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Thread: Self Pity: Better Out Than In

  1. #21
    Oh hush. I wish I had 1/4 of you chutzpah. Anyone in a chair that can endure India deserves to be heard. Your insight and experience are valued here. And Bethany, you are quite hot enough to bat your lashes and have em come a running.


    Quote Originally Posted by KiranA View Post
    I need to apologize. I think I should make it a rule not to come to CC when I'm trying to take a break from an intimidating law paper. Definetly not an excuse, but possibly an explanation as to why I may have come across harshly.

    The one good thing about living on the westcoast is that winters don't force you to stay indoors as the weather's quite mild. I can see how that would be frustrating.

    In terms of my ability to travel, I'd say it had more to with my overwhelming desire to see all these places I had heard about moreso than knowing that because I was young and attractive, I would get the help I needed. That being said, maybe that part of your response was not an implication towards me and simply a comment in general.

    I have reread this post in the light of someone who misses a dear friend's companionship instead of someone who thinks she is missing out because she's disabled. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Maybe a little sleep and time away from the books and my computer would serve me well.

    Have a good night all.
    And the truth shall set you free.

  2. #22
    I'll be in Dublin late April - if any of your wishes come true and you end up being there at the same time, let me know! It still isn't all that accessible but most people are willing to help find a way around things, and the conversation usually makes up for any hassles.

    It's a really hard thing to deal with all the different kinds of loss and the enormous longing that lurks beneath the surface all, all the time. I don't think it ever goes away. The tiniest of things that can never be become so gut-wrenching sad, tragic - my fixation at the moment are my feet - I could cry when I look at the gnarled puffy flaky pair that used to walk miles in all kinds of different shoes, around different cities and countrysides taking me places that I'd never been - now they sit every day in the same pair of trainers strapped to the footplate of my chair. I would cry but as with everything else I have to check myself and hold it in - I really am scared that if I open up that Pandora's box I will never be able to shut it again.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Buffie's Avatar
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    Bethany, have you ever considered just asking your friend why she never asks you to go on any of these trips? What if she is thinking that somehow you may not be interested. Not saying that's the case, but you never know.
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  4. #24
    Senior Member Ashley's Avatar
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    I'm really glad I saw this here today...Ive been in a self-pity mood, well for a little while now. It culminated today with the bad weather and some badish news. I get to school and the lot I park in is 1/2 ass plowed (bad snow the past 2 days) and not salted, so is the sidewalk. I wait 10 min till i see someone to ask them to help me down to the building because the sidewalk is impassable. Then i go to class soaking wet thighs from the buildup of snow i trekked through. It's not just society that discriminates against the disabled, it's mother nature too.
    Last edited by Ashley; 01-30-2009 at 04:47 PM. Reason: doesnt matter
    Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.
    -Dorothy Thompson

  5. #25
    Senior Member Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buffie View Post
    Bethany, have you ever considered just asking your friend why she never asks you to go on any of these trips? What if she is thinking that somehow you may not be interested. Not saying that's the case, but you never know.
    i agree...you seem to be a straight up kinda gal Beth, ask her what the deal is.
    Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.
    -Dorothy Thompson

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by KiranA View Post
    I need to apologize. I think I should make it a rule not to come to CC when I'm trying to take a break from an intimidating law paper. Definetly not an excuse, but possibly an explanation as to why I may have come across harshly.

    The one good thing about living on the westcoast is that winters don't force you to stay indoors as the weather's quite mild. I can see how that would be frustrating.

    In terms of my ability to travel, I'd say it had more to with my overwhelming desire to see all these places I had heard about moreso than knowing that because I was young and attractive, I would get the help I needed. That being said, maybe that part of your response was not an implication towards me and simply a comment in general.

    I have reread this post in the light of someone who misses a dear friend's companionship instead of someone who thinks she is missing out because she's disabled. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Maybe a little sleep and time away from the books and my computer would serve me well.

