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Thread: Grateful for being differently abled

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by bob clark View Post
    We're supposed to be able to take care of our parents as they age. All I can do is offer my Mom moral support and supportive gibberish. Big deal. That doesn't help get her in the car and to the dentist, doctor or hospital. Most all the things that a child is supposed to do for their parents in the aging scheme of life has been taken from me. That hurts and detracts from my self-worth.
    I find this especially difficult these days. I suspect Bob and I are around the same age. My parents are in their late 70s and my husbands parents are in their 90s. Since I was hurt almost 4 years ago, there have been a lot of health issues. And I should have been there! I should have been the one to stay with my mother inlaw while my father in law was in the hospital and rehab for several months. She shouldn;t have been driving back and forth to see him alone. But at the time, I still wasn;t driving, and she couldn;t get me up the 3 stairs into her house, or through her kitchen and bathroom doors. Yea, if I had gone up, I would have been a great help! The best I managed in that crisis, was a lot of phone calls and research. Oh yea, when they wouldn;t put in a ramp for themselves (something seriously needed, since my f-i-law was recovering from a 3RD broken hip!) they did agree to put in one for me! So I guess I came in handy there.

    Even driving now, I can;t drive them around to appointments. Or at least I can;t make sure they can get in and out of the car, or in and out of the building with out falling.

    There is a lot pf physical care that our parents need as they age, that whether is due to accessibility or physical limitations we won't be able to do. And when that time comes, it is hard to see that happen. Sometimes, just one more reason sci sucks.
    Last edited by sjean423; 01-30-2009 at 05:37 PM.
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  2. #52
    Megan, I hope you and your partner, PeasnLuv, both stay. CC is a place of much diversity, both in terms of members and attitudes among those members, and this thread is proof. This began with a member stating he is grateful for his injury. Others have agreed and still others have said they are anything, but grateful for SCI.

    For many, CC may be the only avenue to vent about SCI. Many here cannot blow off at caergivers because those closest to them are their permanent caergivers. They cannot kick the dog because they literally cannot kick the dog. Friends from pre-injury may be a relic of a former life or may not want to hear about anything SCI-related. There may not be support groups or if there are such groups, Sjean gave reasons these may be inaccessible.

    CC may be the one place a person may safely say SCI sucks, blows, is dreadful, horrid, has taken everything, all, is devastating, etc. Members may express feelings of anger, rage, sadness, depression, grief, remorse, longing, hopelessness and a number of other emotions we often associate as being negative. Still those emotions are best expressed if they are occurring so a person does not feel so isloated.

    I don't know about anyone else, but CC has let me know more than once I'm not the only one feeling what I'm feeling or going through what I'm experiencing physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. SCI, unexpressed emotions and isolation make for a bad mix.

    As SJean wrote, if threads of this sort are troubling to you, perhaps it's better to not read them for now. These threads can be a method of venting for some individuals which is important to them. If these don't work for you, just pass over them.

    I'm glad you and PeasnLuv are as unified, loving and tight a couple as you are. Such love is a rarity, especially these days. Keep hanging and pulling together. You two have something special.

    Here's hoping you stay at CC. You have much to offer and share with the rest of us.

    Much love to you both.

    Mary Ellen

  3. #53
    Quote Originally Posted by peasnluv View Post
    I find it surprising that someone who has never been the caregiver to someone differently abled before can say they know exactly how that caregiver feels. If I said I knew exactly what it felt like to be a para or a quad would you take my word for it? No, you'd think I was out of my mind. So how can you sit there and say that the caregiver is burdened, or sparing this awful "truth" just to be nice? You have no idea. Seen kid has never been, nor will she ever be a burden on myself, or our family. And no, I'm not just saying that. I almost lost the one person that means everything to me, and maybe it's a little selfish that I'm happy she's paralyzed, but you know why that is? Because she's not dead. And the whole sex comment? I sincerely am angered by that because you also have no idea what my desires are, or how our sex life is. How can you say I'd rather be with someone able bodied? You don't know me. I know for a FACT there many many many higher lever para's and quads out there that have it so much worse than your so called "para 101" easy life. And beyond that, there are so many people living with things much worse than this.That's why we don't take life for granted.

