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Thread: what would you say

  1. #1

    what would you say

    So a thread on another board got me thinking....
    I want to come up with a really snide or thought provoking or something, not quite sure WHAT comment to say when people say STUPID things...

    particulary when they tell me it's so great or neat or nice that my DH still wanted date and/or marry me when he found out I was in a wheelchair or that he "takes care of me" (I am a stay at home mom...hell **I take care of him** (do his laundry, cook his meals, keep a presentable house and take care of the kids 100% on my own while he's at work ... yes he helps when he's home but even able bodied women get help from their spouse). . . ooh and that they can't BELIEVE I don't have someone help me during the day or that my van doesnt have a ramp/lift or that I can grocery shop WITH my kids or that I don't use a power chair, and why won't the doctors let you have one, woulndt that be sooooooooo much easier)

    anyways. .. .what are some of the things YOU say to stupid remarks? people may not mean it in an insulting way but it is ... I mean COME ON!!!
    L1,2 Para since 9-12-99
    ~*~*~Priscilla~*~*~
    Mommy to William (2004) Lucas (2008) Nathan (2011)
    The Wheelchair Mommy Blog


  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    I don’t encounter the stupidity much so I can’t offer anything tried and true. I might say (if I were lucky enough for it to be true): “We have a pretty equal partnership and we both feel lucky to have found the other.’

    “Yeah, that we parents manage what we do is pretty amazing. The chair doesn’t have much to do with it.”

  3. #3
    Senior Member RJP's Avatar
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    Tell him you can't believe he managed his whole life with an IQ of a 5 year old.
    What ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger

  4. #4
    People look at me and ask "why are you in that?" Not or this older man said to me as I was transferring out of the car "Oh, Sometimes when I feel bad about myself I feel better seeing someone like you" He was walking on a cane....
    T-7 Complete
    "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

  5. #5
    Oh here is another...I was getting my oil changed yesterday and I was talking to my dad and he said "Did you stay in the car??" really?
    T-7 Complete
    "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

  6. #6
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    I try not to be too mean with a response, at least they are talking to you. I think it is worse to have someone look away as you come near or yell at their child to leave you alone if they approach you to check out your chair or lift.
    "Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and other people may not be able to tell the difference."

  7. #7
    Senior Member Tara's Avatar
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    I find I come up with great comebacks after the fact. At the time, I am always taken aback and a little shocked and end up just being polite.
    But yesterday a guy came up to me while I was at work and said it's so nice they give people like you a job. I said "Well I work pretty hard. I think they're lucky to have me."
    And he kept going on about how more people should hire people in wheelchairs. WTF?
    And the other day while I was grocery shopping, an older woman came up to me and said "oh, you're too young to be in a wheelchair." I didn't really say anything to her...
    But should have said -- seriously, do you go up to people with scars on their face and tell them what a shame it is too!?!?
    Or I should have said - tell that to your god! I didn't make the decision.

    It's always afterward that you think of something. Arrrrghhh. I know they don't mean anything by it, but there's got to be something you can say to make them leave thinking a bit (preferably about what an ass they are). Instead, I am the one left stewing about it.

    Seniors are the worst. When they come up and demand - What happened to you?
    I feel like saying - "hey, why don't you tell me your life's most traumatic moment first? " ... but I have yet to do it.

    As for the initial post -- maybe a quick "do you SERIOUSLY think that way?" would work.
    or "Well, that was uncalled for. Maybe I could give you advice on your life too."

    But, I know, I know... we have to be so nice so they don't go home and say - "My good heavens! I met the most Bitter girl in a wheelchair today. I feel bad for her."

  8. #8
    its funny how they mean no harm most of the time but end up making you feel worse. Like oh sometimes when i feel good about myself i always feel worse after talking to someone like you.

  9. #9
    thanks for the comments so far.
    L1,2 Para since 9-12-99
    ~*~*~Priscilla~*~*~
    Mommy to William (2004) Lucas (2008) Nathan (2011)
    The Wheelchair Mommy Blog


  10. #10
    24/7 Quad

    I don't think is anyting more degrading then a mother or father pulling a child by their arm away from someone in a wheelchair. As for me I am gay and I think people get confused a bit. That is just their ignorance, but it feels like shit when a child is curious and a parent de-socializes them. Is that a word?
    T-7 Complete
    "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

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