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Thread: I am feeling awkard surfing matrimonial site for THE disabled

  1. #11
    I should probably clarify. It may be a great change for you to date someone from a completely different culture. I can appreciate that. But perhaps an international dating site may allow you to meet other Indian people in other countries, where they are exposed to a disabled population that has individuals who are independant, employed and entrepreneurs such as yourself.

    There is a large Indian population in Canada and the US, where people are generally more aware and therefore more open minded about people with disabilities.

    Good luck in your search!

  2. #12
    wow..i am feeling so good talking here and reading..love you all..thanks a lot..i hv frds here..but ur all thinking are soo much different..my sis is somewhat like you all...it makes a lot of difference talking with somebody out of India..thinking is different..

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    I have taken a photography course once, and a cooking class. You get to meet people that way, and even if they just become friends it is still a big plus.
    I think i will rejoin painting....n also will learn something..thanx for the idea..this will certainly help me to make new frds

  4. #14
    @lamem - u r right..i m somewhatin between phase..thank god i hv my own business and papas business to handle , otherwise what would had happen..!i try to get focus on that more..but sometimes i just cant tolerate my own sadness..thank god, there is one place like CC where i can totally completely vent..i hv become very much reserved after break up..i cant open up with my best frds too..but CC is the BEST.

    @betheny : i m scared of being single..my choice is disable guy bcos normal guys especially of India( feel bad to say that) are more concerned abt family,community.so disable guy would be good as we match.no obligations and no sacrifices. i just saw him once in common frd marriage.he couldnt face me, neither me.h is single still.watching girls,fixing meetings n all that show.watching other couples like my frds, i feel terrible bcos i hv experienced all that..( i had given him ethg..crossed limits!) i was mad , foolish, dumb so all this is happened..so easy it was..we met,he proposed, for him i went for stem cells,tried to get independent,watched movies,went out station,dreams,parents said NO, he left with ease with no looking back..

    @Kiran - yes u r right...i certainly should surf international sites. my parents are very ok whatever i feel. infact i want to marry, lol for myself and for them..they not at all pressurised me, infact, they want to secure me with them whole life and give me tons of happiness..

    @teena : i thought that he is the guy for me bcos he approached me..and all those love and caring ways..but now atleast i know what is suitable for me..not normal guy..and never to trust much..

  5. #15

    )

    when you say normal, you mean able-bodied, right? Believe me, I've known some abnormal able-bodied men! (joke)

    I hear you scolding yourself for dumb things you did due to love. I bet every woman has done rash, crazy, insane things, and crossed limits of one sort or another. Love messes up your brain chemistry! I hope you can forgive yourself for being human, sometime soon. It doesn't mean you are bad.

    Gosh, those Bollywood movies have girls misbehaving, sneaking out with boys, etc., just like American girls! I saw one recently where, at the end, the youngest daughter ran off with a slimeball in London and the family had to track her down. But the family was just glad to have her home. Your family sounds wonderful, giving you tons of happiness. You were luckily not caught misbehaving but I bet your family would have forgiven you. I hope soon you know you deserve to be forgiven, and to be loved by a man that "trips your trigger". If you limit yourself to disabled Indian men, you've really cut down the dating pool.

    But gosh, they would sure be happy to see you come rolling in! The whole package, which you are, specifically seeking a disabled man...they'd be fighting over you!

    BTW, Indians in Britain, there are many many many. I've seen lots but movies tell me there are scads. Kiran's right, international dating sites, I think!

    But would you hate to move away from your parents, to Canada, the US, the UK? THAT would be hard, I think!

    May I ask a question? Are you expected to date/marry an Indian man, or man of Indian heritage? Would your family be scandalized if you fell for, say, a cowboy from Oklahoma, or a Chinese accountant from Beijing, or an African stockbroker in London? If so, why? Is it because of race or religion or something, or is none of this a problem and the whole world your oyster?

    Sorry to be clueless, I thought maybe you wouldn't mind educating me so I could be less dumb!

    It is pretty lame to have my perception of the massive nation of India come from the few Bollywood movies in English, or with subtitles LOL. They are ALL about weddings, too! If not for Slumdog Millionaire, one would think your whole country does nothing but weddings! (I gotta say, the weddings are fabulous. That one movie, Monsoon Wedding I believe? Made me want to be Indian so I could have such a wedding! But maybe you'll invite me to yours, I'd happily settle for that!)
    Last edited by betheny; 08-11-2009 at 12:36 PM.

  6. #16
    Shwetarose,

    A "normal guy" will love someone for who they are. And they will love them enough to go through whatever things they have to go through for the sake of their true love.

    Any guy who can walk (or roll) away from you and never look back is NOT the person for you.

    It is very very hard for anyone to trust a new guy after a breakup. And yours was a major breakup, not a little breakup.

    But what you have to do is follow your heart.

    You can't think less of yourself because you went through this.

    I know that is EXactly how you feel...that somehow if you could go back in time things would be different, and that if you yourself were different things would have worked out...

    Truth is...marriage to HIM is not for you. And that is OK.

    And one day, you have to give yourself permission to move on. And to look for a new love. And he will come when you meet the right person at the right time.

