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Thread: "How bad R U from 1 to 10?" arrrrrrrgh!!!!

  1. #31
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    I've come close to asking people to kill me, but I don't want to be locked up in a psych ward for expressing those thoughts. As it is, I just wish to die to end the torture. And my pains always intensify for some unknown reason - the reverse (decreasing pains) would be nice for a change.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  2. #32
    Quote Originally Posted by alan View Post
    I've come close to asking people to kill me, but I don't want to be locked up in a psych ward for expressing those thoughts. As it is, I just wish to die to end the torture. And my pains always intensify for some unknown reason - the reverse (decreasing pains) would be nice for a change.
    Alan, I know that you are in pain and I'm sorry. I'm in pain everyday so day worse than others, like I can't get out of bed. I hope you are not serious about suicide. There are people in your life that care about you very deeply, I'm sure of it. People in this forum care about you. Don't take the easy way out, be a survivor dude! Pain is relavent to everyone and I have no doubt that you are in some pretty serious pain. Maybe you should get some coucelling from a psych pain management physician? Or maybe you just need someone to listen to you w/out advice. I've been there and back. In the last several yrs it's felt like I went to hell and came back even though reality isn't a whole lot better than hell. But, you have free will and the ability to decide what you are going to do everyday. You can decide w/the pain to be positive and affect people's lifes or you can be in pain and negitive and bring everyone down w/you. In any case good luck, God bless and God speed! Here's to a better year alan.

    "God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, The courage to change the things we can, And the wisdom to know the difference."

    Serenity Prayer

  3. #33
    Hey Alan, Just thought I'd give you a shout. I have an idea of how you're feeling. Thought I'd try and get my mind off of it for a while and see how you're doing.

    Sun is shining here, temps are probably in the mid fifties. The woods still look damp from yesterday's fog and rain. Yesterday was a doozy! That kind of weather does not like me!

    Time for my new Cocktail of metholcarbalmol, gabapentin, darvacet, and topamax, maybe the burning and vibrating will settle down for awhile. I have to admit I can tell a small difference with the topamax, but will have to enjoy it for a short. When it's gone, I won't be adding that to my medicare bill anymore.

    Tomorrow is neuro surgeon day, a bit nervous about that.

    I pray for the reverse to happen to you and all of us Alan. Hang in there.....

  4. #34
    Smoky - how was the neurosurg visit?
    Are they the ones managing your gaggle of meds?

  5. #35

    I wanted to ask you how much doxycycline you have to take?

  6. #36

    I posted it on the Care forum (did'nt get much response) that visit was a cluster, well, you know.

    I lost my health ins when I could'nt work anymore. Finally got ssdi approved/medicare approved for Dec 1st. I spent a week going over the stuff, contacting everybody. I knew what I was doing, I did it for the co. I worked for. Worked it out with the insurance billing clerk at the neurosurgeon's office, I'm established so they'd take the blue cross blue sheild out of net work, no problem. None for me, out of net work is $25 co pay.

    Until I get there. After bumping up appointment and tests, they did'nt even see me after driving almost 60 miles. Sooo, they made a new "maybe" appt for the 29th, they're still thinking about it, gave me back my cd and said "see ya".

    So now I'm confused, before it was important to see me right away, now it's not? I guess I'm going to try for an answer today from them and get a new neuro if I have to.

    I'm glad they are'nt the ones managing my meds. For one thing, it's too hard getting hold of that "special" bunch. You have to leave messages, never get a live body. Sometimes it's the next day before they return a call. I had to deal with them right after surgery.

    Found out my doc is switching me from topamax to carbamazepine. We needed to go to something cheaper. I'll be picking that up Friday.

  7. #37
    You must be unbelievably frustrated. I can only think of one scenario in their defense - one, the neurosurgeon got called for a surgical emergency and had to leave his office, and two, his office staff is playing hardball and not representing him well. The other thing I think about is that there really is a 2 tier system in US medicine. Medicare is in the lower tier. There are quotas, docs will intentionally delay seeing them which is too bad.
    The other thing I think is that after you have surgery, if you are not having any surgical issues, then there isn't much you are going to benefit from a guy like a neurosurgeon. They are not usually a very touchy feely bunch and they don't do medical management. You are better off seeing a PM or a pain specialist.
    You sound persistent and knowledgeable about the insurance and med game - good. It takes persistence - you are your best advocate, no one else cares as much unfortunately.
    Hope the carbamazepine works as well as the pricey topamax. If not, find out who is the drug rep for topamax in your area and call them. Try a sob story !

  8. #38
    dejerine -
    100 mg doxycycline twice a day. Maybe for the rest of my life. I take it because my spine hardware harbored staph epi - very sensitive to almost anything so I can use a 'safe' antibiotic like doxy.
    Why do you ask, may I ask?

  9. #39
    Man is nice to read that there are other people who understand what it means to have the extreme pain. I have the hardest time conveying the pain to the AB. I tell my dad about the pain and he thinks it is good because now maybe I will be able to walk. Or the other side of the discussion is there is no way I can hurt because I have no feeling.

    Last week I went to my urologist and found out I have kidney stone. But because, according to him, I can’t feel it and it is in a place that is not obstructing my urine, he is not going to remove it. I do not have any answers for you other then do your best to get out of bed every day and stop here for some understanding.
    T6 complete

  10. #40
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    The Boonies, WA


    The pain for me is worse in the morning from 5am until I do ROM it's about a 7. I have breakfast and start movin around and it goes to a 4 and only goes up from there. I quit the morphine (low dose) and just grin and bear it it. Every once and again everything goes nutty and I take some breakthrough meds. Anways, I've only been injured for 9 monthes and would like to know if it gets WORSE over time? I don't want to sound negative, just want to know the truth.

    Sharp pains in neck and left side of back, dull burning electrical sensation over entire injury effected area, fire/acid pain below hips, etc. And I thought feeling something below my injury would be nice.
    When trains meet motorcycles, the motorcycle always loses.

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