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Thread: Official Poetry Thread

  1. #11
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Someplace between Nowhere and Goodbye
    Raven, that is very good poetry. You've come a long way with your writing. I like its authenticity and vivid imagery. And I think most here have a thorough understanding because of what your poem brings to each of our minds.
    Quote Originally Posted by Raven View Post
    Journey In Hell

    Traveling a tediously, long, lonely journey
    Amid mist, danger, pain and disharmony
    My body trembles and shakes in fear
    Unknowing what may lie near

    Thoroughly weak and weary I now thread
    Yet fighting for what seems an eternity ahead
    My body cries out and moans in hellish pain
    Longing for rest, reprieve to attain

    How did I enter this land of misery
    When did I stumble and fall into atrocity
    Questions plague me Which I attempt to dismiss
    As foggy mist strangles me in this abyss

    Blood curdling screams, and roars I hear
    Coming from within me as I behold a ludicrous jeer
    Feel the fire upon my flesh as it sizzles and sears
    As my entire being feels the end is near

    Nightmarish creatures I began to perceive
    Realizing my heart I can no longer deceive
    Monstrous and fire spewing monsters they be
    Appearing and disappearing all around me

    Devouring bits and pieces of me
    Exhausted I toil upon this long journey
    Their horrific red fiery eyes shine with glee
    While they tear my body and destroy me

    Strong, monstrous foes they've multiplied
    While inside of my being they did abide
    What can I ever do to get free from this misery
    Wiping tears on my eyes, I keep plodding on feebly

    The light I followed ahead I can no longer see
    All around is the fire that consumes me
    Finally I attempt from this hell to flee
    The creature's face now appears in front of me

    I shiver and tremble as I face my reality
    Wipe my tears as I realize its' brutality
    I can not ever win the physical battle I fight
    The Dragon has now made my soul take flight

    © 2008 Raven Lenore

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  2. #12
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Someplace between Nowhere and Goodbye
    babygirl, great short story. I love your use of detail to make it so real and tangible to the reader. Good stuff, good story.
    Quote Originally Posted by babygirl79 View Post
    The Unusual Tree

    It was hard for me to contain myself, being so excited to be spending the whole summer with grandma and grandpa. The bell finally rang, school is out for the summer I run out the door like a bullet shot through the barrel of a gun that had just been fired. Finally, I arrive at grandma and grandpas; it only took a few hours, although the time seemed to drag on. Perhaps it was the anticipation of actually being there that made it seem so long. Soon after we got there I head up stairs to sleep. When I wake the next morning, I feel the energy of the cool, invigorating summer morning air. I leap out of bed and as I charge down the stairs I see both grandma and grandpa sitting at the kitchen table lost in conversation, coffee in hand. I look at them and in an animated way, using extensive hand gestures say, “Good morning, the sun is shinning and I’m off for my morning walk!”
    I decided to walk down to the overflow section of the campgrounds; this was the section of campsites used on big holidays when all the regular camp sites were all taken up. As I walk down the old broken up, abandoned, closed road I could hear the crickets serenading me and the chattering of the chipmunks.
    I look down and notice the dew drops on the blades of grass that were in the areas where at one time was asphalt. However, through the years of abandonment and lack of upkeep, the road had begun to deteriorate. I felt a slight breeze in the air that was fresh and clean as it lightly flowed over my face and tickled my nose with the fragrance of honeysuckle as I inhale.
    Everything is so peaceful and serene; I can hear the red breasted robins chirping in the trees, almost like having conversations with one another. I see out of the corner of my eye a couple chipmunks playing tag chasing one another up and down a tree. There is also a rabbit with her bunnies hopping along like an army marching in cadence. I walk further down the road, where there are two deer, a momma and her yearling, cocking their heads to the side begging me to follow them. Slowly, as calm and quiet as I can be, careful not to spook the duo, I follow.
    Finally, I’m here, I’m at my destination, the unusual tree. The unusual tree is named that because, a long time ago as a sapling this tree was in a horrific, unforgiving storm. This magnificent tree is actually two trees that have grown to be one. One of the saplings was hit by lightning which created a hole, large enough for the branch of the other sapling to fit through. Almost, as if the saplings were siblings trying to help one another stay standing during the storm. As the trees matured, they grew and became one tree.
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  3. #13
    Babygirl, I liked your short story. Liked the way you described the things you see and in a way felt as if you were taking me there. Very good story.

