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Thread: Official Poetry Thread

  1. #1

    Official Poetry Thread

    I noticed that there is no actual forum or thread where we can post either our own poetry and/or short story writings. Therefore I thought I would start with one of my poems. I have uploaded it to my website but still would like to get some feedback on it. Will also be posting some more and would like to have others to join me with their own too.

    Endless Battle

    Oh dark dragon, beast of pain in me
    Your blackness darkens my life
    In your enormous claws you hold
    Everything that is within me

    Your firey breath burns and destroys
    Every fiber and piece of my life
    My dreams and hopes you claw tight onto
    You have snuffed out the light in my life

    Darkened and beset me with so much sadness
    Your presence in my life brings agony
    Turning all my days into black night
    Where there are no stars to light

    You gaze and roar as you behold
    The obscure sphere where I exist
    What future does my life hold
    Tell me, will I lose my battle to thee?

    © 2008 - 2009 Raven Lenore

    If you would like to read or view the poem with graphics, you can go to the following link.

    http://www.ravensdreams.org/pp/EndlessBattle.htm

    I would like to hear what others think of this poem.

    Thank you.

    Raven

  2. #2
    I like it Raven.

  3. #3

    Memorial?

    I have found a website where you can have or make a memorial for a late loved one. In this website I found my late niece's memorial which an unknown and kind stranger started for her. When I found it, I put a note and one of my flower pictures for her. Also sent a message to the person who started it and thanked her for thoughtfulness. She replied to me and has offered to turn it over to me. I have taken a few days to make a decision and was thinking that if I decide to accept that I would like to have something on it written by me.

    While dealing with her loss, I have found that writing down some of my thoughts and feelings have helped for me to sort of accept it to a certain degree. Today, I was going through my files and found the following words I wrote there. Was thinking of possibly using it there. Would appreciate any input from others here in re to the poem I wrote for her. It is as follows:


    A Dark Night

    On that dark night we lost her forever
    When upon a dark highway she lost her life
    She lost her way so many years ago
    No matter how much she tried
    It always ended on the same road
    She was a beautiful sight as I recall
    I held her in my arms when she was small
    I rocked her to sleep so many times
    Loved her as my own precious child
    She stole my heart with her sweet smile
    I can't understand why it all changed
    All I know is somehow she lost her way
    Now she has gone and taken her light
    Leaving us in so much sorrow and pain
    Now we only have emptiness in our arms
    And the memories she left behind
    No longer can we hear her dear voice
    Nor see or feel her sweet smiles and hugs
    No more greeting cards from wherever she went
    Telling us how much she missed us
    We didn't get to say our last goodbyes
    When she left us to never return
    We can't even go to her grave far away
    So many years we searched and searched
    Never could we imagine how it would end
    Nor how much pain she might have suffered
    We couldn't be there to protect her
    When we were robbed of our precious child
    Someone took her life that fateful night
    And left her lying so alone on that road
    May God forgive this person for all this pain
    They have brought into her and our lives
    Ada Elena, May God hold you in His hands
    Bringing you the peace you couldn't find
    While you were here in this world of pain
    We will love you always and forever

    © 2008 Raven Lenore

    Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

    Raven
    Last edited by Raven; 05-03-2009 at 05:31 PM.

  4. #4
    Raven - I really like the imagery of your first poem. The second one is very moving. The words are all simple, but altogether very powerful. Thank you for sharing something so personal.

    "ιn ѕoмe wayѕ ι love everyтнιng. ιт’ѕ leѕѕ oғ a тнιng тнan 'lιĸe'…leѕѕ dιѕтιncт. leѕѕ…parтιcυlar. ι lιĸe тнιngѕ тнaт ι lιĸe вυт ι love everyтнιng. тнere’ѕ мore cнoιce ιn ‘lιĸe’. вecaυѕe even тнe worѕт тнιngѕ нave тнιngѕ тo love ιn тнeм. ι love тнιngѕ ѕo мυcн ι ғeel lιĸe ι coυld ғloaт away."

  5. #5
    I went back and forth about whether or not to post. I just write for fun, although I've taken a few (and hope to take more) creative writing courses. My favorite kind of poetry is 'slam poetry' (which is a recited emotional performance type of a piece), introduced to me by my amazing high school creative writing teacher and a lot of my own stuff retains that feel. Well, here goes nothing.

