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Thread: Do you need help?

  1. #1
    Senior Member WolfeMan's Avatar
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    Jul 2009
    Bealeton, Virginia

    Do you need help?

    Do you ever get tired of people coming up to you while you're doing something in public, specifically getting in and out of your vehicle and ask "can I help you"? Or they'll make a comment like, "wow you much be strong pushing that chair all day"! How do you respond to these idiots? I mean, I realize people aren't trying to be rude, but an offer of help when I'm not on the ground floundering around, is not really wanted! On more than one occasions, I've been a total ass to these people....and said, "If I needed help do you think I'd come out of my house by myself"? Then, I feel like the jerk. How do you deal with this??
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  2. #2
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    Jul 2001
    Someplace between Nowhere and Goodbye
    I just smile and say, no thanks, I've had lots of practice and I think I have it figured out. Lots of senior citizens ask if they can help me, as well as all other ages, from kids on up.
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  3. #3
    You were right when you stated you realize people aren't trying to be rude. Most people do not have direct contact with physically disabled individuals.

    How I deal with it is to continue the conversation. If required turn it into a learning session and educate them. Only on a very few occasions have I had to cut someone off. I figure if I can provide insight, perhaps the next time they won't be in the position to be told "If I needed help.. "

    We all have to learn somehow.
    Rick Brauer or just call me - Mr B

  4. #4
    I admit that it can be trying at times because some peoples' idea of help is often far from helpful. But I try to be gracious and remember they are offering the help with good intentions, even if I don't need the help. I usually just say "thanks but I am fine." If it's something small such as moving a chair that doesn't need to be moved or holding a door that doesn't really need to be held, I usually just let them go ahead and do it. Then they go on their way. It does no harm to be polite when people try to be kind or help. I am not saying that it never bothers me, because it does sometimes. But reacting with annoyance or rude comments doesn't do anything except make me feel worse and reinforce stereotypes of disabled people as being bitter with their lot in life.

    Thoughtless comments like, "It's good to see you out!" or "That thing must be fun to drive!" or whatever are harder for me to ignore. But I usually just smile and say something that will bring the conversation to a polite but obvious end or steer it towards another topic. I try not to get annoyed or bothered by it because I realize, with me anyway, the comments are usually a result of the person feeling awkward or not knowing what to say. Replying in a rude manner just works to make that awkwardness, and the lack of understanding they may have about people with disabilities, worse.
    Last edited by orangejello; 09-04-2009 at 03:43 PM.

  5. #5
    OJ's response is spot on.
    Although I'm an AB male, I still appreciate the small courtesy that someone shows when they hold a door open for me, and I rather expect that everyone should do the same for anyone else. OTOH, I've been snarled at by a wheeler when I've stopped for a second to provide the same small courtesy to him.
    With few exceptions, people want to be helpful and friendly. And yes, they are thinking "it's nice that she can get out," or "you know, that does look like fun." They just don't comprehend the huge amount of baggage that goes along with that "fun." I'd be a lot happier if I didn't, either. Ignorance is indeed bliss.
    - Richard

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    May 2006
    Central NJ
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    Sorry in the dark so I didn't read the ens..

    "No thanks. I'm fine."

    "Sure, thanks. I'll take help wherever I can get it. Could you...?"

    "Yeah, it sucks. But's giving me good book material one day." helps me slow down and smell the roses."
    ...wheelchair rides mke me a fvorite with the kids."

  7. #7
    Senior Member Quimby's Avatar
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    May 2007
    Northern California
    Like others I just say something like "Thanks, but I got it" with a nice smile. I want to make sure that these people that do ask will continue to ask. I just know the time will come when I will be parked on a incline, breaking my chair down to put back in my car and there will be a snafu of some sort and one of my wheels will end up rolling down the parking lot and I will be SOL! At that time I hope some kind soul will ask me if I need any help!!!

  8. #8
    I do laught to myself when I see people watch my park the car, get the chair out,put the wheels on,transfer into it and then ............ wait for it................when I'm in the chair and ready to got they finaly ask if I need some help!

    Really, These people mean well so it's best to just be polite
    "The impossible is just that which hasn't been done yet.Impossible is nothing"

  9. #9
    Senior Member
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    Jul 2008
    Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
    I wish i had a dollar 4 everytime some one did that to me

  10. #10
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    I agree with Miss September - too true!

    I used to be rude about it but I tired of that. Besides, I don't want to propagate the stereotype that we're bitter.
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    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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