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Thread: My ding-dong kid

  1. #51
    Schools here aren't much help - suspend the kid - let him stay home like he/she wants - oh, sure, that helps a lot. Cass - I know the feeling - mine got suspended because he wouldn't fight back - same reason, he was 'involved' in a fight. I've found that leaving the damage shames the kid everytime he/she looks at it or family/friends ask what happened - I've even had someone offer to 'help' my son repair the damage - the friend watched, told my son how to do it & made him do it 3 times until he did it right. Why is it they don't (usually) act out with others like they do us? Shame, guilt & love (yep - love - you always hurt the one you love first, because they'll almost always take you back) seems to be the reason, at least for mine.

  2. #52
    I never punched holes in walls..just sayin'.

  3. #53
    I never punched a hole in a wall myself, but I wasn't ADD & physically/sexually/emotionally abused, either. I had a loving family, he had a really screwed up one - and both my chosen boys were born with drugs & booze in the systems - the little guy went thru withdrawals - the birth-mother took him & disappeared. But teaching 'challenged' kids ways to maintain is what's needed, and it needs to be done with kindness. Pain they started out with, it's nothing to them.
    I'm beginning to feel sorry that I started this thread - the people with the problem kids are being mildly (sometimes openly?) picked on. I'm sorry I vented.

  4. #54
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coleen View Post
    I'm beginning to feel sorry that I started this thread - the people with the problem kids are being mildly (sometimes openly?) picked on. I'm sorry I vented.

    Please don't Colleen ...... "there but for the grace of etc. etc." (my kids taught me that one as a matter of fact) ..... there is always going to be judgment when it comes to kids ... and sometimes from peeps who either don't have any or have not been there yet ... or were blessed with perfect children ..... it's never a black and white situation imo .....

    We too have had holes punched by both genders pre and post sci in our home I'm a little embarrassed to say ..... life is complicated and messy sometimes .... you do everything you know how to do and sometimes it still comes out an f up ..... if we all had the answers there would never be any questions .....

    I think that was my long winded way of saying ... lighten up and be respectful all ....


    (who else)
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
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  5. #55
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    Don't be sorry you started the thread Coleen it's been an education for me and I should imagine a few others.

  6. #56
    Quote Originally Posted by Coleen View Post
    I never punched a hole in a wall myself, but I wasn't ADD & physically/sexually/emotionally abused, either. I had a loving family, he had a really screwed up one - and both my chosen boys were born with drugs & booze in the systems - the little guy went thru withdrawals - the birth-mother took him & disappeared. But teaching 'challenged' kids ways to maintain is what's needed, and it needs to be done with kindness. Pain they started out with, it's nothing to them.
    I'm beginning to feel sorry that I started this thread - the people with the problem kids are being mildly (sometimes openly?) picked on. I'm sorry I vented.
    Don't be sorry. It's really sad when that happens to kids, and I'm really sorry if I came across wrong here. You are obviously a very giving person and deserve all the praise in the world. Wish I knew how to help you in your situation, all the best.

    The generalizations are what prompted my responses.
    Peace.

  7. #57
    Don't worry for that. Some people understand and others don't, just like in real life. I am lucky, mine is really cute most of the time at home, he fixed my computer yesterday, he made almond sticks, I had a visiter and he did behave very well. Most of the people love him even with his strange ways sometimes. He is easy to forgive because most people do understand it is not bad manners but a bad temper he can't control because he is frustrated he doesn't understand things.

    I got his school report today, it was good and it seems they understand his trouble at school and they try to help him the right way.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  8. #58
    I am so glad the school is helping. If they are on his side it makes all the difference. Some people generalize but they usually haven't been through it.. I have with my sister, not with my own so totally different. It is hard to understand the entire story when you only get what you read here. I try to ask for it. I wish it were easier.
    And I don't think suddenly beating a kid helps anything. Any child previously abused or not. Not that I have never spanked but good grief.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Mona~on~wheels's Avatar
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    Colleen I hope he learns his lesson.
    You sound like a smart lady.
    I believed in spanking with a belt but not hitting with my hand.
    We had lots of discussions why & lots of kisses afterwards.
    Funny thing is mine don't spank their's.
    My middle daughter did once. Then she started bawling her eyes out.
    I spanked when it was total disobedience.
    They knew they weren't suppose to do something & why & decided to ignore me.
    It worked for me.
    I understand not hitting a child that was physically abused.
    They'd think you hated them.

    I hope he heals okay.

  10. #60
    It looks like a lot of people who has been spanked as children, never spank their children. I think that is a good explanation why nobody should spank a child. But 50-30 years ago that was the right way to punish the children. I am happy it is forbidden by law to spank here. It has been forbidden more than 20 years so hopefully nobody do it anymore.
    TH 12, 43 years post

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