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Thread: Blame :(

  1. #41
    Well I wish you luck it is not easy to find a good one. I hope you find your peace soon.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

  2. #42
    Quote Originally Posted by bcsimpsons View Post
    No, this is not the same therapist. That original therapist worked out of the same office as my psychiatrist. The therapist I currently see runs her own private practice.

    I can't see how she thinks feeding your guilt will help. You have dozens of replies here from people far more equipped to understand your situation and they all seem to agree.

    I know these feelings aren't easy to bury and I've pretty much self diagnosed that I compartmentalise my own issues with SCI. Healthy? I don't know. Seems to work most of the time.

    It's like I have a number of 'boxes' marked Life, Work, Relationships and SCI Demons. When the first three are full of positive things the final box stays locked (mostly).

    If the positives in any of the first three fall too far the SCI box is wide open and body issues, loss of independence, hatred of my life and thoughts of ending it come flooding out.

    Once in a while this is useful. The trick is finding enough perspective to shut the box again.

    I wish you luck.
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  3. #43
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Wisconsin USA
    Quote Originally Posted by bcsimpsons View Post
    To those who are suggesting professional help, I am currently receiving it. My therapist tells me that I should feel responsible. I don't know what else to say except that.

    I do understand that things could have turned out much worse then they did. I can't help the fact that I feel this way, I don't want to feel this way, I try not to feel this way. Why do you think I drag myself to classes everyday? Why I still try to make plans? Sometimes you do all you can and it still isn't enough.
    I give lousy advice on when the old black cloud rolls in. Sorry. Becky, you are amazing if you're still taking care of classes and making plans. You are manging the day by day thing and at times that's all any of us can do.

    I can't imagine a therapist telling you to shoulder the blame. I'd get a psychiatrist's opinion on that lovely nugget. If he/she meant the more general taking responsibilty for your life then I'd agree. But baby steps are needed at times and this is one of them IMHO. You're still in school. That's a major responsibilty. You're trying to manage your mental health and that is serious job that requires a lot more energy than many think. You go to friends for advice, support and help and at your age that is a healthy response to most problems. Skip the blame and concentrate on doing what you are so far--school, trying to balance your mental health and creating and adding to a group of supportive friends and aquaintances both face to face and via the net especially here on CC. Do add caring for your physical health as much as possible. You've probably read enough tales on here where lack of overall good health effects how we think and feel about everything else. So maybe start some baby steps in that direction this coming year. I'm adding more general health to my New Year's plan. Not exactly a resolution but more being aware that I drink enough, try to avoid sweets as much as possible (I'm hitting that age where I can't rely on metabolism much less exercise to keep the weight off) and I'm heading back to outpatient PT for several months. Man, I dread depending on paratransit on a regular basis again. Blech!
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

    Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

  4. #44
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    last house on the left
    Becky, if your therapist says, or even implies, that your SCI is your fault she is not only a lousy therapist, she is a dangerous one too. I saw a therapist for several years who had NO abilities at all other than to make me feel worse about myself in every way. Only when a dear friend caught on to the extent that this therapist was harming me did I agree to go to someone else. It was the best decision of my life. Therapy is a marriage, of sorts, and there needs to be a good "fit" of personalities, and a competent therapist does not bring her own issues to the session.

  5. #45
    Quote Originally Posted by Buck_Nastier View Post
    Unbelievable. Get a new therapist. Tell your current therapist I said go to hell.

  6. #46
    Senior Member zilnh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    New Hampshire

    I am just going to play devil advocate for a moment, feel free to tell me off. You might even feel better if you tell me to go to hell.

    Might your therapist be saying that if you can't get passed the feeling that you are in some way responsible, perhaps you were responsible for signing papers (which everyone that isn't religiously opposed to signs). But then what happened after that was out of your hands? Would you feel better if you could say, "Yes, I had a gut feeling this was going to not work well, but I did the best I could in that situation." After you signed the papers, the responsibility for your health was passed on to professionals.

    Would you tell anyone else that they shouldn't have the procedure done if it was medically necessary?

    Do you want to share the responsibility so that you have some control over what happened? The point at which you lost control might be why you are struggling. Especially given how driven and talented you are, it must be frustrating to know that you handed control to someone else. But you didn't have a reasonable reason to not sign. You had to have a procedure done. You signed standard documents. You did not sign papers that said, you are choosing to be SCI until a cure is found.

    Have you had tough decisions since then and worried about the outcome but went ahead anyway? Did they all turn out horrible?

    Getting stuck in that cycle in your mind is horrible. I liken it to a slot machine, images just whirling through and then it stops when you get 3 lemons in a row and stressing about that thought until it is exhausting and nauseating.

    If your therapist is causing you stress, tell that person. They may not realize the way you are interpreting their words, or they may just suck.

    I sent you a pm a while ago. Use me as a resource if you want to. I am not SCI, but I don't like to see people torturing themselves with the "what ifs." You have a huge group of people who care for you, I am one of those people...please don't stop fighting.

    Last edited by zilnh; 12-20-2008 at 12:12 AM. Reason: Spelling
    I wished upon a falling star, I wished it had not fallen...

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