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Thread: Need advice regarding moving on.

  1. #1

    Need advice regarding moving on.

    Hello

    My name is Kelly. My husband became a T5 complete in October 2008 due to a horse racing accident. I have had to rearrange our lives to care for him. We have two elementary age children. I just have been struggling with my children work which I am now doing from home and caring for my husband. It has been 9 months post surgery and I feel like I haven't seen any improvement due to the " I can't" mentality. I was wondering if anyone has an idea on how to get him thinking "I Can"? I would like him to see that there is still life after an accident. I really need my old husband back!

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Hi Kelly
    My husband is 9 years post and I am his caregiver. You will never have your "old" husband back but it took my husband about a year to decide to do things again. He finally decided he can't do what he used to and started doing things in a new way. It will get easier. He should be very independant in the future because of his level of injury. My husband is c5. If he could use his hands life would be so different. I'm here if you want to talk.

  3. #3
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kellymarl View Post
    Hello

    My name is Kelly. My husband became a T5 complete in October 2008 due to a horse racing accident. I have had to rearrange our lives to care for him. We have two elementary age children. I just have been struggling with my children work which I am now doing from home and caring for my husband. It has been 9 months post surgery and I feel like I haven't seen any improvement due to the " I can't" mentality. I was wondering if anyone has an idea on how to get him thinking "I Can"? I would like him to see that there is still life after an accident. I really need my old husband back!

    Thank you!
    It's been less than a year, and sometimes it takes someone newly injured a while to get moving ahead again. You might have him come here and read some of the posts in the different forums, to see that many people are very active in sports and work and helping others, etc. Basically they get on with their lives, their work and their hobbies, and live life to the best of their abilities. Hopefully he'll come around soon. At T5, he can do a lot, even if he doesn't see that at this time. I'm the same level. Best of luck Kelly. You should keep coming here yourself, and check out the Caregiving Forum.

    Truth be told, I'm not sure what type of care you're giving him. Being he is T5, he should be able to do everything himself where care is concerned. But for some it takes longer to get over the hump, so to speak.
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    Thanks!

  4. #4
    Thank you RDF. I have been trying to tell him he needs to be caring for himself. But I think that he doesn't want to except that he can do all of his care.

  5. #5
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kellymarl View Post
    Thank you RDF. I have been trying to tell him he needs to be caring for himself. But I think that he doesn't want to except that he can do all of his care.
    Well, maybe packing up the kids and heading out for a weekend away (leaving your husband at home) might do wonders in the "I can't" department Seriously, you might have to do something like that to get him going. It's too much for you to take care of someone who can take care of himself. I'm sure he'll come around, but he might need a 'push' to realize he can't rely on you for everything. At his level, he should be helping out with the kids, with housework, and looking for a job if he doesn't have one at this time, and handling all care related matters himself. Best of luck Kelly, I know it's hard the first year for everyone involved. It's often harder on the family members than on the injured person.
    Please donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org.
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    Thanks!

  6. #6
    Did he have rehabilitation? Does he go to a support group?
    Have you tried setting weekly goals for him to accomplish one thing at a time? Is he depressed? On any antidepression medications?

    CWO

  7. #7
    So sorry to hear about your condition. At his level, he should be able to live independently with some assistance.

  8. #8
    I Think you should have a nice long talk with your husband explaining your concerns about his lack of self-care. When I first became ill with MS (C4-C5) I was scared to do anything for myself. It took my daughters telling me that they neeeded my help with taking care of me, especially with the things that I could do for myself. I decided to try and help myself ,first by letting go of the "poor me" attitude. It is now eight years later and I take care of myself. Have you tried to get a personal care aide for him through medicaid? If you qualify that would take alot of the load off of you. Keep your chin up-- it gets easier over time.

    PEACE

    Stellab

  9. #9
    I agree with what everyone has been writing. I am a C-4 C-5 C-6, couldn't do anything at first but after you realize there is such a thing as life in a wheelchair things just go much better. Don't look at what you lost but rather what you have left. Good luck!
    From the time you were born till you ride in a hearse, there is nothing so bad that it couldn't be worse!

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  10. #10
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    tell him to come meet us. it is not so easy moving on. He may not realise he is capable. or that he simply should be doing more for himself. he has good arms right? id be dumping baskets of warm laundry in front of him to fold. find some chores for him to do. I can scrub a tub by having a scrub brush with a long handle, and showerhead on a hose for rinsing, and befor I could stand again, I vacumed sitting on my butt or in a wheelchair. someone brought me a shop vac and extra hose and tubes so that I could reach up to the celing and get the cobwebs, everything got vacumed. I had two small children, and no one to clean my place but me. I had to learn to fold laundry with one good hand and one retarded one. and scoot it up stairs one step at a time. after a while, just trying to do the laundry and vacuming, standing proped up to the counter for dishes, ect, caused some recovery. it was the beginning walking again for me. Im not saying if he folds laundry he will walk again, but who knows? does he drive?

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