    Thanks Bob. I have been trying to express myself better too. I don't know what happened with my writings from when I was in school. Used to love to write then and get good grades but have somehow lost it in between then and now. Too many times I think that the ammonia levels make my mind blur and as hard as I try, can't seem to find the words I want to say. I will keep trying though.


  4. #14
    my broken neck has left me numb
    life has emptied all its fun
    pain and sorrow fill my day
    alone i suffer, the price I pay

    they say be strong you'll see the light
    each day a struggle, an endless fight
    my soul grows dark with passing time
    my rage toward god has made me blind

    can't touch my kids or love my wife
    without a cure please take my life
    with my last breath I pray for peace
    so all my hurt and pain will cease

  5. #15
    Raven - your "Journey in Hell" piece was really moving. I could feel the pain and the anguish. Your fight and strength really shine through, whether that was your intention or not. I can see that the Dragon metaphor is very meaningful to you because it makes an appearance in many poems. I can see college English classes dissecting your imagery and writing papers drawing their own conclusions from your words - it's timeless and well-written and layered in meaning. *applause*

    "ιn ѕoмe wayѕ ι love everyтнιng. ιт’ѕ leѕѕ oғ a тнιng тнan 'lιĸe'…leѕѕ dιѕтιncт. leѕѕ…parтιcυlar. ι lιĸe тнιngѕ тнaт ι lιĸe вυт ι love everyтнιng. тнere’ѕ мore cнoιce ιn ‘lιĸe’. вecaυѕe even тнe worѕт тнιngѕ нave тнιngѕ тo love ιn тнeм. ι love тнιngѕ ѕo мυcн ι ғeel lιĸe ι coυld ғloaт away."

  6. #16
    So, my confession is that poetry is very difficult for me to write. My poems always have complicated rhyme schemes, because it's the only way I feel like I can put together anything of true poetic quality. Also, I'm long-winded. I love complex sentences and multi-adjective descriptions. Poems don't exactly work like that. Or at least not good ones when I try it.

    I'm a writer through and through. A verbose writer. And so I bring you an excerpt from a novella I've been working on. It is a piece I'm proud of, simply because I like the potency of emotion. [Warning: this is from the end of the story. It's sad, but I do sad better than anything else. Also - it has not yet been edited by my grammar fiend and I'm horrible at comma placement.]

    Thank you for letting me share this with you.


    Ethan appeared in the doorway looking impossibly paler than normal. His prominent cheekbones were particularly ashen, though his entire face was tinged with an unhealthy shade of grey. His lips pressed into a thin, weak smile and his eyelids drooped, heavy with fatigue. I could tell by the way his body slouched ungracefully and his knuckles blanched that he was gripping the doorframe to support his weight.

    I knew what was about to happen only a split second before it did, though that infinitesimal segment of time felt stretched out like the body of an accordion. Ethan's knees buckled, but I was already lunging towards him with my feeble arms extended out. Even when my limbs found their way around his torso, there was nothing for me to do but sink down to the floor with him.

    His eyes were apologetic as he clung to me, both of us sitting on the cool kitchen linoleum, his upper body resting across my lap. I pulled him closer, crushing him into my chest. I could feel my lungs constricting as panic threatened to overtake me and I forced myself to gulp in air while I gently rocked Ethan forwards and backwards.

    I was only able to overcome my own sense of impending grief when I felt my thin tee-shirt press against my skin, cool and wet. I leaned back to get a better view of the man in my arms and was horror-stricken to see him staring back up at me through moist lashes, his bottom lip quivering ever so slightly.

    “No,” I hissed, shaking my head vehemently from side to side. “Don’t you do this. Don’t do this to me.”

    I wished I could stop the selfish pleas from springing free, but my mouth was moving on its own accord. I knew I wasn’t making things any easier for either of us and I hated myself for it.

    Everything he had ever done from the very moment I’d met him had been for me. Every word and every action had been for my benefit and well-being. He had made the ultimate sacrifice, and, guilty as it made me feel, I couldn’t stop begging him for more.

    His body shuddered against mine and as I studied his pained face, two tiny water droplets dripped down onto his forehead. I brought a hand absently to my cheek and brushed away tears I didn’t realize I was crying.

    “It’s okay,” I whispered, leaning my head down against his. “It’s okay.”

    It wasn’t. The entire situation epitomized the very farthest thing from ‘okay’. This was unfair and cruel and heartbreaking and I was pretty damn sure if Ethan left me, here and now like this, I would never be ‘okay’ again; not even close.

