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Thread: parties.....

  1. #1
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    parties.....

    (My husband is T10 complete and it's been 11 months since his injury.)

    If you get invited to someones house for a bbq, party etc....how do you get in? Most houses don't have ramps. You still go don't you?


    Here's one more question...
    My sister lives very close to a lake and we would frequently hang out by the water during the summer however there's about 12 steps to get to the water and my husband has no desire to hang out there anymore. Should I just accept this or push him to go?

    He is not one to ask for help.

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Senior Member danielgr's Avatar
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    MJcat,

    I would suggest that you don't push him to do anything he doesn't want to do because he is still in the early part of his injury. The best thing to do is to just let him tell you when he is ready. It might take awhile, but I'm sure he will come around. He is still tring ot accept his new way of life. I'm sure he is having a hard time seeing his self as a handicap person. When he does decide to go out and do some of the old things you did pre-sci, it will be REAL HARD for him when he has to have someone help him get into a house or down the steps at the lake. That's was the hardest thing for me when I was first injuried, is go out with friends and do the things I use to do pre-sci. The simple things are the hardest, like when his friends decide to go out on the boat and he has to stay behind. Or when they decide to take a walk a longside the lake and he has to stay behind with the women and children. Those are the things that will remind him of his injury and that's something that will make him decide if he wants to go next time.
    Take it slow and give him time to adapt to his new way of life. Good Luck, Dan

    MJcat, please fill in your profile so we know who we are talking to. Thanks

  3. #3
    I am in a light chair and weigh less than 130 so most of my life I have had to be picked up by a few men in these circumstances. I can see why your hubby, especially being newly injured would not be so keen on this idea. It can potentially be dangerous also if done incorrectly...and it often is..You have to look your carriers in the eyes and make sure they listen while you explain how they need to do this. Like yeah don't pick me up by the wheel--or I will be face first on pavement. Too many have been dumped and hurt like this.

    I have a friend visiting some of her relatives and they are building a ramp. Problem is last time they did this many years ago the ramp was unusable for her independently.

    This time they are having a "builder" do it who "knows what he is doing" and therefore she hasn't been asked for any input. Hmmm. She has already booked a hotel room close by as she refuses to use a ramp that she can not use independently. Also good to involve the person who is using ramp.

    The ADA law has ramp specifications..maximum slope being 12 inches long for every 1 inch height...and a platform on top for being level when you are entering door. http://www.mobility-advisor.com/wheelchair-ramp-specs.html But not everyone can do 1:12 ramp. 1:16 is better for some.

    If it is feasible to print or email copies of this guide for his closest friends and relatives he visits often--or direct them to the links to aluminum ramp manufacturers, maybe they will consider adding some universal design features to one of the entries of their home.

    You will really start to see the kindness, consideration and sensitivity come out in some people. Unfortunately, you will also see the opposite in those that do not even show any willingness to think of your husbands feelings. It will bring a tear to your eye sometimes how kind people can be. In our situation you will see how often we "depend on the kindness of strangers".
    "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~Carlos Castaneda

  4. #4
    He is going to have to start accepting help or live his life as a hermit. I'm sure his family and friends would be happy to help him. Make sure no one ever tries to carry his chair by any moveable parts such as leg rests. Stairs are relatively easy to go up and down with the right technique and strength.
    "The sweet is not as sweet without the bitter"
    ~"Vanilla Sky"~

  5. #5
    Senior Member Riaan's Avatar
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    I wont say you sould push him,going to a BBQ should not be a problem normaly my friends help me up the stairs.If i do get to a place with lots of stairs,two of my friends would grab my wheels and other 2 my frame.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Foolish Old's Avatar
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    That's some wide-ass staircase that lets five people and a chair bunch together and ascend/descend. Carrying chair and user gets much harder and less safe as the load increases past 150 lbs.
    Quote Originally Posted by Riaan View Post
    I wont say you sould push him,going to a BBQ should not be a problem normaly my friends help me up the stairs.If i do get to a place with lots of stairs,two of my friends would grab my wheels and other 2 my frame.
    Foolish

    "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

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  7. #7
    Senior Member danielgr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorrie View Post
    He is going to have to start accepting help or live his life as a hermit. I'm sure his family and friends would be happy to help him. Make sure no one ever tries to carry his chair by any moveable parts such as leg rests. Stairs are relatively easy to go up and down with the right technique and strength.
    See this kind of comment is the thing that always bugged me after my injury, is when people said I have to get out any do things regradless if I felt ready or not. I always had a better time going places when I wanted to go, not when someone told me I had too.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Riaan's Avatar
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    I know its not safe,yes and i am talking about a wide staircase,a normal staircase wont work with 4 men tho two big guys taking one by the back and one in the front also works but the guy at the back suffers because he must bend to get you up

  9. #9
    Senior Member McDuff's Avatar
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    A simple step or two into a house is easy for one friend to help him. Turn around so facing backwards and tell your friend to "treat me like a keg of beer", most guys will know what this means. They grab your push handles and lean you back, then they pull up as he pulls backwards on his tires, he'll pop right up the step. Jut remember, they gotta keep him tilted back as they go. just like a keg of beer on a dolly, if you don't lean the dolly, the beer falls off.

    That's not asking for much help, and the guy(s) usually get a big laugh out if it.

    Twelve steps down, that's a whole 'nother matter. Not sure I'd push him for that one. That requires a lot of help(I'm an old 53yr T10 so I don't do steps by myself), plus once he's down there, he's stuck. If he needs to pee, he can't, etc.
    "a T10, who'd Rather be ridin'; than rollin'"

  10. #10
    Senior Member Foolish Old's Avatar
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    For the sake of the general discussion...

    not every chair has push-handles.

    the people that take you up (or down) a flight of stairs to the party may be gone or drunk when it's time to go the other way to leave.
    Foolish

    "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

    "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg

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