    Young and Undone

    Oh, Love.

    Your reaction to the fashion of my tragedy,
    Just teared the life and sucked the air right out of me.
    Ripped apart, ‘a broken heart’ revealed the autopsy,
    Once stitched together sloppily,
    But never fixed it properly.

    Scream out at a starless night sky,
    As dreams and cars and eerie beams of light fly by.
    Forbidden reminders of our midnight sins -
    Of ‘hush, Love, these walls are paper thin’,
    Wrists pinned, lips grinned.
    We were one and it was wonderful.

    Now epithets and effigies,
    And regrets you got the best of me
    Replace embraces and your guarantee
    With fear of fading traces,
    That you were ever really here.

    This wondering is meaningless,
    Self-preserved by thoughts thundering “you are dreaming this”.
    Energy reserved just to exist
    And hoping that it’s me you miss.

    And the stinging won’t stop stinging,
    Bemoan a phone that won’t be ringing.
    Bringing knees to carpet in pleas,
    Unbecoming, freeze.
    I know I’m clinging.

    Choked out ‘Did I ever matter?’
    My heart shatters, a kaleidoscope as bits and pieces scatter.
    Catching light, a worthless plight,
    Cease beating with a bloody splatter.

    Oh, the dramatics of this teenage angst,
    Symptomatic of a love that tanked.
    Last edited by infinity; 05-03-2009 at 11:14 PM.

    "ιn ѕoмe wayѕ ι love everyтнιng. ιт’ѕ leѕѕ oғ a тнιng тнan 'lιĸe'…leѕѕ dιѕтιncт. leѕѕ…parтιcυlar. ι lιĸe тнιngѕ тнaт ι lιĸe вυт ι love everyтнιng. тнere’ѕ мore cнoιce ιn ‘lιĸe’. вecaυѕe even тнe worѕт тнιngѕ нave тнιngѕ тo love ιn тнeм. ι love тнιngѕ ѕo мυcн ι ғeel lιĸe ι coυld ғloaт away."

  6. #6
    Thank you both for your input. Really appreciate it.

    Not feeling so great right now, but will come back when my meds start working. Just wanted to acknowledge your comments briefly for now.

    Raven

  7. #7
    Infinity, I loved it. Am glad that you decided to go ahead and post your poem. Hope you continue to write more and post them here too.

    I have never taken any classes for writing any kind of poetry. I just write what my heart tells me to. I guess you could say that many times I also write to vent. Have found that it helps me a lot. There are times when I create images and situations and write down what I saw in my mind.

    I hope many more post their work here. Would love to read more. I'm sure there are other who write great works also.

    The following is another one I wrote last year.


    Darkness Of Night

    In the darkness of the night
    I awake in the midst of so much pain
    The stench of smoke and fire
    Overwhelms my ability to breathe

    A sound so familiar to my heart
    Wakes me and fills me with such dread
    The feelings of agony again come over me
    My body and my spirit cry out again

    The battle once more will begin
    The ache that weakens my entire being
    The feeling of no more strength
    Drowning and overpowering me

    How many more times will it come back
    How much more can this body bear
    The dragon has returned to attack
    To slowly destroy, tear my body and laugh

    It laughs as it multiplies inside of me
    I can feel it growing again and again
    It seems I can even see it facing me
    Bearing it's fangs in a cavernous hole

    Weakly I raise my hands to heaven
    I raise my eyes to the Lord above again
    Clasp them together as best as I can
    Closing my eyes again I began to pray

    Quietly begging for more strength
    Silent tears began to flow again
    I can feel the pain gradually subside
    Warm hands touch and soothe my body

    The answer to my prayer comes down
    Filling me with strength and peace
    Refreshing my soul and spirit again
    As His loving hands wipe tears from my eyes

    © 2008 -2009 Raven Lenore

    Raven

  8. #8
    Senior Member Mona~on~wheels's Avatar
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    Great poems! I wish I could write. Very talented ladies.

  9. #9
    I loved your last poem. The imagry was great, and it seemed to evoke the feelings of dispair which ended in a feeling of relief and comfort. The reader actually felt the feelings the composer was experiencing in the poem. I wish I could write poems, to find the right words and the rhyming verses. I am however, in a writing course for writing childrens literature, and I love it my mind just goes wild with adventures. Here was one of my assignment I wrote about a childhood place that was very dear to me and has held a lot of memories.



