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Thread: Money can't buy anything

  1. #21
    Ditto sjean.I know it's being done,but can't see how.A sci parent with a child must not be able to go to bed until the wee hours trying to tend to them & themselves too.

    ..and by the way,this thread has me sobbing at the moment.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by addiesue View Post
    I just didn't realize after 4 years of this he still had so much hope I'd be fixed. I thought we covered it last year when I came to pick him up from school and had lazily left my chair in the garage. He knew I'd been to the doctor that morning and first thing he said was are you better? I was confused and said I got medicine for my bladder. It was then I realized he thought the doctor fixed me because he saw no chair. He knows it's not that easy and he knows a lot because I speak to his class every year. I realized just now when writing this I have been here nearly half his life now.
    I am a good mom and I know I teach him good lessons but I'm still pissed we can't go explore the woods as easily as we used to. I'd rather teach him about that.
    I am always there, I go on most field trips, even the one to the pumpkin patch. I thought I would die pushing all over that farm. Riding a hay ride is kind of scary in a chair missing a brake.... I always figure there will be someone there who will drag me up. I think I should have skipped that one though. He may have had more fun without worrying abou tme lagging behind.

    So sorry for the ramble, some days I'm fed up. None of us should be faced with a daily challenge as hard as trying to accept this or adapt to it.
    C,
    These are the things that are important and will be important when your kids are older. This injury has been hard on me and C too. I used to catch myself daydreaming about all the things we could have done together had I not been so stupid and got injured. I still have times that I wish we could do certain things together. The most recent is hiking at Arches National Park. I wanted so bad to be able to go together. I have to stop sometimes and realize....even injured we have had an amazing life and we've shared lots of times that most healthy people just take for granted.

    I feel for your children but you are a good mom despite your limitations.
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  3. #23
    My son picked me up and carried me to the edge of a pond 3 days ago, so I could scatter a handful of my mother's ashes like everybody else. Then he carried me back to the truck. I didn't ask him to carry me, he just saw the need.

    Not how we pictured parenting, that's for sure. But I hope our kids will be extra-compassionate, maybe? (After they are done tormenting us as teens, obvs.) There must be a payoff here somewhere-or so I tell myself.

    When I got Graves, Jake said Oh no! Do we have to go to Washington for that TOO? LOL, whatever they experience, they consider normal...

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by graybeard View Post
    From the dad side.......it is VERY FRUSTATING!! As stated by many, there are things you know the kids are missing out on because of this chair. I feel the worst for the youngest, cuz he never really got to go do the things the older boy did with me. It does get to me at times, but I also force myself to look past what we cant do together to what we can do. Its not as rewarding, but you want to give them the best memories and experiences despite the obstacles. and yeah, in the end......money dont buy everything.
    I can relate. I have a daughter and over the years missed out countless times on taking part in things with her that simply weren't realistic given me being a quad. It is very frustrating and a part of my injury that bothers me as much as anything. I've had to struggle to not let it get me to down and instead see a sliver of bright side that i'm not a higher level quad who would have missed out on even more things.

    I've been in this chair since my kid was 2 years old so this is all she really knows me as, but nothing could take away the sting of instances where i simply had to be a bystander for certain events over the years that i'd have been able to take part in if i hadn't broke my neck. For me, those were things she and i were robbed of and no amount of attempted positive thinking worked at removing the sting.

  5. #25
    my eldest girl went hunting at the weekend something we always did together, she jumped ditches and fences which were so big that she never did before...she said i would have been so proud of her and would have loved me to be there....and i am so proud of her and all my kids.

    Like all the other mums and dads who have kids that have to care for them, it eats me up inside at times. My kids who do find it very hard at times tell me they would rather have me here as i am now, then that I had not survived cancer...

    I still try and do as much with my kids as I can like I did before. There are plenty of AB people who do not bother with their kids....My ex being one of them...and only he and others like him are the loosers.

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by darkeyed_daisy View Post
    C,
    ...even injured we have had an amazing life and we've shared lots of times that most healthy people just take for granted.
    This is so true Ladies!

    Thank you DD for verbalizing it way better than I could have.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Mona~on~wheels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    My son picked me up and carried me to the edge of a pond 3 days ago, so I could scatter a handful of my mother's ashes like everybody else. Then he carried me back to the truck. I didn't ask him to carry me, he just saw the need.

    Not how we pictured parenting, that's for sure. But I hope our kids will be extra-compassionate, maybe? (After they are done tormenting us as teens, obvs.) There must be a payoff here somewhere-or so I tell myself.

    When I got Graves, Jake said Oh no! Do we have to go to Washington for that TOO? LOL, whatever they experience, they consider normal...

    That's awesome! What a beautiful thing for Jake to do. Such a wonderful picture in my mind of the 2 of you. A wonderful memory of your son growing ito a man. A caring, loving man.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post

    When I got Graves, Jake said Oh no! Do we have to go to Washington for that TOO? LOL, whatever they experience, they consider normal...
    Jake obviously inherited his mom's sense of humor.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muriel View Post
    Like all the other mums and dads who have kids that have to care for them, it eats me up inside at times. My kids who do find it very hard at times tell me they would rather have me here as i am now, then that I had not survived cancer...

    I still try and do as much with my kids as I can like I did before. There are plenty of AB people who do not bother with their kids....My ex being one of them...and only he and others like him are the loosers.
    Too right! I don't understand my friends who have no time for their kids.

  10. #30
    Muriel-I've been where your kids are. Believe what they say. My mom survived 26 years after a stroke and partial frontal lobectomy. She was brain injured and needed help those 26 years, but we all far preferred her here and needing help, than the alternative, which was gone.

    It was hard, sometimes really hard. I can't imagine not having her these past 26 years that I got to have a mother, though. Inconceivable.

    My father told me he regrets neglecting his family. He was AB until 2 years ago. It's far too late for him to reclaim the time he lost-now he has his money, and 2 surviving kids that are wary of him. I love him, but Mom was the parent of that duo. She had no money, but was a good parent, in her way.

    I remember her calling me to come home from college for the last episode of MASH. She cooked lasagna...She just wanted to spend that time together, since I was a MASH fan. These past 26 years it was more me doing for her, but that was just payback for my first 23 years.

    Kids understand, and caring doesn't require an able body imo. It just requires a champion's heart!

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