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Thread: So I watched murderball before bed

  1. #1
    Senior Member Imight's Avatar
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    So I watched murderball before bed

    Wow. I went thru a rollercoaster of emotions watching this movie. still glad I did (didnt know if I wanted to watch it or not)

    you know, I think I may be in denial that I am a gimp right now and all tho I wheel or 'walk' - mentally, when Im outside and running errands, still picture my body as perfectly fine but just temporarily injured. like an athlete, that got banged up and had some surgery. in fact, a lot of times that seems to be my attitude, and I don't know if it's because I've gained so much, or wtf. but seriously.....

    I hope I don't have mental issues.
    Last edited by Imight; 03-10-2009 at 06:24 PM.

  2. #2
    well first of all i've watched that movie as well and i agree with you about the rollercoaster of emotions. i was told by a friend to watch it.

    as far as the denial goes. i think we all go through that. i'm 8 months post op and i still think back of all the things i used to do and i get soo mad sometimes. some people need medication for depression or whatever and that's fine.

  3. #3
    21 yrs post, im in denial and always will be. to me acceptance =failure, sci wins. that will never happen
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  4. #4
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Imight View Post
    I think I may be in denial that I am a gimp right now
    Sometimes this can work to your advantage. My sister describes me as someone who lived their life and didn't realize I was disabled.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  5. #5
    all this focus on "acceptance" or "denial" or whatever, doesn't matter. That's just psychological bs that some may need, and that's fine, while others could give a shit about. SCI, just IS. Bottom line, the fact is, you, me, we all here have sci (for the most part). That's a physical FACT. How people deal with it may be different, but being paralyzed, to whatever degree, is undeniably a fact.

    Now, given that FACT, you just gotta deal. You can choose to dwell on what you lost and what you can't do, and what you once were, or you can deal with the condition you are in now, which doesn't mean ignore or forget about the loss, and move forward. What does that mean? I don't know what that means for you, but whatever it is, it's not being completely stuck in the past and what was or could have been.

    What do you want?
    Where do you want to go from here?
    What do you want to be...??

    If any of that includes getting back function and walking again, then work towards getting as strong as you can and getting back as much function as you can. This doesn't mean you haven't "accepted" (whatever that is), nor does it mean you're in denial about anything (unless I guess you are denying the fact you have become paralyzed and have sci??). SCI isn't competing with you nor does it really give a shit about winning or losing. It's about YOU, and what you want and how you want to live your life. If you want to dwell and be unhappy, then so be it. But if you aren't satisfied with being unhappy, then do what you can to change that. And you know what? This sure as hell doesn't mean you will suddenly be happy, and miraculously be content with yourself. Now THAT would be delusional .
    We all have bad days. We all feel tremendous sadness from time to time, and may even feel that 'loss' of self, and long for what was or could have been, but that doesn't mean you've "given-up" or "given in" to anything. It just simply means you are sad.

    I think people can sometimes get stuck on that "disabled" label, especially if it was acquired. Some don't want to be associated with and categorized as disabled or handicapped...cuz, "I'm not like THEM". I've often sensed people making a distinction here, when talking about sci and others w/disabilities... like an us and them. Whether one is born with a disability or acquires on through an injury, it exists, and it doesn't matter if one was once an AB, or never was fully one, the sense of loss, regret, hope, longing, desire, and painful awareness of what could be but isn't, can be actutely felt and experienced. One doesn't have to lose something to be conscious of and experience that loss. At the very least, it's about being human and longing to feel and experience all that means to be human.

    Anything less than, can suck like a muthafuker . That's a given. What you can do, is just try not to get stuck in that the rest of your life. Anyone who says there's no difference and everything is the same, or better, after or because of sci, now that I'll call delusional on (but if that how they deal, so be it, all the power to em!).

    FYI. there was a LOT of discussion related to Murderball in the past, some very heated and passionate ... do a search i you're interested.
    Last edited by chick; 03-10-2009 at 08:31 PM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Imight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chick View Post
    all this focus on "acceptance" or "denial" or whatever, doesn't matter. That's just psychological bs that some may need, and that's fine, while others could give a shit about. SCI, just IS. Bottom line, the fact is, you, me, we all here have sci (for the most part). That's a physical FACT. How people deal with it may be different, but being paralyzed, to whatever degree, is undeniably a fact.

    if you aren't satisfied with being unhappy, then do what you can to change that. And you know what? This sure as hell doesn't mean you will suddenly be happy, and miraculously be content with yourself. Now THAT would be delusional .



    I think people can sometimes get stuck on that "disabled" label, especially if it was acquired. Some don't want to be associated with and categorized as disabled or handicapped...
    some very key points.

    well said.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Imight's Avatar
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    and I should also add that, THE FACT, altho is, can be viewed psychologically to some as nothing more than a temporariy mirage of future improvement. much like a person that has broken an arm. sure THE FACT is your arm is broken, in a cast, and you cant move it, but in 4-8 weeks and 1 week of therapy, you will be out of the cast and moving it around again.

    this could be said on many levels, from day 1 of recovery to 10+ years of experience. everyone deals with it differently as you said. however a broken arm is different than sci. and thats where Im thinking denial (assuming this is a temporary injury) is worrying.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by fuentejps View Post
    21 yrs post, im in denial and always will be. to me acceptance =failure, sci wins. that will never happen
    I share the same opinion, well put fuentejps..... 8 months post and ill never wake up and accept the new me, I'll go through the motions like i always do, but ill never stop thinking I'm gonna walk again and I'll never accept the new me
    T6/T7 Incomplete Since June 7th 2008
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