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Thread: Venting

  1. #1

    Venting

    Wow where to even begin, thats the million dollar question. This time last year I would have to say that I was a typical teenage female, I was off in my own little world in which friends and hanging out was the main priority. I was big on myspace facebook etc. and one day I got on and saw that I had a message, I read this message from a guy inwhich I had not previously known and needless to say the message was a little on the obnoxious side. After opening I waited about two days and then messaged back and we have been talking ever since. Later he tells me that he is a c4/c5 quad that broke his neck playing back yard football, at first thought I was like "oh my god im so sorry", He then responded "thanks". We sort of steered the conversation elsewhere, I figured that if and when he wanted to elaberate he would tell me on his own terms.Well its been 8 fabulous months of talking back and forth, he has become by far my best friend.

    I recently told him that I had a wee bit of a crush and he informed me that it was completely obvious, but God knows it felt so good to finally tell. Since then I haven't even thought about another guy. He has been really open with the fact that he is becoming friendly with other ladies and I completely respect that. If he is happy thats all that matters, so I have gradually backed off just to allow him to do his thing. Since I have backed of things have been um chaotic to say the least. Its like we bicker non-stop now and typically im the one in the wrong. I hate feeling like I can never doing anything right, I couldn't see not being friends with him I feel that strongly for him. The other day we got into it over my not telling my family about him, I live 2500 miles away from them and when we do talk its brief, but after that I told him I'd tell everyone. The next morning I called my family individually and told them everything, my mom giggled and said "I know" (my sister is 14 she tends to slip). So I thought all was well then we fought over him thinking all I see in him is just a "cripple in bed" UGH if there is one thing I hate, it would be that statement. I would never say that he is JUST anything, he is the one I get excited about talking to during the day, the one that irratates me like no other one minute and makes me laugh so hard I snort the next, the last person I talk to every night, and like I said he is the best friend.

    The above really has nothing to do with my purpose of posting I was just throwing in a little background information.

    The real reason for the post is we are currently in a disagreement over being physical or doing physical things. He has been telling me that I am oblivious, and maybe he is right. I have never once allowed his paralysis to interfer with my thoughts of him. I continue to tell him that he is perfect the way he is and it seems a little condasending and thats not what I intended. Sometimes I feel as if he is pushing me away but he has informed me otherwise. I guess I don't really know how to go about discussing physical limitations with him, because I tell him what I see and think and I just get the famous statement "you will never understand"! I dont disagree with that he is exactly right. He continues to tell me that he has tried to show me from his perspective and yet I dont see that he has. Yes, we've talked about somethings and yet three-fourths of the time the comments are: "I said, or I just wanna be normal, I cant do that, im just a cripple with a trach" and thats simply not how I communicate with people, I need more detail to comprehend things. I try and point out all that he can do, or with a lil help what can be accomplished(MEN+PRIDE=DISASTER).

    I don't exactly know what I am asking for here other then a little advice. I could never give up on our friendship because it means too much to me to just let go. So if you can help me out it would be greatly appriciated(:
    Last edited by Yava09; 02-07-2010 at 11:42 PM.

  2. #2
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    this is the place to find out what you want to know. I disagree with him that you can't understand. He is being unfair to underestimate you that way. there is a lot to read here about every day things that affects people with his type of injury. true you cant physically feel what it is like, but that is ok, no one would wish such a thing on an able bodied person. you can learn a lot from care cure though about what he lives with just by going through the forums. it may take a while so, welcome, and good luck in your learning.

  3. #3
    Thank you so much for the welcome. I really wasn't trying to make him sound like a jerk, not the intensions at all. Living in a nursing home wears on him, and I know that so I try and just take one day at a time. Try to be as understanding, and empathetic as I can.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Mona~on~wheels's Avatar
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    I don't understand what you want either but like Jody said just read around.
    Does he read here too?

    Anway wanted to say hi and welcome to CC!

  5. #5
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    does he know about care cure? this is a great place for support. I was so much more depressed and felt hopeless and sometimes helpless before I was turned on to this wonderful place. I have some friends here who mean a lot to me. I have gotten through some pretty trying times with the help of my dear carecure friends. tell him about us. They have a womans only forum for some private girl talks too.

  6. #6
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I think it is very sad that he must live in a nursing home. do you know what his injury is? he may really benefit from this place.

  7. #7
    hummmmm....

  8. #8
    Senior Member Tim C.'s Avatar
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    He's right, you can never understand. I can empathize with his situation,

    not even a para can understand, let alone a non sci female. "Just want to be normal) is something the wise doctors should underrstand when they ask why we would risk going overseas for risky surgeries. This poor kid lost most of his life, despite what your hear from pysch docs who profess how we can lead happy" lives. It's easy for them to say since they are not the ones with tubes in their neck.
    He'll pity himself for a long time, maybe he can find equilibrium in his life, maybe not.
    I hope he does. Living like he has to is no way to live.

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