    I'm so glad you started posting again.

    I agree with Betheny. Don't limit yourself as to who you think will love you. It's also about who YOU will love.

    The idea of "I will love this person because I can't find anyone else" or "I will love this person because nobody else will ever love me" just does not make sense.

    I sort of understand the Indian culture because my Mom who was a Nurse worked for a Doctor from India for several years. In fact the Dr. and his wife had never met until their wedding day...it was an arranged marriage.

    If faced with an arranged marriage or a marriage of the heart, I would go for the marriage of the heart...love.

    That's not to say bad things about Indian culture or arranged marriages...that's just my way of thinking.

    Please do not give up on yourself. Please do not think less of yourself. I consider you a friend too and you deserve the best!

    Take care, and keep in touch!

  7. #17
    Shwetarose, please tell us what kind of scenes you like to paint...

  8. #18
    oh man!!!!!!!!....u all deserve to be Doctor - Psychiatrist . u read my mind and heart so accurate. the things i also dont know abt me...

    @betheny :- so true, there are abnormal able bodied men..and they are disable from mind.yes my family was with me..they didnt even scold me. my mother did scold me when i roam around sad, irresponsible,not home mentally.they encouraged me every time. " Would your family be scandalized if you fell for, say, a cowboy from Oklahoma, or a Chinese accountant from Beijing, or an African stockbroker in London?" this is hilarious.very true.i dont know how they would react..n yes even me not.first of all,i m pure vegetarian.so they guy should be vegetarian bcos it would be damn diffciult for me.culture or race dont matter.food matters .really matters a lot.and yes being away from parents wouldnt be right for me.they wont send me n neither i will. i will try international dating sites where i will try to find someone from india.(its hard but will try).
    Indian weddings is full of fun.....clothes,jewellery,food,music,dance,program mes.n IF i marry , i wouldnt skip neone from carecure to invite..n specially will indulge u to wear indian clothes n jewellery

    @teena - "And one day, you have to give yourself permission to move on. "true.very true. i knw now that i m not giving permission to myself to move one.
    "The idea of "I will love this person because I can't find anyone else" or "I will love this person because nobody else will ever love me" just does not make sense." Exactly..sometimes i feel, if not he, then who.n i feel selfish then.but the feeling is very true.if ever he comes back, i would still hv feelings and would still hv even if i m with another.may be i dont know what exactly would be.
    But that is for sure that i wouldnt be with him ever bcos when person can leave me without no looking back and with no care, why would i risk myself ..n he is not coming back ever..i should stop this thinking also.

    good if i had dumped him..

  9. #19
    Shwetarose,

    What I REALLY like about what you say is that you are so honest with yourself. You aren't pretending that all is well, and yet you are not giving up on your future.

    I have to agree 100%...food matters...ROFL.

    I'm not a vegetarian, but I can tell you this much, my boyfriend and I have had many conversations on what type foods we love...lol. It would be horrible to go through life with someone who was so narrow minded that they expected you to eat only what they ate...lol.

    Hmmmm...I have never been to an Indian Wedding but I have seen a lot of them on TV. They are very beautiful ceremonies. I am amazed at the patience the brides have for getting the henna put all over their hands, etc. I would be too impatient for more than one brush stroke...lol.

    The outfits (sari?) are so amazing. So many bright colors, and so many gold threads...wow.

    And even the grooms get to dress up...and sometimes match their brides...

    Jewelry is ALWAYS good...lol.

    You will have to send me a video of that day... I know you WILL be a beautiful bride one day...

    As for still thinking of your EX...for myself, I have found the ONE guy that I love, and I do not even think back to my EX boyfriend. My new boyfriend fills my thoughts and even my friends say that when I speak to him on the phone, I just glow...lol.

    Your ex boyfriend will never know what a wonderful time he gave up by letting you go...and that is HIS loss, not really yours. Because now you are free to find someone who will love you unconditionally...and love you without being ashamed of it, but by being proud of loving you and proud of you!!!

    There ARE better times ahead, and the BEST person for you is just waiting to be found.

    I wish you and your parents would move to the USA, and be my neighbors. I am glad that there is no distance on friendship...

    I wish you could have seen his true heart first, and dumped him before he dumped you, but I am so thankful that you did get to see his true heart before you had already married him.

    You would have been so very miserable if he always and always put his parents wishes above yours.

    I have known couples who's parents dominated their love/relationship/marriage.

    In most cases, those marriages did not last very long.

    My Mom even knew of one lady who's MOTHER went with her and her new husband on their honeymoon...staying in the same cabin the newlyweds did!!!

    That is just plain crazy.

    Your parents sound very loving and open minded. I am glad you have so much family support.

    Take care...

    Teena

    PS---you didn't say what you like to paint...

  10. #20
    Yup..my fav painting is of Ganpati ( Ganesha -god) i will soon publish on FB.i really hope u get opportunity to come in India for my wedding..lol..lol..and u r gonna wear Saree, jewellery,accessories,mehendi etc etc ....yes u r ALL coming... wow...that would be awesome..!!!!
    Last edited by Shwetarose; 08-21-2009 at 08:17 AM.

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