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Thread: How much should I say?

  1. #1

    How much should I say?

    Hey there,

    I've been having conflicting feelings and views on how much i should tell my boyfriend about my life. There was one person that said it may not be the best idea because i don't want to stress him out with my small worries compared to his. But then there's a part of me that wants me to tell him about my day to day life because there is a sense of normality for not only him but for me as well. Is there an in between?

    I've backed off with asking how he's feeling everyday with his condition which has really helped us to have better communication. But I'm just worried that by telling him my stresses it will stress him out more when he's already stressed about his own future. Even before we found out about his health he's always been great to talk to about my problems so it makes it even more difficult to all the sudden stop talking about my life.

    What should I do?

    Thanks for reading. :-)

  2. #2
    I think that it is a shame that you are losing what was a good and important part of your relationship. I think he might see your not talking to him, like you used to, as you withdrawing from him.

    If he's no less the person now - I think you should confide on him, and lean on him like you always did.

    If he seems to be getting stressed when you do, you can discuss that too. If needs be, you could change your strategy in the future.

    But for now, I would say - talk to him like you always did.

  3. #3
    I don't want to lose that part of our relationship. That was always the one thing that separated us from most relationships at our age. And we still have it. What I mean is, I feel like my problems are so small compared to his. Sometimes when I talk to him about my stresses I stop myself and think that i'm just complaining too much. Maybe its a gift in its own way.

    And what i meant about backing of about his condition is because we're not sure whats going on with him right now. We know one thing for sure but another thing could be going on and it could be terminal. So i would ask him about it too much to the point where he didn't want to talk about it at all. And i explained to him that i was only asking because i cared and that i wanted to make sure he knew that i was always there for him. We've come to the agreement that he would tell me what's going on with him when he was ready to tell me. Instead of me pushing it on him to tell me whats going on.

    Sorry it wasn't very clear.
    Thanks for your input though. I really appreciate it.


  4. #4
    I think you should tell him the ups and downs of your life without regard to his condition. I get tired of people who say things like "I know its nothing compared to what you are going through" or similar words or behavior. I finally sat my wife down and told her that its not productive thinking, unless she gets in a car accident and gets an SCI at T7 or above I will always win that comparison and I will never know what is wrong or bugging her.

    On the other hand, I would not press him for details. SCI is a tough road (at least it has been for me) and sometimes its nice not to talk about it.


  5. #5
    I see what you're saying. Its like i was talking at the end of my first post about having a sense of normality in our relationship.

    He actually doesn't have a spinal injury. He recently found out that he has a genetic hiccup that affects motor skills for the right side of his body. It will eventually completely stop. He's having a tough time because he's a musician and is going to school for Music Composition. Another thing that could be happening is he might have Liver Cancer. He went in for blood work on tuesday so we should know the results soon. So its a little different than a spinal injury. But there are similarities.

    Thank You very much. I appreciate you telling me from your stand point because it's similar to his.


  6. #6
    I understand about his health issues - you sound like you have that handled perfectly, that wasn't what I was referring to anyway. Just involving him in your life and worries, that's what my comments pertained to.

    Tom's advice sounds perfect.

    Waiting to hear about a diagnosis - cripes, there's no right way to handle that. Just the best you can, that's all you can do.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Rrrrronnn's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    Lawng Eye-Lynd, New York
    Take Tom's advice, I totally relate to what he's saying. Don't hold back.
    "If ya don't have it in the hips, ya better have it in the lips..." ~ Charlie - Villa Dulce

  8. #8
    Excellent advice from Tom, I'm in total agreement. Good luck to both of you!
    From the time you were born till you ride in a hearse, there is nothing so bad that it couldn't be worse!

    All fringe benifits must be authorized by Helen Waite, if you want your SCI fixed go to Helen Waite!

    Why be politically correct when you can be right!

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