    The Unusual Tree


    It was hard for me to contain myself, being so excited to be spending the whole summer with grandma and grandpa. The bell finally rang, school is out for the summer I run out the door like a bullet shot through the barrel of a gun that had just been fired. Finally, I arrive at grandma and grandpas; it only took a few hours, although the time seemed to drag on. Perhaps it was the anticipation of actually being there that made it seem so long. Soon after we got there I head up stairs to sleep. When I wake the next morning, I feel the energy of the cool, invigorating summer morning air. I leap out of bed and as I charge down the stairs I see both grandma and grandpa sitting at the kitchen table lost in conversation, coffee in hand. I look at them and in an animated way, using extensive hand gestures say, “Good morning, the sun is shinning and I’m off for my morning walk!”
    I decided to walk down to the overflow section of the campgrounds; this was the section of campsites used on big holidays when all the regular camp sites were all taken up. As I walk down the old broken up, abandoned, closed road I could hear the crickets serenading me and the chattering of the chipmunks.
    I look down and notice the dew drops on the blades of grass that were in the areas where at one time was asphalt. However, through the years of abandonment and lack of upkeep, the road had begun to deteriorate. I felt a slight breeze in the air that was fresh and clean as it lightly flowed over my face and tickled my nose with the fragrance of honeysuckle as I inhale.
    Everything is so peaceful and serene; I can hear the red breasted robins chirping in the trees, almost like having conversations with one another. I see out of the corner of my eye a couple chipmunks playing tag chasing one another up and down a tree. There is also a rabbit with her bunnies hopping along like an army marching in cadence. I walk further down the road, where there are two deer, a momma and her yearling, cocking their heads to the side begging me to follow them. Slowly, as calm and quiet as I can be, careful not to spook the duo, I follow.
    Finally, I’m here, I’m at my destination, the unusual tree. The unusual tree is named that because, a long time ago as a sapling this tree was in a horrific, unforgiving storm. This magnificent tree is actually two trees that have grown to be one. One of the saplings was hit by lightning which created a hole, large enough for the branch of the other sapling to fit through. Almost, as if the saplings were siblings trying to help one another stay standing during the storm. As the trees matured, they grew and became one tree.
    Last edited by babygirl79; 05-08-2009 at 10:38 AM.

  10. #10
    Thank you Mona and babygirl. I'm glad that you enjoyed the works written here. Also want to thank you babygirl for posting your writing. Will comment more on it later.

    Wanted to share what I find now expresses more how at times I feel. Particularly now.


    Journey In Hell

    Traveling a tediously, long, lonely journey
    Amid mist, danger, pain and disharmony
    My body trembles and shakes in fear
    Unknowing what may lie near

    Thoroughly weak and weary I now thread
    Yet fighting for what seems an eternity ahead
    My body cries out and moans in hellish pain
    Longing for rest, reprieve to attain

    How did I enter this land of misery
    When did I stumble and fall into atrocity
    Questions plague me Which I attempt to dismiss
    As foggy mist strangles me in this abyss

    Blood curdling screams, and roars I hear
    Coming from within me as I behold a ludicrous jeer
    Feel the fire upon my flesh as it sizzles and sears
    As my entire being feels the end is near


    Nightmarish creatures I began to perceive
    Realizing my heart I can no longer deceive
    Monstrous and fire spewing monsters they be
    Appearing and disappearing all around me


    Devouring bits and pieces of me
    Exhausted I toil upon this long journey
    Their horrific red fiery eyes shine with glee
    While they tear my body and destroy me

    Strong, monstrous foes they've multiplied
    While inside of my being they did abide
    What can I ever do to get free from this misery
    Wiping tears on my eyes, I keep plodding on feebly

    The light I followed ahead I can no longer see
    All around is the fire that consumes me
    Finally I attempt from this hell to flee
    The creature's face now appears in front of me

    I shiver and tremble as I face my reality
    Wipe my tears as I realize its' brutality
    I can not ever win the physical battle I fight
    The Dragon has now made my soul take flight

    © 2008 Raven Lenore

    Raven

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