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Thread: Problem with Boundaries

  1. #21
    Senior Member taj2002's Avatar
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    We had a similar thing happen with a night nurse. He became way too friendly and had some problems you couldn’t believe. This built up and went on for a few years until everything just blew up. Ultimately the director of nursing at the agency was very supportive and worked with this individual. He was ordered to go to counseling. He actually ended up taking several weeks off and checking into a stress center. He then did a several week out patient program too.

    After about a month, he came back to our house on a limited basis. He was a totally changed person. Just like in your case, the agency couldn’t find a replacement, so I let him come back. After a few times back at our house, he thanked me for intervening through the agency. He said the treatment he undertook was the best thing he had ever done for himself. I just don’t think he realized how he was acting. His problem was a combination of homelife stress, nursing burn-out, and childhood issues. All things I had heard about from him over the years. Now he keeps this to himself. We are not unfriendly; just no longer discuss his personal issues.

    Ultimately we can’t be their counselors. I think the best thing would be if your agency could work through the issues with this gal. I did speak to our nurse directly that night everything erupted which put a buffer between him and my husband. I gues that might be an idea. Have someone stop over and start the initial conversation and let the agency follow up if they are willing. I think that is their job. She might be grateful and come back a changed nurse. In our case, I’m glad we gave him a second chance. Hoping for the best!

    Trish

  2. #22
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    I unfortunately never have had an agency professional enough to deal with this situation well. Agencies in my book are just a disgrace. And I totally can relate the fear of the struggle to find anybody at all. If she otherwise is reliable and meets your needs, I suspect you might succeed best speaking with her yourself. Framing it as just very stressful for you-- that you really do care and feel concern and that you're feeling it as more of a burden then feels healthy, that stress affects your disease -- might be something she would understand. Validating that she has serious stuff going on that really could use input more professional than you can offer might help. How about offering to help her explore options for counseling? Then work with her to check with her employer and perhaps public programs for counseling opportunities. I know its work, but it might ultimately prove less work than trying to hide from her and feeling the stress.

  3. #23
    Senior Member reedyd's Avatar
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    Problem with Boundaries

    In Texas, I am on a program where we are allowed to manage our own caregivers. I am no expert but do know how to handle my caregivers.
    You need to make your rules or policies clear from the start and when talking about personal issues let them know that it is a daily struggle to stay positive.
    Be honest tell her that you appreciate her problems but that they are more than you can deal with. If she can not appreciate that then she is in the wrong line of work.

    Good Luck,

    David

  4. #24
    Well. Seeing as though you decided to not respond in keeping us updated with the outcome from your original post, I can only guess that you got things sorted out by now. Either that, or you're just dealing with it . . . . but I doubt that very much.

    I had a big galute of a carer come in every night for 4 hours to help w/ my bp and shower. He unloaded EVERYTHING on me, and I bought it hook, line, and sinker! I finally had enough and told him:

    "although I appriciate all you do for me, and I enjoy your company, I can't deal with both your problems ON TOP OF mine right now. So, if you could please refrain from telling me your problems. I have enough on my plate as it is."

    Say it nicely . . . . I'm sure she'll get the picture. If you haven't, in fact, already done so.

  5. #25
    Yea,how is that going these days girlie?

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by qbounce View Post
    Well. Seeing as though you decided to not respond in keeping us updated with the outcome from your original post, I can only guess that you got things sorted out by now. Either that, or you're just dealing with it . . . . but I doubt that very much.
    I didn't realize I was obligated to post an update.

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by orangejello View Post
    I didn't realize I was obligated to post an update.
    lol,I thought that statement came off a little rude too.

    Even if you don't post,you've gotta inform your homies.I've been thinking about this very issue,well all of them lately.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by quad79 View Post
    lol,I thought that statement came off a little rude too.

    Even if you don't post,you've gotta inform your homies.I've been thinking about this very issue,well all of them lately.
    Good to know I wasn't the only one who found it rude. Sorry I've been out of touch. I haven't been online much lately. I'll try and buzz you today. A big hug to you.

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