    Life, however, was fickle and it sought to test this theory, yet again.

    The last words he spoke were not profound or particularly poetic. The simple three parting words he chose were not the traditional ones that spring to mind. There were no promises or declarations of love. There didn’t need to be. Our love and our promises and the poetry of our circumstance were palpable without words. Syllables could do nothing but cheapen the things we felt and the things we’d done.

    Adrenaline coursed through my veins, heightening my senses in such a profound way that I could physically feel the weakening of his heart with each labored beat. His breathing was getting shallow and his chest was rising and falling less frequently. He swallowed slowly and closed his eyes, forever hiding those striking moss-green irises I’d lost myself in so many times before. I felt my fingers instinctively fist his soft bronze hair, praying that the tighter I held on, the tighter he could.

    His lips parted:

    “You’re My Girl.”

    And as my body and my life split wide open the single thin string of consolation keeping me tied to consciousness was the fact that I was his girl. And he had always known it.


    Heartfail. Sorry. Perhaps I'll post a fun happy excerpt if I find one I'm confident in. (:

    "ιn ѕoмe wayѕ ι love everyтнιng. ιт’ѕ leѕѕ oғ a тнιng тнan 'lιĸe'…leѕѕ dιѕтιncт. leѕѕ…parтιcυlar. ι lιĸe тнιngѕ тнaт ι lιĸe вυт ι love everyтнιng. тнere’ѕ мore cнoιce ιn ‘lιĸe’. вecaυѕe even тнe worѕт тнιngѕ нave тнιngѕ тo love ιn тнeм. ι love тнιngѕ ѕo мυcн ι ғeel lιĸe ι coυld ғloaт away."

  7. #17
    Infinity, you're right. I use the dragon as a symbol of the Hep C virus which entered into my life some time back which we believe was through a transfusion. I think it can also be used as a symbol for SCI, Cancer, or other illnesses which change so much in our lives. Thank you for your words in reference to it. It does say what is felt from deep inside of me.

    Also, I want to thank you for sharing your sadly poignant story. Too bad it was too short. Would love to read more of it. You have stirred my curiosity as to what more is in it. Beautiful and romanticaly sad. I loved it. Hope one day it gets published so I can get to read it in its entirety.

    While again going through my past writings, found this poem and wanted to share.

    Renewing Life

    Silence lay in front of me
    As life only appeared to flee
    Youth and passion had ceased to be
    Until a vision I beheld before me

    Love and passion once more revived
    The wonder of finding of being alive
    Erasing all the darkness deep inside
    Savoring the beauty of love and life

    With each touch felt alight
    Ecstatic light again so bright
    Touching the stars of the night
    The spirit once more takes flight

    Hope of life again reaffirmed
    Agony past no longer of concern
    Sorrow vanished never to return
    Your ardent presence is all now yearned

    Fervid fruit tasted and shared secretly
    Heartfelt moments forever impressed in me
    Throes of forbidden passion so heavenly
    Forbidden, yes, but desired for eternity

    © 2008 - 2009 Raven Lenore


    Btw, do you cry or feel a lump in your throat whenever you watch sad movies/scenes/people? I do.

    Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. ~Victor Hugo~

    A warrior is not one who always wins,
    but one who keeps on fighting to the end ~ Unknown ~

  8. #18
    i got one......
    sniff my ass
    smoke some grass
    dill me hard
    play that card

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Raven View Post
    Btw, do you cry or feel a lump in your throat whenever you watch sad movies/scenes/people? I do.

    Yes. And often it's the smallest things that get me - a commercial, a morning news story.

    "ιn ѕoмe wayѕ ι love everyтнιng. ιт’ѕ leѕѕ oғ a тнιng тнan 'lιĸe'…leѕѕ dιѕтιncт. leѕѕ…parтιcυlar. ι lιĸe тнιngѕ тнaт ι lιĸe вυт ι love everyтнιng. тнere’ѕ мore cнoιce ιn ‘lιĸe’. вecaυѕe even тнe worѕт тнιngѕ нave тнιngѕ тo love ιn тнeм. ι love тнιngѕ ѕo мυcн ι ғeel lιĸe ι coυld ғloaт away."

  10. #20
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    So. California
    Very well written. I hope you have better luck with your poetry than my son had on this site. About 5 yrs ago I coaxed him to come on CC, he did and wrote a poem, a few on this site made jokes about the poem and my son has never been back. Sad because he is a great writer/poet. You just never know .....

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