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Thread: I can't take it anymore

  1. #1

    I can't take it anymore

    My husband was an asshole before, but not as bad, but now, things just suck. We don't get along at all and I am so resentful of all that I have done for him since his accident. I am letting my life pass me by and why? HE IS A JERK. We haven't had sex in years, and I only say that to give you an indication of where the intimacy level is with us. It is not my fault he was hurt, it is not my fault he is angry at the world, I just want to be happy. I have children and it is hurting them too. We tried counseling and everything else. I guess, really, I don't care what our friends think, they know he is a jerk. I feel bad for the kids because they will be devastated if we divorce because they feel sorry for him. I guess what I am looking for at this point is someone to tell me they divorced successfully and the kids were ok and their significant other was ok. He is a paraplegic by the way.

  2. #2
    Senior Member fishin'guy's Avatar
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    Hard spot there, I really don't have any advice to give , but I can send some prayers for your kids and you. The kids are THE most important thing in this situation, be kind and be careful. good luck.

  3. #3
    Senior Member GoTWHeeLs's Avatar
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    If it hasn't been long since his accident give him a chance. If its been awhile leave him.
    Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

    My Myspace



  4. #4
    If he is unwilling to meet you halfway to make things better it is ok for you to consider walking away. It is not right for kids to be raised in a negative environment. Maybe when he faces the reality of you leaving he will come around.

  5. #5
    Hi,I am a kid of divorced parents. I thought it might be helpful to see it from a kids view. My parents fought for a few years before their divorce, and i know they tried to hide it but i could tell. I saw how unhappy my mom was with their marriage and when she left it just about killed my dad. It was hard to see, but at the same time I was glad to see her getting out of a life she was unhappy in. I will say i was mad at my mom for leaving and walking out but as I'm growing up I see what it is to be trapped in a relationship were things just stop working. If you do decide to divorce your husband, don't hide the truth from your kids. When you take the first step it is very easy for the kids to see it as your fault and you giving up. Make sure you explain to them how unhappy you and your husband both were and how even though you tried it just didn't work out. Never put your kids in the middle of it and make them choose who to live with... If possible have them split time between the two houses.Hope this helps, in the end though its really your decision.
    MandyRae

  6. #6
    Happens all the time. BREATHE.

    SCI is like aging overnight. Have you ever noticed that whatever you are in youth, you become more so as you age? The neat freak becomes a controlling anal retentive. A lush becomes a drunkard. A slob becomes slovenly. The noncomformist becomes eccentric.

    The grouch becomes an asshole.

    I've seen it more times than I can say.

    I won't tell you what to do. I WILL say that he has no right to be abusive to you or your kids, and emotional abuse counts. Your life is as important as his, and the kids come first. Good luck.

  7. #7
    I'm not a child of divorce, but I have seen my sister and her kids go through a divorce (minus the injury of course). She stayed for a long time, thinking that it was better for the kids, scared that they would be the devastated ones. It was hard on them, no doubt, when she finally did leave. But I think that now they both realize that their parents are happier apart, and that they are happier when they don't have to be in the middle of a nasty situation every single day.

    It's a tough spot, I'm sure. Definitely one I hope to never have to deal with myself, but if things aren't working, they aren't working. I don't think you should feel obligated to stay just because he has an injury. It's no excuse for a bad attitude toward you.
    If there is light
    it will find
    you

    --Charles Bukowski

  8. #8
    I just got divorce 4 months ago and it's hard on everybody, ex-wife is always telling me that she can't really forget about us, she tries to be happy without me but I'm always on here mind, just make sure that a divorces is what you ready want.

  9. #9
    Wow, thanks for the quick responses. It is nice to seek advice here and be supported. I would not leave him for his injury alone, but I find myself so often laughing out loud literally like (here is an example) "Oh my god, I just friggen washed the bed sheets he crapped and pee'd on and he is cussing at me because I left hair (I have very long hair) on the shower floor!?!? Ok, so maybe that was too much info, but I had to give an accurate analogy. This kind of thing happens constantly.

    Here is another one...... I am lazy because after I work all day and come home and clean and cook, he is pissed if I don't feel like going with him and the kids half way across town so he can buy a ??? it could be anything, a cd, a dvd, a hamburger. And yes, he does drive.... So yea, I am called "lazy" and yet he slept all day while I worked and the kids were at school....


    It has been a little over 3 years since he was hurt.

  10. #10

    Wow!

    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    Happens all the time. BREATHE.

    SCI is like aging overnight. Have you ever noticed that whatever you are in youth, you become more so as you age? The neat freak becomes a controlling anal retentive. A lush becomes a drunkard. A slob becomes slovenly. The noncomformist becomes eccentric.

    The grouch becomes an asshole.

    I've seen it more times than I can say.
    You couldn't have said it better.... This really hit the nail on the head!

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