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Thread: Recent Inury - Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

  1. #21
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    hi my name is natalie I am a quadraplegic and he has nothing to be depressed about, he will be independent so many neck injuries wishes they hadd hand moment...tell him to stop worrying about what he doesn't got and be happy with all he has got

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by natalieb View Post
    hi my name is natalie I am a quadraplegic and he has nothing to be depressed about, he will be independent so many neck injuries wishes they hadd hand moment...tell him to stop worrying about what he doesn't got and be happy with all he has got
    Regardless of the level of injury, feelings of depression and grief are normal and to be expected. Telling someone with a new injury, whatever the level, they have nothing to be depressed about is I think pretty insulting to the person. At least if the feelings are acknowledged the person can make a plan to deal with them and move forward. Denying feelings of depression does no good.

  3. #23
    hey all

    things are looking well here. depression is much much less of a problem and actually is probably affecting me more than him at the moment (though it isn't bad for either of us at the moment)...

    the BF has regained fairly significant movement in both legs, though one is much stronger than the other. when they do muscle charting he's a 2-3 in his left and a 1-2 in his right. last week he walked two laps in the hydrotherapy pool! amazing! he's got a long way to go and spasms/tone are really holding him back. right now he's on diazepam for that because they don't want to put him on baclofen due to the effects it has on mood. the physio unit here is getting fitted with a FES bike in the next few weeks which they're looking forward to getting him on. also, they've allowed him to take a standing frame from physio into his room so he can get an extra hour or two of standing every day.

    this new movement is also keeping him in rehab for an additional 2-3 months which is good and bad. initially i moved to a city that takes a bit less than 2 hours (via bus) to get to the rehab facility because we assumed that he'd be out by next month (the BF didn't want me stuck in the small town that his hospital is in). although i don't mind making the trip, doing it all the way through september is less than ideal. i'm looking into getting a car, but i'd prefer not to (i'm working only p/t right now in order to visit more often, having a car would preclude that). i think we'll be fine, but the extra time is grating (and great, i'm not complaining).

    also, he's been granted weekend leave which has been hugely good for his mood. getting to have couple time in complete privacy is WONDERFUL.

    now i'm starting to work on figuring out how we're going to get him to the states when all of this is over. i'm supposed to be starting medical school in september (which they've allowed me to defer until 2010), but since gay marriage or civil unions aren't allowed on the federal level we're kinda stuck. anyone have any suggestions?

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by caredboarder View Post
    now i'm starting to work on figuring out how we're going to get him to the states when all of this is over. i'm supposed to be starting medical school in september (which they've allowed me to defer until 2010), but since gay marriage or civil unions aren't allowed on the federal level we're kinda stuck. anyone have any suggestions?
    I am not clear on the issue. Will he be coming with you? Will he be trying to also get a work permit? What field is he in? I am assuming your concern is for health insurance for him???? Is there also an issue around getting him a visa?

    He would not be eligible for Medicare or Medicaid as a temporary resident, nor as a student (nor would you). I assume your medical school will have health insurance available for you to purchase under a student policy, but as you said, you would not be able to carry him on your policy unless you are formally married in most states. Some states do have legal domestic partner arrangements. You should check with the medical school about this. Where will you be? I am not sure how federal regulations would have any impact...it is state by state. He can certainly apply for school himself, and may be able to purchase student health insurance, or purchase (for a significant amount of money) a personal health insurance policy, but there is no equivilent of NHS here.

    It is unlikely he would be able to get any other type of visa other than a temporary or tourist visa (which is usually 3 months). Any chance he can go to school too and apply for a student visa? This is also temporary, and much harder to get now since 9/11, but would allow him to stay for the duration of his educational program. He is very unlikely to get a work permit type visa unless he already has skills in a job that is in demand with a shortage of USA workers (rarer than hen's teeth now days).

    (KLD)

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by SCI-Nurse View Post
    I am not clear on the issue. Will he be coming with you? Will he be trying to also get a work permit? What field is he in? I am assuming your concern is for health insurance for him???? Is there also an issue around getting him a visa?

    He would not be eligible for Medicare or Medicaid as a temporary resident, nor as a student (nor would you). I assume your medical school will have health insurance available for you to purchase under a student policy, but as you said, you would not be able to carry him on your policy unless you are formally married in most states. Some states do have legal domestic partner arrangements. You should check with the medical school about this. Where will you be? I am not sure how federal regulations would have any impact...it is state by state. He can certainly apply for school himself, and may be able to purchase student health insurance, or purchase (for a significant amount of money) a personal health insurance policy, but there is no equivilent of NHS here.

