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Thread: I'm tired of this #$%&-ing pain!!!!

  1. #101
    The only thing that keeps me going is my grandchildren and children when I feel really down she kicks me up the ass and reminds me some people are worse than me and how selfish I am for even contemplating suicide how i would affect her life and her kids life we manage because we have to we have a choice live or die and non of them are any good choices but its what god dealt me yes I believe in god and pray the pain wont be in the other world, I am luckier than most I am not in a chair but I have inoperable C2 and a cage C3-4-5-6 with T10 now going, I just have to face it every day of every minute of every second and hope I get painfree and piece for a prescouse few min of forgetfulness and when I am because I know I will either die quick or end in a wheelchair I pray my life wont get any worse

  2. #102
    Senior Member reedyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by metronycguy View Post
    I GOT LUCKY FOR AWHILE NOW, the pain is manged, it is scary to think of the the sharp shocks i get . i know there is nothing i have that will put a damper on it.
    methadone and fentora and neurontin have quelled the pain, fentora is the bt med, it scare me how much i have to take to knock the pain down, b ut it works, and that is beautiful.
    i find xanax also works when combined with methadone, but it makes me sleepy, amd i hate to take it, i am hoping that i will be able to get out of the house at a decent hour and tke Xanax about hour before i am ready to lie down for a nap, i did that last summer and was able to drastic lower the fentora dosage.

    be careful man you see what just happened to Mr Jackson. Hang in there we do not want to lose any cc members

    dave

  3. #103
    I just don't give a fuck anymore, 2 weeks of testing, nerves deteriorating, spine deteriorating, new meds bad reactions. saw my shrink and after 5 years she just had tears in her eyes.

    just can't put my daughters through it or I'd check out tonight.

    all that I am is all gone.

    bill

  4. #104
    Senior Member reedyd's Avatar
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    hang tough man

  5. #105

    Unhappy

    I wish I had a magic wand. I feel so sad that so many people in the sci community are suffering,
    Blessed Be
    My mouth is like a magician's hat, never know what might come out of it.

  6. #106
    Senior Member Fragile's Avatar
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    Just curious, don't mean to upset anybody. This is hard for me to post, but it's been running through my mind a lot lately...

    Knowing what you know about the horrors of CP & SCI, if one of your family members was suffering through what you are, would you want them to keep living just for your benefit? I've had close friends who have committed suicide due to mental issues. I felt horrible and the initial shock left me sick to my stomach. Thought, what a selfish thing to do, I'd never put my family through that kind of grief. But after 5 years of increasingly worsening untreatable CP, I'm beginning to think, they'll eventually get over it and their lives will go on as mine did.

    On another note, I'm afraid of committing suicide because I'd have to face God. I have to believe in God because of an experience I had in my early teens. But now I'm beginning to wonder if He's sadistic.

  7. #107
    Fragile - may I ask who your family consists of? Parents, children, spouse, siblings, friends, pets, neighbors?

  8. #108
    Senior Member Fragile's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arndog View Post
    Fragile - may I ask who your family consists of? Parents, children, spouse, siblings, friends, pets, neighbors?
    both parents, a brother and a sister, five nieces, a nephew, a grandmother and grandfather.

  9. #109
    I have had the discussion with my family, shrink and minister. I know the catholic church (formerly catholic) considers it a mortal sin. other religions do not hold so firm.

    My rationale is if I had waited another day or 2 before seeking treatment I'd be dead and God would (hopefully) welcome me home. Would he hold marginally successful surgey that leaves me tortured 24 x365 the determining factor when I faced him or would he fell I had done my best and forgive me?

    My own feelings are that I would be welcome, but i do not treat this lightly.

    Most of my family and close friends feel it is only a matter of time and while they know there will be baggage have already acknowledged that while they would feel bad they would understand have watched my life for 5 years.

    I would leave 2 parents 4 brothers and families and 4 children with 2 grandchildren. with the exception of the grandchildren I have discussed it with all of them.

    STill have a couple options so continue forward until there is nothing left.

    This is a near daily struggle for the past 5 months.

    all that I am is all gone

    bill

  10. #110
    Senior Member reedyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fragile View Post
    Just curious, don't mean to upset anybody. This is hard for me to post, but it's been running through my mind a lot lately...

    Knowing what you know about the horrors of CP & SCI, if one of your family members was suffering through what you are, would you want them to keep living just for your benefit? I've had close friends who have committed suicide due to mental issues. I felt horrible and the initial shock left me sick to my stomach. Thought, what a selfish thing to do, I'd never put my family through that kind of grief. But after 5 years of increasingly worsening untreatable CP, I'm beginning to think, they'll eventually get over it and their lives will go on as mine did.

    On another note, I'm afraid of committing suicide because I'd have to face God. I have to believe in God because of an experience I had in my early teens. But now I'm beginning to wonder if He's sadistic.
    Job's experiences can explain why righteous people may go through discouraging and traumatic times and be tempted to resent God for not obviously and quickly intervening on their behalf. Like Job, we can fail to understand that God sees far more than we see.
    No matter how severe a trial is, we should never assume God isn't listening or doesn't care. He sees lessons we need to learn that are beyond our present understanding. We need always to remember some excellent advice from King David: "Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!" (Psalm 27:14). We should learn from Job's experience to maintain patient respect and trust in God even in the midst of our sufferings (James 5:10-11).

    I hope you can find some peace in your life without doing something drastic.

    As we all know. " It is a lot harder to live than it is to die.

    God Bless you and remember you don't suffer alone,

    David

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