    Have a good night all.
    I thought of a comparison. I know you have sisters you love dearly. What if they were going somewhere you love, that they know you love, and just inexplicably didn't invite you? They've gone to a few places you liked without you, but now they're going to a place you LOVE.

    I've had this friend longer than you've had your sisters. I was cursed with a lack of sisters; she had one but lost her 15 years ago to breast cancer. Since then, more than ever, we've been sisters.

    It's kind of comparable. Not quite, because your sisters are your blood relatives. Also you're so much stronger than me physically that I doubt you'd have that niggling suspicion that it is because you'd be a burden, like I do.

    I didn't mean to insinuate that everything is easy for you b/c you're young and beautiful. But you ARE. That is hopefully a source of self-confidence for you. It is fact that I got less tickets, changed less flat tires, carried my bags less in my twenties than I do approaching 50. Youth has advantages and drawbacks both. It's a double-edged sword, and foolish is the woman that relies on looks and youth. I've known a lot that did, and Kiran, I know you aren't one of them.

    I traveled like a crazy person in my youth, thank God. I'll never die wishing I'd gone somewhere. Finances, responsibilities, health etc. has slowed me down. May sound like excuses but they are facts.

    I think I can't ask her because I'm afraid of the answer. Also, it would be awful if it made her feel obliged to invite me and she resented me for making her bring me.

    Post-sci, my stepmom used to hide the guidebooks. I'd find a book under a cushion on the couch: Frommer's Spain or whatever. For a long time I was excited for her. I love all the little details of planning a trip, and I'd want to hear what she and my stepbrother were going to do. We used to all go together, which is no doubt why she hid the books. She was afraid I'd ask if I could go. They've been to Europe every summer since I got hurt. Last year they took stepbro's 1 year old baby. Now I KNOW that kid is more of a burden than me! So maybe that wasn't why I'm no longer invited. Maybe they don't like me much. I adored my stepbro when we were younger but he grew up to be a smug, self-satisfied douche that gets his panties in a wad when he gets beat at rummikub. Maybe THAT is why they don't ask me!

    But trust-Having people HIDE the guidebooks does not exactly bolster the ol' self-confidence. Finding Frommer's guides every damn Christmas makes you reluctant to ask why you are never included. Whatever the reason, people feel strongly about it.

    Mainly, I just wish I could sing ABBA songs with Meryl Streep. :rotl: Preferably in a Greek villa, right on the Med!

    I'm not exactly deprived. I'm going diving in Mexico next month. I just had a big ol' bout of self-pity. I really DO hate it. I hope everybody that is having a shit day finds improvements. And thanks to everybody for reassuring me! And Kiran, no harm done. I think you need to hang out here MORE, not less!

    I really try to be the kind of friend that is always happy for my friend's successes, accomplishments, new possessions, terrific vacations. I generally succeed. Ireland and Mamma Mia got the better of me for a minute, is all.

  7. #27
    Senior Member 6string's Avatar
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    Back in the seventy's, all my friends had motorcycles. They toured the US, and two of them flew to Great Britain, rented BMW bikes, and toured England and Scotland. This never bothered me, and I thought it was cool. I was sincerely happy for them. One day, in the late seventy's, one of them asked me if he bought a sidecar, would I ride with him. "Hell Yeah," I said. He checked it out and we found out it was kind of expensive. I couldn't split the cost with him because I was just starting my junior year of college. He couldn't swing it alone, but...him just asking me, and thinking or me like that, meant the world to me. To this day, I think it was one of the nicest things anyone ever offered to do for me. Sometimes the thoughts are more important than the actions.
    "Music will always find its way to us, with or without business, politics, religion, or any other bullshit attached. Music survives everything, and like God it is always present. It needs no help, and suffers no hindrance. It has always found me, and with God's blessing and permission, it always will." Eric Clapton

  8. #28
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    Betheny, you need to bring up the subject. You said "(To be fair, she hasn't bailed.)" . It would be so terrible if SHE is thinking how much she would like to travel with you, but is assuming you couldn't handle it, and doesn;t want to ask, b.c then it would hurt your feelings that you can;t go? What if she is thinking "I wish Betheny could come along with me, but I can;t mention it, because she can;t travel anymore and it woudl make her feel so badly if I were to ask her". Sometimes the ones we love best are as dumb as stumps when it comes to their assumptions about our abilities.