    It is unlikely he would be able to get any other type of visa other than a temporary or tourist visa (which is usually 3 months). Any chance he can go to school too and apply for a student visa? This is also temporary, and much harder to get now since 9/11, but would allow him to stay for the duration of his educational program. He is very unlikely to get a work permit type visa unless he already has skills in a job that is in demand with a shortage of USA workers (rarer than hen's teeth now days).

    (KLD)

    I'll explain the situation a bit more clearly:

    I have US citizenship and British citizenship. I met my boyfriend while living in Scotland a few years ago, he is British. We separated because I wanted to pursue medicine and had an opportunity to do so in the US (job in at a university in the US where I could take pre-med classes while working). Over the next few years we kept in touch though letters, email, packages and the like. All of these basically consisted of "I wish we could pursue what we both know is there"...

    Toward the end of last year he arranged to come over so we could see if there still was something there. There was (and still is). He had his accident about 5 months ago. We knew that if something did happen between us we'd still have to work out this visa stuff (because I'm supposed to be starting med school soon) and that was always a risk.

    About 2 weeks after his accident I was accepted to my top choice medical school. They've been super helpful and allowed me to defer while we get through rehab (i've returned to the UK). Further they have accessible housing available for us and the school, being in california, has health insurance coverage for domestic partners.

    I wouldn't mind coming to school here in the UK, but the school I've been accepted to is AMAZING and an opportunity I can't really turn down. Also, because the qualification system is different, it would take me an extra year or two just to start school and even though I am british, would be required to pay international fees (because i've been out of the country for a few years).

    So really the major issue is getting him a visa. He currently has a long term visa which is good through 2012, but he can't work on this visa. We're looking into PhD programs at the moment and doing the school route (he's got his master's degree already), but we can't really rely on that.

    It is super frustrating because as a straight couple we'd be able to not worry about this stuff and just work on rehab. Truly I have no idea what we're going to do. The only thing I know is that I'm in love and have never felt this way about another person before. It is scary/awful/awesome/exciting.

  6. #26
    Lots of good news! I found the best way to work those muscles as they came back was to concentrate in bed. But then, I was in rehab in America. We didn't have cool options like a standing frame in the room for a few hours extra work time. I got in trouble for going to the gym when I wasn't scheduled. My legs were firing when my 8 weeks was up...and I was dumped at home.

    In other words-Are you SURE you want to bring him here?

    And hey, Italian guy on his way to Switzerland, are you still there? Your letter was fine. Please post again.

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    Lots of good news! I found the best way to work those muscles as they came back was to concentrate in bed. But then, I was in rehab in America. We didn't have cool options like a standing frame in the room for a few hours extra work time. I got in trouble for going to the gym when I wasn't scheduled. My legs were firing when my 8 weeks was up...and I was dumped at home.

    In other words-Are you SURE you want to bring him here?

    And hey, Italian guy on his way to Switzerland, are you still there? Your letter was fine. Please post again.
    Well, here in the UK it isn't really a typical option, but because his spasms are so bad he's been allowed to use the standing frame for extra time because stretching seems to be the only thing that helps significantly (again b/c they don't want him on baclofen just yet).

    As for the move this is a two-way street. He is making this decision for himself just as much as I am making it for myself (and each other). I won't be leaving until July/August 2010, so we've got more than a year to work out all the kinks (rehab and otherwise). Really this is less of an SCI issue and more of a gay rights issue. Normally we'd be able to work on our relationship and if things work out then do the immigration stuff when that time comes, but because we are gay we need to start planning now to see what hurdles we face down the road (assuming *we* work out).

  8. #28
    Holy crap holy crap holy crap:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zww66Z7ZzIA

    We still have no idea on the immigration stuff, but this is a nice bright spot and our relationship is going great...

  9. #29
    Happy for you and good luck on the immigration stuffs.

  10. #30
    Hi everyone, im T8 incomplete I was not diagnosed for over 3 years several times I was ready to pull the trigger .I was not beleived that anything could stop a person like me. The main support needs to come from family,Even if you dont understand show support,Most times I feel very alone in my battle.I called the suicide hot line several times and they hooked me up with the right Therapist, Pain groups Pshyciatrists to help me sort things out, This saved my life, I still think about the silver bullet some times but I have learned to call someone when the physical and mental pain are to much ,and your so tired of being tired.It seems to get better the more you learn about accepting.Its been 4 years and each time I have to sell my backhoes or hot rods just so we can live its so hard because you are letting go of the old you alittle at a time . LOVE AND SUPPORT are the ticket to start, I wish you and your boyfreind well
    Last edited by lespaul; 10-01-2009 at 06:57 PM. Reason: spelling

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