well, all i know is i'm paralyzed and in horrible pain until i die. of that, i have no doubt.

my hope is for future generations. there will be something, i am positive of that. but i know i am in this for the count, no illusions. i've known this since i first was told what had happened to me.

i just didn't know about the relentless pain. and, given the pain increase last 3 yrs, i am scared. but, nothing to be done. que sera, sera. i cannot change it and i can only try not to worry.

i read somewhere that the person who worries has no faith in their god. think it was a character in a novel. but it struck a chord w/me.