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Thread: so the big question?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2009

    so the big question?

    ok I have to ask only being 14 im a vergin and now im paralyzed and have no clue what to expect any more every girl want there first time to be great and now I have no idea what it is going to be like will I feel anything when I feel down there I feel nothing will I be able to get it I just want as much info as I can get this is just all so new to me and I keep thinking of other things that have changed in my life

    SOFTBALL was my life RECOVERY is now

  2. #2
    hey emily i kno im a guy but lol i got hurt at 15 and im still a virgin so i dont no what to expect eiither but im gonna find out soon hopefully lol

  3. #3
    I'm not your parent but 14 is way too young.
    Finish school.
    When the time comes you PLAN to be sexually active get your butt to a gyno and practice safe sex ALWAYS.

    Your 14 year old friends have the same questions regardless of paralysis.
    Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

    I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

  4. #4
    You're lucky you're a girl, since we have less performance issues LOL. A good friend of mine was injured at your age and was also a virgin. She now has a big, buff, hot AB boyfriend that treats her like a queen. She is really open about her sexuality. They just made a documentary about her called "Cody: The First Step." It's brand new but you MUST see it when you can! She had all your same fears and now has a fulfilling sex life. She's in college in CA but goes to see her bf in TX at least once a month.

    She is like a C8 injury, due to tranverse myelitis.

    Cody had more guts and ovaries than most people imo. But I believe her completely when she discusses sex. She says in a way, it requires more trust and intimacy for her. Since she can't move her body, she has to trust him to do it for her. He loves her and would never hurt her, and I guarantee you he's not settling with this girl. And she is not settling for bad sex either. It's really important to her. She did her research, just as you are. I'm sure she was terrified the first time too.

    Most AB girls would envy Cody that boyfriend. It's so cute, he always picks her up and carries her on airplanes. When they;re out, he holds her hand and pulls her, instead of pushing from behind.

    This link is to the trailer for the documentary (which btw also shows Beaux, her hottie bf):

    I won't give you advice, as I've never been in your shoes. I will tell you that the rate of SCI women that have orgasms isn't much lower than that for AB's. Women have a secondary pathway from the genitals to the brain, which bypasses the spinal cord. It's not a guaranteed 100% thing, but the odds are pretty good that it will work for you.

    Good luck!

    Here's a portion of the NY Times review of the documentary...I hadn't seen it before. Girlfriend kicked ass! And they are in the running for an Oscar nomination for it, too.

    "...Informational and emotionally direct, Chris Schueler’s “Cody: The First Step” is a succinct 66-minute portrait of life in a wheelchair whose steadfast subject (the daughter and granddaughter of the racing legends Al Unser Jr. and Sr.) has made it her mission to raise awareness — and research dollars — in the name of finding a cure for all spinal-cord-related paralysis. Notably, she also organizes scuba-diving excursions for wheelchair users and lobbies for stem-cell research.

    Her prevailing optimism is at times countered by introspective moments in which she discusses her troubles and doubts, and, even more candidly, her sexuality, shattering notions that those with paralysis are not sexual beings. The film, with narration by Glenn Close and a recurring song that tugs at the heartstrings a little too hard, also shows Ms. Unser, now 22, facing everyday challenges; a segment in which she struggles to maneuver herself out of the bathtub is particularly effective (if a bit voyeuristic).

    Personal-affliction documentaries are a dime a dozen; seldom are they this gripping and inspiring."
    Last edited by betheny; 05-06-2009 at 02:13 PM.

  5. #5
    And oh yeah, 14 is too young.

    We all had questions at 14. We didn't all have the lack of information you're going to deal with. So ask any questions, this is a safe zone with a lot of women that have rolled in your shoes.

  6. #6
    Wouldn't it be better if the thread was in Women Only instead?
    TH 12, 43 years post

  7. #7


    Betheny - Do you know when or where Cody's documentary will air?

  8. #8
    Emie,your concern is completely valid,it was one of my first thoughts too.From experience,I can whole-heartly tell you that you are too young to be finding out though.Your injury is still new and there is hope you may regain some feeling.Regardless,I would think that since you never knew what it was like before that you won't even know what to expect otherwise.Right time,right person and I'm sure you'll be happy.Please take the advice here Emie and wait a while.It's already an emotional ride,then throw in sci issues and immaturity(although you don't see it now) and you could really get hurt-mentally.I'm not flaming you in any way for asking though,@ your age you're gonna wonder.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by jkn View Post
    Betheny - Do you know when or where Cody's documentary will air?
    There are premiers going on all over the country right now. And PBS is airing a condensed version, I believe they said in July. I'll post when I find out.

  10. #10

    There was this book by the woman who runs the STD testing at California high schools. She found the average age for sex was 15 for the girl and the average age of her partner was 24. The most common reason given to have sex was "I felt I was old enough". This answer really troubled this lady gynecologist and she tried to help girls realize it was a case of adult men having sex with children. The most common characteristic the girl liked about the boy was "He had a cool car". All of this really should indicate that sex is about adult personal relationships. hopefully committed ones.

    And remember Kate Beckinsales comment, "If I had known you could have a relationship [she is married] based on a shared sense of humor, it would have saved a lot of sex.

    Sex without love can make you feel lonelier. So first things first. First, reach a mature age. Second, evaluate what are the moral guidelines which should influence sex. Finally, why are you doing it. Just to experience it is not enough reason. It is an expression of something. You have to determine what it is you want it to express. It hopefully is linked to some kind of commitment. Promiscuity does not strengthen the value of sex, it deteriorates it. Talk to your mother, talk to people who know (and that doesn't mean a girlfriend who is two years older) and have a perspective.

    I'm not preaching, just letting you know that in this day and age of STD, sex should be with the right person at the right time, not just because you think you are old enough to have sex. Sixty percent of the girls tested in CA have an STD and forty percent acquire it on their FIRST contact. Your chances of having it mean something are best if the person respects what it means and does not treat it lightly. Traditionally sex is associated with marriage and there is a reason for traditions, they often help you get by in the best way. Whether you make this decision will be up to you. but don't make a decision based on "being old enough".

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