    My husband hands down veto;d our going to Ireland to see Meg when it first came up, back when she was just planning this semester. It didn't make much sense to me, it is expensive, but looking for cheaper fares, and some serious penny pinching leading up to it, it is possible, but he was adamant, and wouldn;t discuss it further. (Unusual, too) I just found out last week why. He was worried about cathing on the plane trip. He didn;t think it was possible (and now that I think back on it, it was my daughters discussing it at the time. I think he was going to be the "baddie" so that I didn;t have to say I couldn;t come). I don;t know for sure if we will go, but it would have been terrible if we didn;t, just b.c he didn;t know I could handle the cathing situation on the plane!

    re Mama Mia ..... I saw it in the theater this summer w/ my daughters. UI enjoyed it, and the scenery was GORGEOUS! But it was bittersweet. All the scrambling on stairs and rocks and the beach.

    Re my daughter. She is in Cork.


    edited to add, not trying to downplay your feelings of being left out. I totally get it. It is bad enough when we are left out of something that we truly can;t do, But worse to not even get asked.

    You are probably reading her right, and that sucks. But then a little voice kept bugging me. Maybe it is only a 1% chance, but I think you should bring up the subject.
    Last edited by sjean423; 01-30-2009 at 06:12 PM.
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  9. #29
    Senior Member justadildo's Avatar
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    i fucking hate being left out....ab, i never left anyone behind...now they call me AFTER they do shit and say "oh, i didn't think you'd wanna go and deal with access"...fuck you douche, it takes more effort and planning for me to get out of bed than those fucks put into their whole day....i've done more before i get to coffee than some of my "friends" all week...or what about when you ask someone to take you to the store, but they just want a list instead and they'll go for you..FUCK YOU, i want out of this house for a bit, not a mystery shopper


    ...shit!...i just posted in another thread that i don't get pissed...but since i like beth, i read this thread and now i'm pissed...well fuck em..but for the record, i'll go any where with you beth...or mary ellen..or chris..or addiesue....

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by justadildo View Post
    i fucking hate being left out....ab, i never left anyone behind...now they call me AFTER they do shit and say "oh, i didn't think you'd wanna go and deal with access"...fuck you douche, it takes more effort and planning for me to get out of bed than those fucks put into their whole day....i've done more before i get to coffee than some of my "friends" all week...or what about when you ask someone to take you to the store, but they just want a list instead and they'll go for you..FUCK YOU, i want out of this house for a bit, not a mystery shopper


    ...shit!...i just posted in another thread that i don't get pissed...but since i like beth, i read this thread and now i'm pissed...well fuck em..but for the record, i'll go any where with you beth...or mary ellen..or chris..or addiesue....
    OMG. The mystery shopper routine. I LMAOffff over that one because I read those words and knew what you meant. I have people in the periphery of my life like that. If you need anything I'll pick it up at the store for you. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad for that because it has kept me from calling a cab company and playing possibly impaired, crazy driver roulette to get to the store.

    I'm so freakin' lucky to have a couple of good friends in my life. No mystery shopper. No telling me about a sweet little place afterwards. We talk about things in conversation. We make plans. We go do things together. Hell, we're friends and they are not my mystery shoppers nor I theirs.

    B, hang on Girl. I get what you are saying and I understand why you are feeling what you are. Having a friend leave you out time after time post-injury is one of the most painful insults. There is no getting around it. That hurts like hell. I could say she is missing out and I know she is, but I know that you are missing her. I know you are hurting in a big way.

    Oh, and Scott? I'd go anywhere with you, too.

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