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Thread: so, i guess it's ok for my 17 yr old to smash my phone

  1. #31
    I didn't make myself clear, sorry - I meant if he was threatening her to lock him out, don't just do it for no reason.

  2. #32
    An old pos phone could make a desperate person feel someone cared, and we all need a cell for safety it seems. So herco, thanks for that heartening tidbit.

    I hope you know I'm not criticising the cops in these messes (I use the plural as I've been there myself). Nobody can do anything, the kids hold all the cards. And they are lost and floundering w/ them.

    Actually, my family has restraining orders amongst each other, and I'm talking ppl wayyy over maybe I should hush anyway.

    But cass, I feel ya, my sistah.

  3. #33
    Cass, this seems like a volatile situation and I am sorry you are having to endure it. I can't totally relate because I'm not a mother of a 17 year teen, and I also come from a very different culture where we were raised to be grateful to have a roof over our heads and for immigrant parents who sacrificed a lot so that we could have a good life.

    I don't know your personal history, or where the child's father is at this point, but is there any male figure, an uncle, an older cousin, a mentor of some sort in his life? I, by no means, am suggesting that as a single mother, you are unable to raise him properly. I just know that sometimes guys will respond better with an older male figure who will ram back just as hard.....if that makes sense. He needs someone who is going to make him feel shame for treating you the way he has, to explain to him that real men don't treat their mothers this way. I sound horribly sexist, so forgive me, but I thought I would at least suggest it.

    It sounds like everything that has been suggested up until this point is a band-aid solution and is not getting to the heart of the problem. He's acting out. I wouldn't blame it all on hormones. This might be something more. It sounds like it's difficult to communicate with him because this problem is too far gone. Perhaps it is time to find someone who can speak the language he will respond to.

  4. #34
    Senior Member wheelchairTITAN's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Oakville, ON ... Just North of the 43rd Parallel, SocialistLand
    Cass ... I don't know what it is about the age of 17 ? ? ? ?

    I still swear to the gods that my son was kidnapped by aliens when he was 17. Luckily they returned his body and much of his mind before 18.

    Apparently he has been slowly released back to his parents with each passing year ... now 22. He is an even better "kid"... young man, than the one we "growed"!

    No answers ... just my observation from my own issues in parenting.


    ... rolling since 1989

    BE NICE!It's free

    P.S. ~ I have "handicapabilities"

    TWITTER: @MacBerry

  5. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by Herco16 View Post

    Do you sincerely think the cops can cure a 16-17 year, on-going problem, with a 20 minute visit to a troubled home? Sorry, but everything is on the parents.
    No, a cop can't cure the problem either (legally or literally). I do agree with you, Dave, but I was thinking the cop could at least do something in the moment to quench the fire for a bit. If the cop acted like Cass was a joke to her in front of her son, then maybe it just reenforces his freedom to behave badly.

  6. #36
    Quote Originally Posted by thehipcrip View Post
    Cruel and derogatory are not styles, they are deliberate choices. It aggravates me, and I'm pretty sure others, that this one individual is repeatedly given a pass to name call and make other personal attacks, but the rest of us -- who abide by the TOS for the boards -- are reprimanded for calling him on his bullshit.

    I've never encountered another site where the ability of certain members to blatantly disrespect others is protected by moderators the way it is here.
    I'm not protecting. He made a statement we may not like or think is appropriate but as moderator I am not able to censor. Rule #1 is don't attack other members. He was attacked because someone didn't like what he said, then attacked back. I get frustrated also, but my hands are tied.

  7. #37
    Senior Member canuck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    BC Canada
    Moved this to another thread. Sorry Cass
    Last edited by canuck; 11-09-2009 at 10:44 PM. Reason: Moved to another thread.

  8. #38
    i'm sorry. i obviously was very emotional and should not have posted. i don't know what fuentes or canuck said. yes, scott, i called cops over broken phone. he grabbed it out of my hand and threw it as i was trying to call for help in an escalating situation. the cell phone was next. he blocks me from leaving my house.

    ty everybody. am sorry if i caused any problems with this thread. herco, most LEOs i've run across are great. i was incredibly frustrated and in pain. and i can't be without a phone. kiran, i can't call any male to intercede. already been told that by counselor; it would be considered abuse and reported to the police. so there you have it. this is my life and i have to deal with it. i just feel very alone and i want to thank everybody for even reading this far.

  9. #39
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    last house on the left
    So, why are posts magically disappearing? Is there some sort of weird censorship going on that I am unaware of. Fuentes does his usual number, a couple of us repond to his lack of empathy, and they all seem to have been deleted. What gives moderators?

  10. #40
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    last house on the left
    Nevermind......I found them moved to a now locked thread. Interesting......not sure why completely in light of some other threads I have seen on the boards that went much further, but I bow to the powers that be judgement.

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