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Thread: Assisted Living Centers?

  1. #1

    Assisted Living Centers?

    My mom just informed me tonight that she is completely burned out and no longer wants to help me at all with anything. About the only thing you really need help from her is bowel care or three times a week, changing my catheter (which I'm sure I can walk caregivers through), and occasionally when a caregiver calls in sick and my sister can't help me, I need a little help then. I pay her rent for my guesthouse, pay all my utilities and I have every intention of getting a job and getting back into school once a sore on my butt heals up. Well tonight she had to do the wound care because my caregiver couldn't make it and I guess that was just too much for her. After that, she told me I have to move to an assisted living place. So I'm curious, anyone here have any good experience living at an assisted living center? The whole idea of freaks me out that I would lose any kind of independence that I have with caregivers, but I don't know what to do. I know I'm going to have to hire a new nighttime caregiver who can help me with bowel care because of the one I have now won't do it and made it quite clear that she has no interest in learning. This is very frustrating. Not only do I feel not loved, but my nine-year anniversary is Thursday so it's already a stressful week. Anybody in Phoenix here living in an assisted living center?
    C-5/6, 7-9-2000
    Scottsdale, AZ

    Make the best out of today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Nobody knows that better than those of us that have almost died from spinal cord injury.

  2. #2
    Sorry to hear. Have you read the book

    Caregivers and Personal Assistants: How to Find, Hire and Manage the People Who Help You (Or Your Loved One!)

    I'm reading it now. If you can find caregivers willing to do bowel care, etc. (put it in your list of requirements when you hire), your mom might let you stay in the guesthouse (for pete's sake, you're paying for it!).

    The author hires college students; is there a college near you?

    It is a great book.

  3. #3
    Hello rybread, Try doing a seach for handicap apts. and housing. Sometime they have a listing for assist living.
    Sorry to hear about your situation, I know it's mind blowing to hear those words "burn out", hang in there. Things will work out and god will bless you.
    coolbreeze c6/7

    Keep on moving don't stop!

  4. #4
    You really should call your local independent living office. They will know what resources are out there. In assisted living, many of the caregivers may not be allowed to do bowel care, catheter changes or wound care (although there may be a lpn that can do this).

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    middle georgia
    i completely understand have you given thought to a colomstoy<SP> its total freedom and makes hiring a caregiver much easier. just a thought

  6. #6
    Im sure you have tried Craigs list? look under resumes search caregiver you will fnd help. good luck and let me know how it goes..


  7. #7
    Phoenix should be big enough to have a decent Center for Independent Living. I wonder if they could direct you toward some setting a bit less limiting than assisted living. For a while here in the Flint area there was a small apartment almost completely inhabited by chair users. PAs were shared for reduced costs and the residents did a lot of socializing. Something like that might be a nice alternative with fewer rules. Assisted living may be a better environment than non supportive family. This situation may be depressing right now but could turn out to be an opportunity for change for the better.

  8. #8
    Sorry to hear about your situation. No one can ever replace your mother as far as being "your mother" and burn out is understandable. However, I would think you would be able to find the help you need by being completely honest in looking for a replacement. I also think the greatest issue would be to continue living where you are at versus assisted living as you are use to the place and know your way around and where things are at etc. IMO being where you are at now would be far better than any other type of living center. Unless of course you are not happy where you are at now. Good luck man!

  9. #9

    Contact ABIL. They'll have a list of facilties and more info. Are you familiar with the Men's discussion group that meets monthly? Both ABIL and AZSCIA provide transportation. I also think there are a couple of guys that might have some general info. Do you know Gary and/or Don? If that doesn't create an "oh yeah" contact me and I'll put you in touch. I think they're both good resources, I'd start with Don (after ABIL and AZSCIA). Sorry to hear about this. Keep posting.
    My blog: Living Life at Butt Level

    Ignite Phoenix #9 - Wheelchairs and Wisdom: Living Life at Butt Level

    "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

    Dawna Markova Author of Open Mind.

  10. #10
    I can not imagine what your Mom's words did to you. However, I think that you have been given some good advice. Try looking for a new night caregiver. Start with colleges, especially those that have Schools for Nursing. Also, you could try churches/synogogues, etc. Be honest with what you need from them, so that they know what they are getting into.

    It sounds as though the post above this one, might be a good place to start.


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