    Hey SeenKid and PeasnLuv,

    Don't leave CC because we had a discussion. You asked me a few questions and I gave you a few/several answers. That's how I am. If you ask me a question or even look at me sideways I'm gonna explain things into the ground... ad nauseum. That's just how I am... anyone will tell you that!

    I'm sorry if I offended you two in any way. I wasn't sure if yous were an "item"... girlfriend and girlfriend or not but thought that you might be. About the sex thing. I asked SeenKid what she thought her lover would prefer... if we had the power to make things different... and I now know that you PeasnLuv are her girlfriend... so the question is what would you prefer if say we could wave a magic wand and go back in time. Of course you would prefer the woman you love not to be SCI'd. That's not saying that you two can't or don't have a great loving relationship. It was a question about ultimate preference. And I probably shouldn't have brought it up.

    About caregivers... all I know is what I read in the Caregivers forum. That's all I'll say about that.

    So don't leave... everyone here loves you two. You're really sweet people and would really be missed if you left. And I'd feel really guilty that I was the one who precipitated it. Please don't put that trip on me. Pretty please?

    Bob.
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

  4. #54
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    I truly ask forgiveness because I think it's rude to comment without reading everything, but I'm on a deadline, and just visiting in a moment of rebellion I skimmed long enough to have a Rodney King moment. I hope it’s appropriate to share. I think we all need to cut each other some slack. Isn’t life hard enough without us all judging each other? All of our situations are so different; how can we possibly do anything other than honor everyone's personal experience and offer support, and productive advice when requested. I’m happy to rejoice at others’ triumphs—physical, attitudinal, social, spiritual, whatever -- but not to be judged if for whatever reason I can't replicate them. Similarly, I hope people don’t feel offended if I share a good, optimistic day. If I sound a little polyanna it’s not with any expectation that others should be lucky enough to feel the same thing. I think we should feel safe to say whatever we want about ourselves and try to be guided by charity responding to others.

    Just my two cents -- we are all in this together.

  5. #55
    Quote Originally Posted by LaMemChose View Post
    CC may be the one place a person may safely say SCI sucks, blows, is dreadful, horrid, has taken everything, all, is devastating, etc. Members may express feelings of anger, rage, sadness, depression, grief, remorse, longing, hopelessness and a number of other emotions we often associate as being negative. Still those emotions are best expressed if they are occurring so a person does not feel so isloated.

    I don't know about anyone else, but CC has let me know more than once I'm not the only one feeling what I'm feeling or going through what I'm experiencing physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. SCI, unexpressed emotions and isolation make for a bad mix.
    AMEN to this! Perhaps it's because all of my friends with significant disabilities come from the front lines of the disability rights movement, but not once have I ever heard any of them express even a moment of anger or self-pity about the fact that they are disabled -- it seems to be an unspoken rule that you need to portray the supercrip attitude at all times or say nothing at all. It's made me feel guilty for years that I go through periods of anger, mourning and self-pity whenever I suffer another decline in function (my SC damage is progressive).

    Thank goodness there are places like CC where I can come and be honest about such feelings. It's horrible to be made to feel as if you're the only person in the world with negative feelings about your disability, and that you are somehow "less" than everyone else with severe disabilities because you let yours get to you.

    Reading the posts here confirm that such feelings are normal, not just for the newly injured but even for those who have been crips for decades. And knowing that you are not alone is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

    If you don't like posts that express negative feelings and can't resist making judgments about the people who have them, it's probably best that you leave. The pressure from the outside world to always be upbeat and inspirational is more than enough for anyone -- the last thing I need to see when I come here is judgmental spouting off about what a bummer I am just because I am having a down period.

    --THC

  6. #56
    Quote Originally Posted by Random View Post
    I truly ask forgiveness because I think it's rude to comment without reading everything, but I'm on a deadline, and just visiting in a moment of rebellion I skimmed long enough to have a Rodney King moment. I hope it’s appropriate to share. I think we all need to cut each other some slack. Isn’t life hard enough without us all judging each other? All of our situations are so different; how can we possibly do anything other than honor everyone's personal experience and offer support, and productive advice when requested. I’m happy to rejoice at others’ triumphs—physical, attitudinal, social, spiritual, whatever -- but not to be judged if for whatever reason I can't replicate them. Similarly, I hope people don’t feel offended if I share a good, optimistic day. If I sound a little polyanna it’s not with any expectation that others should be lucky enough to feel the same thing. I think we should feel safe to say whatever we want about ourselves and try to be guided by charity responding to others.

