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Thread: Overly sensitive?

  1. #1
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    Overly sensitive?

    For anyone with the patience to read this I would like some feedback to see if reaction seems right or too sensitive. I went to a little New Year's eve gathering of some people who live in my condo buiding. As it got closer to midnight the host put the television on to the station with Dick Clark. As the ball started to descend the camera panned the crowd, and then back to Mr. Clark, who was being kissed by his wife. The hostess said "yuck, I wouldn't want to kiss that mouth." I asked why, to which she replied that it was "all messed up." I told her that he had had a stroke and that some of his facial muscles were still affected. She said she didn't care, she could never kiss a mouth like that. I kept my mouth shut out of either politeness or cowardice (could be either) but I was/am really upset at this comment and how superficial and disability related it is. There is nothing wrong with my mouth or my facial muscles, so it is not a personally relevant comment, but I find it mean-spirited and am feeling like a blow against anyone of us is a blow against us all. It is not the first time I have heard her say something like this either. There is a man who lives in this building who is brain injured. He is a pain in the butt in that he has no boundaries and doesn't easily take no as an answer, but he is not what one would think of as ugly. One day she was talking about ugly people and mentioned him. I said that he was a pain in the ass at times, but I didn't think of him as ugly. She then said something about his walk, which is awkward and difficult because of his brain injury. I told her that was his disability and did not make him ugly. She disagreed, apparently feeling safe in her bigotry because I look like I am just sitting. Anyway, it sort of ruined New Year's eve for me, especially because no one else there corrected her or said anything about what she had said. I am just as guilty, sitting there is silence feeling hurt and angry.

  2. #2
    Well, I agree that this lady sounds a little judgemental and mean spirited. Were there drinks invovled at the celebration? If so, then take her comments with a grain of salt.

    I would add one thing: it's not a crime to be disgusted by someone else. And if she has a genuine reaction then she cannot change that reaction; she can of course show some tact and keep her mouth shut and her views to herself. The reason she didn't keep her mouth shut was because she did not realize quite how offensive you would find those remarks. Or (worse) did not care that you might be offended.

    Not sure that helps, but hope you do have a Happy New Year





    btw - I find pulling a hook out of a fish's mouth turns my stomach. Other people can gut and filet a fish while eating a sandwich. You cannot choose how sensitive you are to something. Should she actively go around looking for people with strokes to desensitize herself in order to become less disgusted? Of course not, but she should still keep her opinions to herself....

  3. #3
    That is the moment I feel for screaming but don't. A lot of people think like that and if you had said something you would have made an ememy. You can't change people, either they respect people with disabilities or they don't.

    It is really sad.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  4. #4
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    MarkB701, thanks for the feedback. No, there was no drinking going on, so that can't be used as an excuse for her lack of judgement. I agree people can't help it if their tolerance for anything they see different that the supposed norm is low, but I do wish she had kept her mouth shut. I wanted to point out to her that she could have a stroke too, as could we all, and ask her if she thought that would make her unloveable? I didn't say a thing, so part of my upset is probably with myself for my silence. Now if SHE could keep stay silent things might be better.....

    Happy New Year to you too!

  5. #5
    Eileen: I don't think you were overly sensitive to her rude comments. I hate bigotry in all forms. She would be someone I would choose to socialize with less or not at all.

    Sorry it ruined a night you were looking forward to.
    Every day I wake up is a good one

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by woman from Europe View Post
    That is the moment I feel for screaming but don't. A lot of people think like that and if you had said something you would have made an ememy. You can't change people, either they respect people with disabilities or they don't.

    It is really sad.
    That is exactly how I felt Bente! I felt like screaming, but didn't. The problem is then I feel like a moral coward, and I hate that feeling. I think you are right, she is not going to change her views no matter what I said, but it might be nice if she just kept them to herself.

  7. #7
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    Thanks cheesecake. Glad to know I am not alone in feeling so strongly about this. It sucks that people feel like this.

  8. #8
    She's got her own disabilities, obviously. It must suck to age and expect permanent physical perfection. Karma's got a kick in the ass in store for her, no doubt.

    LOL @ being visually ok, as you are just sitting!

  9. #9
    I feel the same way as CC. Disability & weight related comments hit me like rocks these days.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    She's got her own disabilities, obviously. It must suck to age and expect permanent physical perfection. Karma's got a kick in the ass in store for her, no doubt.

    LOL @ being visually ok, as you are just sitting!
    Betheny, she is totally invested in her perfection, so maybe I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was, but until those two episodes I mentioned I thought she was just living in some state of denial about her own aging and loved to talk about how far she had walked, how many weights she had lifted, and how much Natuilus she had done. I did not think it extended in such cruel ways to others who either can't do those things or simply don't give a damn about doing them!

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