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Thread: I'm tired of this #$%&-ing pain!!!!

  1. #251
    Senior Member da lurker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    29 ° N 81 ° W
    Quote Originally Posted by Skye83 View Post
    My life still reflects the "elephant in the room" dynamic. I have such vivid and unpleasant memories of my childhood. My dad would come home drunk on a Saturday night, beat my mother and I would hide, covering my ears, trying so hard not to hear her screams and the furniture flying. Sunday morning was Dad's specialty German pancakes breakfast. I remember so well how bizarre it felt to sit at the table eating those great pancakes, everybody acting as though nothing had happened the night before. It took a few years of therapy for me to be able to express my emotions and be myself, so to speak. (Self-actualization.)

    Now I'm 56 years old and feeling like that little girl who would sit and smile through any kind of horror. Only now I'm not so shut down that I realize exactly what is happening. (Sometimes I wish I wasn't so aware-it really hurts not to have validation or at least some interest in my pain.) My family of origin either totally ignores me or uses any opportunity on the subject of pain to talk about their own issues. I politely listen, but honestly seethe inside-their pains are either transient or relieved with medication. I realize they can't possibly understand what it's like to be in my body. But the fact no one even TRIES to understand or ask what the central pain feels like...that's when I feel I'm still at that breakfast table, sitting and smiling through the bizarre horror. Only now that horror is my own body and the "outsiders" who will never get it or even try to understand are just people, not family, just people. At least, I can post here and I know there are persons sitting and nodding in understanding, just as I have read so many posts that move me. The "elephant in the room" is my wracking pain and I don't have any illusions that my family will ever be emotionally supportive. I've had to find other ways to help myself survive. Posting here helps a lot.

    But yeah, I'm tired of this #$%&-ing pain, too.
    relate to your entire post...a relative came out on the porch when i was icing down my knee because i had taken my daily allotment of pain pills and my leg joints were still killing me, and he started kicking out his leg like one of those rockett dancers and saying how his knee was messing with him too. . Though I can walk I can't stand on one foot for more than a second. He often makes coments about my "pain" like im making a big deal about it. Not a lot I can do...can't prove I'm in pain...makes me start to doubt myself and think I'm some kind of superman hypochondriac with super powers for feeling super pains. Or hummmmm.........maybe I really are that pain pill addict he inferred I was.

    but anyway...people can only see the world through their own eyes

    pain is a vulgar verb

  2. #252
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    My scapulas and vertebrae feel like they have no skin - feel like the bones just stick way out of my back (sounds like yours feels, hipcrip), along with all the other pain sensations and my popping scapulas. My abdomen is just as sharp. Legs, feet, and hands are also very sharp. And they all keep getting worse, as they have since they first appeared. Regular MRIs supposedly show no change in my neck, yet pains increase and arm function decreases. I'm beyond tired of all this (and tired of sitting so unbalanced and crooked.) Consciousness is torture, moving is worse.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  3. #253

    I am with arndog for sure on this one. For sure.

    To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he wanted you without meds so he could test you better, but it sounds like he did not apologize after the xray showed the fracture. It is a very insulting thing to call someone a drug seeker. Or maybe he feels under pressure from the regulatory boards. Doctors minds are warped from stories of docs who lose their licenses.

    I would write a letter to the state medical board (US territory?) and ask them to require this doctor to complete training to update his knowledge about hyperpathic pain. Where was he trained? Or should I say where did he fail to get training.

    Not being vindictive, just trying to help this poorly responsive ER doc out of some bad habits. Maybe he sees people all the time trying to seek drugs and you are a victim of HEURISTIC medicine.

    A note should be placed in your chart concerning central pain. I would ask for a review of your personal medical situation by the ER committee, and at least require him to review your surgical history, and then also require that he read something about central pain. David's site has some good stuff. Sergio Canavero has a book on the market. (And you could always ask him to voluntarily have a shot of capsaicin---where is up to you; wherever you think would enhance his understanding the most).

    ER docs work long shifts. He may have had some patient he thought was really sick and hurried you along without stopping to think. The realization needs to occur that someone with CP is really sick.

    Obviously I don't actually believe all this slack i am cutting him, I am just trying to set a context for how you might write a letter of complaint.

