^^ The other side of the spectrum.

    I either go WAY too far, or not far enough. What I need maybe, is a more sober environment. But seriously... Is it the wheelchair? Or is it me? I have a hunch is a little of both. It NEVER works out ))) And when it comes to women, I'm DAMN superficical. I'm happy that way

  2. #2
    Senior Member mr_coffee's Avatar
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    The more I'm out there the more I realize women don't really care about the wheelchair. I mean there is a certain % that will never date someone in a wheelchair but there is a large % that will date them.

    The people I've noticed who arn't attracted to me are the people who enjoy outdoor activities such as hiking, mountain climbing, or horse back riding.

    But it seems the older they are the less women care about these things and just want a nice guy who is employed and can hold a conversation and isn't a db. I myself find it hard to be with someone because they really have to add something to the relationship. Before I got hurt sex was more than enough to be that one thing they brought to the relationship but now I need much much more to keep me interested which I think is a good thing.
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  3. #3
    I'd vote for the more sober environment.

    Superficial chicks who are drunk are not the best candidates for relationships.

  4. #4
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mr_coffee View Post
    The more I'm out there the more I realize women don't really care about the wheelchair. I mean there is a certain % that will never date someone in a wheelchair but there is a large % that will date them.
    Do you think it is harder for a man to accept a woman in a wheelchair than it is a woman to accept a man in a wheelchair?
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  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by JakeHalsted View Post
    ^
    The other. Just Friday last, I met a woman (quite drunk) and spoke to her for about 30 seconds..that was it. I thought she was hot. I asked (and received) her number. Well THIS GIRL, didn't remember who I was. I kept giving her clues. Finally, I said "I use a wheelchair" (she still didn't remember.) Well, to make a long story short, she quit texting, and that was it, never heard from her again. The friends thing would have been FINE! Whatever. But she still was hot. What did i do?

    ^^^ The other side of the spectrum.

    I either go WAY too far, or not far enough. What I need maybe, is a more sober environment. But seriously... Is it the wheelchair? Or is it me? I have a hunch is a little of both. It NEVER works out ))) And when it comes to women, I'm DAMN superficical. I'm happy that way
    Been there, drunk or sober. Sometimes I think the offer is made and you want nothing more than friendship (at least to start with) and once you move to act on it the reality hits them. They raise their guard and unless you see this person fairly regularly its doomed.

    I tend to like confirmed bachelorettes or lesbians...near as I can tell. They don't want anything or anyone to tie them down.

  6. #6
    Senior Member mr_coffee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lynnifer View Post
    Do you think it is harder for a man to accept a woman in a wheelchair than it is a woman to accept a man in a wheelchair?
    I would say yes mainly because I know how the non-sci male mind works and I realize what 99% of the males are really after and everything else is just what they have to do to get it. Its sad but true. Its only when the male wants to settle down when I can actually believe he just doesn't want the women for sex. I've noticed with woman they are ready to settle down when they hit 27-30 but males are totally different because they really have no limit on when they need to settle down. You'll see 50 year old guys going after 25 year olds but you don't usually see 50 year old women going after 25 year old males for example.

    Thats why I always said males who get SCI'ed are the best boyfriend you can find because if they are in love with you then you know its actually real and not just sexual. But after reading some of the posts from some of the guys with SCI I can see it doesn't effect all men with SCI. Jake for example seems to still be in the mindset on still trying to find a "hottie" in a club and seems like he will replace that woman with any other hotter women that shows up. Which most males will do given the chance in a relationship.

    I was having this discussion with a friend of mine and she's like hows is that possible though? I said well if you believe in evolution, how many males in the animal kingdom actually stick around after mating with the women? I made a joke and said the majority of the males that do stick around are the ones that get their head bit off by the women like the praying mantis

    I was having this discussion with her because she was with a guy and he was so sweet to her she said and was doing all these nice things for her and doing very romantic dates. Then later he found out she wasn't going to put out for awhile and the guy the next day dumped her and she was like WTF! So I had to explain to her how the male mind really works.

    But thats what I'm saying, he realized he wasn't going to get sex so he thought whats the point then? This is how a ton of guys think, if theres no sex then theres no point in perusing the relationship. I use to also think like this in the passed. I could date someone just based on sex. I wouldn't even have to like them as a person at all.

    Another prime example. My friend talked about this girl for about 5 months saying omg I think this girl is the one. Shes older and so different from the 20-23 year olds I've dated and I really really like her. Then a few days ago he was like dude....she still hasn't let me have sex with her. I don't know what I'm going to do. I really like her but I can't handle this so I think I'm going to keep her around but if someone else comes along I think I'll drop her. I was like OH REALLY?

    When a male see's a woman in a wheelchair they don't think of her as sexual or as sexual as someone walking hence they will be less attracted to you. Body language is super important I think in finding a mate and when your in a wheelchair you lose that body language. I notice it all the time when I'm in the wheelchair or on crutches. You would be amazed at how many guys will just date a woman based on her ass alone. Honestly if a woman could go into a males mind for a day they would be shocked.

    The reason I even talk about this is because now I can see how much different my mind operates and to think back then how it operated on finding a mate was such a different experience.
    Last edited by mr_coffee; 03-20-2010 at 01:32 PM.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member MarkPals's Avatar
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    Great post Cory. I love the honesty.
    Veni.Vidi,Velcro...I came, I saw, I stuck around.

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  8. #8
    Sadly, Cory is quite accurate. In my experience, the problem is deeper than dating. Married AB males younger than 50, (maybe even 60) are much more likely to walk away from their AB wife if she becomes disabled than the other way around. It seems deeper than a sex issue. There is a significant number of exceptions, but still, they are clearly in the minority.
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  9. #9
    Interesting Cory and I totally agree with you.

  10. #10
    I agree too. I have made the experience of sitting in my chair in a bar and none of the men even saw me. The next day I sat in a bar stool and a lot of men talked to me and were generously buying me drinks. It was even the same men because it was on a hotel. They hadn't seen me the first day, I was invisible.
    TH 12, 43 years post

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