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Thread: Husband's Depression

  1. #11
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
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    Jen, you said your husband had stopped taking his antidepressants as they wouldn't fix what was wrong with him or something to that effect. I'm curious if YOU think he was better (i.e. less depressed, less suicidal, whatever) when he was taking them? And even if not, there are many many different drugs -- there is something out there that would help him. He's right -- it won't cure the SCI. But I love the analogy my very wise doctor used. Consider that it's raining. He could go outside without anything and stay soaked or he could use an umbrella (antidepressants) and stay mostly dry. They won't stop the rain -- just help you keep from getting so very wet!

    You're in our thoughts.

    martha

  2. #12
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Jen my husband was 51 when he was injured T5 complete. Since my husband is a hunter we have a house full of guns and although they are locked in a gun cabinet .... he's the one that has the key. Oddly enough I worry less about the guns and more about the pills (overdose) and his vehicle (accidental accident) ! He has had plenty to feel depressed about this past year having had additional health problems including skin trouble. He's had some very, very low days .... our kids seem to draw him out again when he feels this bad and his "happy" pills (Paxil) ! Occasionally he lets his prescription run out and won't take them for a few days and I can always tell somethings not right .... Bill always hated taking any kind of medication prior to his injury and rarely needed it but he certainly needs his anti-depressant ... Martha's umbrella analogy is right on the money!! Depression is an ugly, not so little monster that needs to be controlled before it gets out of hand ..... it can draw on all the valuable resources required needed to survive this nasty situation we all find ourselves in (yours included) !!

    I hope things improve for you and your family .... keep coming here ... sharing the pipe is good therapy !!

    Obieone
    P.S. I'm with you Jen I wouldn't wish this life (some days) on Saddam himself ....... wellll on second thought ....

  3. #13
    I would just endorse what others have said about the importance of him continuing on his antidepressant, and urging him to get some counseling and speak to his physician. Antidepressants are a tool for coping...not a way to make people "happy" they have a SCI or to accept a SCI.

    Like the umbrella analogy, I often use the hammer analogy...I don't see people telling others to pound hammers with their hands when this is what a hammer is designed to do. It is not "giving into the nail" to use one!

    (KLD)

  4. #14
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Yes Kathy I know your right ..... the euphemism "happy" pill is Bills term of endearment for it not mine .... of course when he has to take Coumidin(sp) for awhile sometimes he'll say " time to take my rat poison !!! " .... we're a bunch of sick puppies around here some days !!!

    Obieone

  5. #15
    Originally posted by Shabu:

    But I also get ticked off that he would WAIT for a few years down the road. I have an attitude, if you are going to do it, do it now. Why waste my time.
    This was my thinking too. I mean, I tried seeing it from the other persons point of view. It was a paradox. On the one hand, you hold out for hope, but on the other hand you feel useless and a burden. I had a 2X plan. I decided I didn't want to start logging more days in a wheelchair than I did able bodied.

    Funny thing though, by staying busy I forgot when the day came and it was a month overdue. Its important to focus on what you can do and do something there... explore possibilities. Get rid of bad influences that support the 50 plan and other destructive thinking (if at all possible). Depression may not completely disappear, but it can be managed with the right support.

    A T11 injury has so much capability. If this buddy and he can get together and plan...let them plan constructive things. Starting a new business would be a thought. Gotta get motivated. Family should be motivation enough, but the first few years can be tough.

    This is not a lot of help, but it can pass with the right influences. Counseling and a reassessment of skills might turn up a few rays of sunshine.

    Good luck.

  6. #16
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    My ex husband Scott (C7) was and probably still is very depressed, but wouldn't accept the diagnosis or take the meds. Because of his depression going untreated, I ended up on anti-depressants. My point is, as SCI Nurse says, the pills give you coping power, and everyone around you benefits when you take your meds regularly--and suffers when you don't.

    I like the umbrella analogy too. That umbrella can also protect those closest to you as well.

    BTW, never, never, ever just stop taking any anti depressant, especially Paxil, unless the doctor orders you to.

    ~ Joy to the world, all the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me. ~ Three Dog Night

  7. #17
    I had terrible bouts of depression. When I think of it now it was a total state of mind.It was mostly a feeling of total worthlessness and no control in my life.It was like being deaf to those around me at times.It was a point in my life where I was very careless.The feeling of still being worthwhile eventually overcame the negative forces.
    At the time I had some very kind and understanding people around me.A person needs praise and encouragement just to keep their head above water.I do thank God for those people.Thankfully after 20years now that dark cloud has passed.
    There is an old saying"Never sing to a depressed man for it is like rubbing salt in his wounds"I believe that has a ring of truth to it.
    I sure wish anyone who is in this state the strenght, power and social structure to overcome...

  8. #18
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    I too resisted antidepressants. I have always felt that "if it can be done, I can do it". But I finally admitted I needed help. I agreed to Zoloft and so did my husband. He seldom has down days anymore. He isn't motivated to do anything, go anywhere, or try to "get on with life", but at least he doesn't mention death every day. We do laugh sometimes. I put peanut butter on his hands so his dogs will lick him. I keep his bird feeders full. I buy audio books since he has trouble turning pages. I let him know that I NEED HIM. Even if I know how to do something, I pretend I don't sometimes. Although I am a hardhead and don't like being told what to do, I let him win when he says I can't climb on the roof to sweep, or a ladder to trim trees, or a chain saw. And I remind him every day how lucky he is to have me. HAAA. Actually when I look around at some of my neighbors husbands, I wouldn't trade him. I tell him we are all handicapped in some way, some more than others.

  9. #19
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Shabu:

    I too resisted antidepressants. I have always felt that "if it can be done, I can do it". But I finally admitted I needed help. I agreed to Zoloft and so did my husband. He seldom has down days anymore. He isn't motivated to do anything, go anywhere, or try to "get on with life", but at least he doesn't mention death every day. We do laugh sometimes. I put peanut butter on his hands so his dogs will lick him. I keep his bird feeders full. I buy audio books since he has trouble turning pages. I let him know that I NEED HIM. Even if I know how to do something, I pretend I don't sometimes. Although I am a hardhead and don't like being told what to do, I let him win when he says I can't climb on the roof to sweep, or a ladder to trim trees, or a chain saw. And I remind him every day how lucky he is to have me. HAAA. Actually when I look around at some of my neighbors husbands, I wouldn't trade him. I tell him we are all handicapped in some way, some more than others.
    Shabu, that is a brilliant post in every way. Thanks so much for writing it.

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