    You have a choice between coming on strong, vs. just wearing him down. You might try a feeler letter which is moderate, and decide if you have to raise Cain or whether successive submission of central pain info to him AND to the hospital board might have the most effect.

    Finally you might have him look at this thread, this forum.
    Last edited by dejerine; 12-16-2009 at 11:04 PM.

  4. #254
    Junior Member VavaBoomer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    near St Louis MO
    I sit here in tears as I read all your post, I'm a newbie to the world of pain! The more sensation and muscle I regain the more pain. My Doctor warned me this would happen. So why did I bother? Now I'm not only in pain, but now I can no longer conceal my depression! I thank all of you for sharing.

  5. #255
    Jon and Dej -- I adore you both for your concern and suggestions. I did pursue this with the hospital (it happened almost two years ago) through the Patient Advocate's office (she's a treasure) so the issue would be brought up during their next review by the Joint Commission as well as with hospital administration. Getting anything to happenn down here is a nightmare, but I keep plugging away.

    Believe me, I am no stranger to the higher ups re: hospital policies vs. effective pain management. For those interested, here is the tale of my first encounter: The Great Drug War of 2007. When I've gone into the ER for non-pain issues since then, the ER nurses all know (and like) me and just tell me to let them know when I take my pain meds so they can chart it. The docs are still a problem.

    BTW, the ER doctor in question was a woman, not US educated. The nurses on staff, as well as the radiologist (who told her that x-rays could not be taken until she could position my ankle without me screaming and my hypersensitive leg spasming off the x-ray plate), all joined me in reporting this doctor. When the doc finally consented to give me 25 mg of Toradol and I reported feeling some relief 15 minutes later, the doc said, to my face and in front of a dozen people, that this confirmed I was drug seeking because "Toradol doesn't work that fast." Fortunately, the island's only ortho doc arrived bout then and gave me 50 mg of Demerol and 25 mg of phenergan, which got me through the x-rays that confirmed both tib and fib were broken.
    It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

    ~Julius Caesar

  6. #256
    omg I somehow missed your previous post. Broke your leg on purpose to get drugs???!!!

    I'm off to read your "drug war" post - by the way, you can report the hospital to JCAHO if they are accredited - that is definitely against their standards.

    Too appalled to think of anything more coherent (Dejerine and Arndog have pretty much covered it in any case).

    We had a problem with an ER, and a hospital inpatient as well. Always planned on raising cain, but too tired trying to get diagnoses these days. But we still might get to it.

  7. #257
    Oh, just read the great drug war. Oh that was marvelous - YOU are marvelous.

    They after are all, your property. What I wondered was - I understand it is "hospital policy" that they are to dole them out. But the law? What law?

    Interestingly, my husband has brought his own meds to the hospital before. For cya, they did have the pharmacist look at them. As they hadn't previously pissed us off, that was fine with us. But they didn't try to take them away from him, and dole them back out.

    btw... just for future reference... if you leave the hospital AMA, most insurance won't pay for the stay - I believe Medicare is the same, or so I have been told.

  8. #258
    Senior Member da lurker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    29 ° N 81 ° W
    I was told by an ER admitting nurse that the hospital wasn't a homeless shelter. This was the same hospital that did my surgery. I had a bad headache for a couple of weeks.

  9. #259
    Quote from da luker:

    I was told by an ER admitting nurse that the hospital wasn't a homeless shelter. This was the same hospital that did my surgery. I had a bad headache for a couple of weeks.

    --end quote--(forgot to hit quote button, sorry!)...


    Somebody needs to be fired! now!!!

    HOW rude, unprofessional, stupid, crazy, AND insane!!!

    Call her supervisor the Human Resources department of the hospital. File an official complaint! Email them, snail mail them...whatever it takes...

    I am not kidding.

    She had absolutely no right to tell you such a thing, and certainly no authority to do so!

    My Mom was an LPN, and worked in hospitals and Dr. offices for years...and this does not have to be tolerated at ALL.

    You deserve an apology...and I am so sorry that she put you through such pure ridicule! If this had happened to me, somebody would have been on the red carpet immediately with a pink slip in their hand...even if I had to pitch a tent in the hospital lobby~!!!

    Take care, friend!


  10. #260
    I hope 2010 is the year this fucking pain stops!!!!!
    L1 Complete - Injury 3/12/06 - Grateful to be alive!!!!

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