    Just my two cents -- we are all in this together.
    I'm with you in your Rodney King moment. Whether another person is feeling up or down I can respect that is what another person is experiencing, is feeling. I do not have to be in the exact place as that person to have empathy for a person who is feeling low and I don't have to be as up as another who is excited and happy about something wonderful in her or his life.

    One of the best things we do for and with each other is to offer support. It's when we are at our individual and collective best.

    I'm with you Randy because you're right. We are all in this together.

  7. #57
    I'll never buy into the original poster's line of thinking, but he's entitled to his own thoughts about his own experiences. That goes for everyone though. I'm sure this thread might not have provoked as much response if he had stated his reasons for why he feels grateful without casting aspersions about those who don't. As has been mentioned, a lot of wheelchair users experience less than sympathetic/empathetic people every day and could be forgiven for hoping that those who live with the difficulties of SCI could understand a little of where they are coming from, or at least try to.

    I really don't think it's too much to ask that members of this board and others like it can be realistic about how they feel without being classed as 'bitter and resentful'.

  8. #58
    I would just like to apologize to everyone for my stupid comments.

    Bob Clark- I apologize for being an ass. I get really carried away sometime with what I say.

    I was not trying to tell anyone how they can or can't feel or I wasn't trying to. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and vent at times. I wasn't putting others feeling into consideration and deeply apologize again.
    T-7 Complete
    "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

  9. #59
    Seenkid-You and PnL have been a great addition to CC. I hope you don't go because some of us come here to blow off steam.

    Sometimes I wonder what ppl were thinking. If a thread topic says "Vent", "Rant", "Self Pity" or something, and you're not in the mood for a downer, don't go there.

    And in turn, those that are ranting, venting and self pitying should agree to indicate that is the case in the topic title. So, no surprises! If some peppy person clicks one of those threads, their bad, as long as it's labeled.

    Having this outlet has spared my family, and quite possibly the veins in my wrists, many a time.

    Some people are negative. Some are really having a shitty time in their lives. It's not always because of SCI but there is no denying that it is a complication, ever-present. Add in aging, aging parents, money troubles, marital troubles, parenting troubles, other health issues...it can get hairy. You're not there yet in your life, thank God. May you have decades of peace before the storm.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bob clark View Post
    Hey SeenKid and PeasnLuv,

    Don't leave CC because we had a discussion. You asked me a few questions and I gave you a few/several answers. That's how I am. If you ask me a question or even look at me sideways I'm gonna explain things into the ground... ad nauseum. That's just how I am... anyone will tell you that!

    I'm sorry if I offended you two in any way. I wasn't sure if yous were an "item"... girlfriend and girlfriend or not but thought that you might be. About the sex thing. I asked SeenKid what she thought her lover would prefer... if we had the power to make things different... and I now know that you PeasnLuv are her girlfriend... so the question is what would you prefer if say we could wave a magic wand and go back in time. Of course you would prefer the woman you love not to be SCI'd. That's not saying that you two can't or don't have a great loving relationship. It was a question about ultimate preference. And I probably shouldn't have brought it up.

    About caregivers... all I know is what I read in the Caregivers forum. That's all I'll say about that.

    So don't leave... everyone here loves you two. You're really sweet people and would really be missed if you left. And I'd feel really guilty that I was the one who precipitated it. Please don't put that trip on me. Pretty please?

    Bob.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seenkid101 View Post
    I would just like to apologize to everyone for my stupid comments.

    Bob Clark- I apologize for being an ass. I get really carried away sometime with what I say.

    I was not trying to tell anyone how they can or can't feel or I wasn't trying to. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and vent at times. I wasn't putting others feeling into consideration and deeply apologize again.
    Two heartwarming posts, many thanks to you both.

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