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Thread: my 16 yr old son is killing me

  1. #1

    my 16 yr old son is killing me

    i've posted on this before and i don't expect any responses. i need to vent. this kid is literally killing me. i can't take the stress, the power trip he pulls on me due to my paralysis, the trash he makes of my house, being called a bitch, etc. etc.

    i am in so much neuropathic pain, i lie in bed and all i hear is how useless i am. i am so tired. so very tired. we had tix to Walking with Dinosaurs tonight. couldn't go. i was in too much pain, had no help...f this. i can't take it much more.

    i thank you for letting me vent. that's all this is: a vent.

  2. #2
    I sympathize, and empathize, and care. Someday he will regret these things, because you haven't raised a monster. In the meanwhile, you will endure, because you are strong and tough. PLEASE cut yourself some slack. No child ever died from missing a Saturday's entertainment.

    I'm sure he's feeling very sorry for himself, because he is of an age where that is what they do, and self is what they think of.

    But it is OK for you to hurt. It sucks, but it doesn't make you less worthy of love or respect. I hear self-blame and just want to remind you that you don't deserve that.

    You've busted your ass. You've done your best. In most cultures he would now be a man in his own right. In the best cultures, he would revere you for the sacrifices you've made on his behalf.

    Hang in. Just hang in, girl. I hope you find the strength to tell him that killing you is not allowed. Mine about took me down too; stress is a dangerous state. If you go down, what happens to him? I'd love to know his theory on that...

  3. #3
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    ..... I hear you cass ..... hang in there ... some days we wished we used better birth control huh !! And I just wanted to support something Beth said .... we hate that they are behaving in a way we know they are going to regret down the road because inevitably they will .... and we know what a heavy load that is to carry .... especially when you they can't go back to say sorry ..... but its how we all learn I guess .... its so painful to be part of that process ....

    Obie
    Last edited by Obieone; 05-03-2009 at 07:43 AM.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  4. #4
    Hang in there Cass.....I'm sorry to hear of this rough spot. Was wondering if the pain you have can be treated at a pain clinic, etc., as it makes everything much more difficult.

  5. #5
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    I too am very sorry to hear about this. As I go around daily, I realize how little respect kids have for their parents nowadays. It is more symptomatic of our cultural as a whole. Kids nowadays are raised to be more narcissistic than at any time in history. All you can do is be the very best person, and parent you can be under the circumstances. Please do not fault yourself for your son's behavior. It's hard enough keeping a child in line as an able bodied person, let alone as one suffering from a SCI. When I go to the mall I am flabbergasted by the blatant disrespect children have for their parents, believe me you are not alone. Take comfort in the fact that you have done your best to raise him. They say you never miss the water until the well runs dry. I do believe he will come around before then, Take care.

  6. #6
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    Cass, I am sorry to hear how bad this is. I think there is a line though between normal teenage angst played out in hostility and what may be actual verbal abuse. If he berates you because of your disability as far as I am concerned that is abuse. Only you know if you want to do anything about it. I once knew a woman who had her son under some court mandated behavioral rules, and if he broke them he would have to leave and be on his own. I don't remember enough of it to know what the policy is called, but I am sure you could look it up. It is a very different thing to be "rotten teenager" and to be unrelently abusive.

  7. #7
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    Oh Cass, I feel for you. Teenagers are trying even on "good" days.

    No suggestions, I am sure you have already thought of/tried anything I could come up with.

    The good thing (and the bad thing) is that they grow up, and eventually move away.

    How old is he now? Might it be time to hurry that point up?
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  8. #8
    Senior Member skippy13's Avatar
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    As a mom who survived raising two sons on her own I sympathise with you. Totally. I had a lot of trouble with one and the other was a dream. I still ended up loving them both just as much and they both turned out just fine. My younger one realised and witnessed all of the suffering I endured to keep working for 15 years in terrible pain. He is an incredibly empathetic person. My older one was already grown and gone when all this started. Just like you did, I worked as long as I could, then had to drop out and just try to make it day to day. I wasn't sure how to keep going.

    I dont understand why your son cant see what is happening and try to make it better for you both instead of giving you hell but that is from a different perspective than his. I hope he will come out of this teenage thing someday and realise what you have sacrificed to give him. It may take a few years and it is probably about as bad as it can get right now, but he will eventually work out whatever it is he has to work out. I hope. Keep going in the direction you have chosen and tell him he can come along for the ride, or just get on with his own life. It seems harsh I know, but you need the peace that you have worked so hard for.
    Anything worth doing, is worth doing to excess

  9. #9
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    Kick his fuckin' ass out. Call the cops and get a restraining order. He can go live in a home for brats. Then he'll see how useless mom was.

  10. #10
    Bette, what Betheny said is on the mark.

    You know I think you are on of the best parents I know of...if I ever had kids, I would most CERTAiNLY call you up and say...WHAT NOW?~!!!

    Relax...the possibility of ME having kids is about as good as naiing jello to a tree...ha!

    But...

    You HAVE DONE and ARE DOING the best you can and sometimes BETTER than the best you can...and nobody at all can fault you for that...

    My own Mom was very sick for a long time before she died, and I can remember at a younger age thinking of all the things that OTHER Mom's did with their children...swimming, hiking, bicycling, huge shopping sprees, etc and wondering WHY my own Mom could NOT hold out to do all those things...and even at one point TELLING her how I felt...and if I could eat my words now, I surely would...

    I think back now on all the good things we DID get to do together, and it surely outweighs what we missed doing...

    He will come to a time when he understands that too, for himself and for you...

    He is at an age where it looks to him that if he does NOT do everything everybody else does, he is an uncool failure...I remember that much about being a teenager.

    I remember when I was about his age, a neighbor up the road was going to a
    "battle of the bands"...and I desperately wanted to go with her, and she had invited me. I was about 2 years younger than her, so I must have been about 14 or 15 at the time...thank goodness I was NOT allowed to go, because she came back with horror stories of a flat tire, and a touchy feely kinda guy...and my parents had truly protected me from something I could not see...

    Sometimes YOU come first, Bette...and that IS OK...

    {{{Bette}}}

    He's still way better off than the guy who's parents would not even think of going with him to the Saturday night event...he's way better off than the guy who's parents would have set him out on the street to fend for himself...he's way better off than the person who's parents never gave a hoot for him to start with and sent him off to school after school, never giving him love and support that he needed and deserved...

    It's NOT you, Bette...no guilt trip. The scenery is horrible and it gets you nowhere, FAST...

    So hold your head up high, and say to yourself, I AM a good MOM...I am a GOOD MOM...because you ARE the BEST!

    Love ya!

    Teena

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