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Thread: So are you/they able to do?

  1. #21
    How long has he been in a chair? (missed it if it was printed already)

    Did his divorce take place after his accident?
    Does he have a weight issue?

    Not defending him in the least.. but it's possible his x did everything for him and he is just in the stupid male- I don't do housework-mode.
    I do stuff at home, but only if the wife lets me.
    Anyway.. does he have a weight or other health issue?
    Going to a power chair at his level of injury sounds like he's physically lazy or has some issue with fatigue. I can tell you, as others here can, that if you don't exercise and try to stay somewhat physally fit you feel dragged down.

    Next time he asks you to pop popcorn ask him to come over for a moment.
    Ask him can you reach the microwave?
    can you open the door? Show me..
    Can you press the button for popcorn?
    Then inform him he's graduated Popcorn 101.
    Rick Brauer or just call me - Mr B

    http://www.riseadventures.org

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by abcboys
    If he is depressed at all he is not showing any signs. I am living right here with him and neither me nor my husband have noticed any changes in him.
    Last night I'm sitting here at the computer and he asks me to pop him a bag of popcorn. Now, our microwave does sit up a little high. It's a little over 4 1/2ft. but I even sat in a chair by there and I was able to reach the microwave and the buttons but instead of trying just to do it himself he calls me in there. I would even care if he just ATTEMPTED to do these things before calling me to do them (like the microwave and laundry)
    HELLO? If you got up and popped the popcorn I really don't feel sorry for you.

  3. #23
    im t12 and i do everything around the house you just have to put your mind to it and do it...

  4. #24
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    I am a T8 at home mom that does the laundry with regular(washer is not a front loader) machines. I cook, clean (do get help with some) drive, etc. I found early on in my injury that when I wasn't being independent that I felt more depressed. With his trunk control and transfer ease, there is no reason he cannot do it. I have to say you need tough love here.

  5. #25
    He is of regular height and weight. About 5'10" 5'11" 180 or so pounds. He has been divorced for about 3 years. He came to live at our house right after he got divorced. We have a basement apartment at our house and that is where he has lived for almost 3 years until his accident. Of course he can't get down there now so he is upstairs for now.

    He just got a motorized scooter so he can get around town. Go to the store or get something to eat. He doesn't drive yet, so I can understand that. He uses a regular wheelchair here in the house.

    I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. It's just nice that I can have a place to go here and vent my frustrations to strangers who won't make me feel guilty about the situation. I'm hoping with time things will get back to normal. He is suppossed to be ordering a lift to get him back into the basement and back to the way things were before.

  6. #26
    Carrying plates of food is dicey, I'll admit. I try to avoid it. My dog is too fat already! Re the rest, I was doing it at c5-6 before I got home from rehab. I have a lap tray I use constantly to carry hot coffee, empty glasses to the kitchen, etc. It's just a pretty tray from Target, such as you might throw keys or mail in in your entryway. It needs to have a rim so any spills won't burn his legs. Some dycem non-slip fabric on it will help prevent spills as well. It is a bit expensive so you can cut it up and use it in various applications.

    Can he get into the laundry room in his chair? He can DEFINITELY fold/hang his clothes. May need the closet bar lowered to get them hung up.

    I had a dowel rod w/ a hook on the end, called a dressing stick. It enabled me to fish the wet clothes out of the top-loader washer in rehab. Available for less than $10. I actually have more trouble accessing my home's front loader; the door opens on the wrong side. Of course!

    When he asks for popcorn, say I want to see if you can do it yourself first. If not, maybe we can figure out a way. When you move out, you might want popcorn! He'll need the lap tray here again, to carry hot popcorn without burning himself.

    A reacher/grabber might really help w. things like this. He can reach anything in the cabinets with it. Great for grocery shopping, getting stuff out of the fridge.

    Great that the scooter lets him entertain his kids.

    If he went to rehab at the VA, he'd never have to ask you for another thing. (hint hint) I came home from rehab with the gadgets linked above.

    We excel at these kinds of problems, feel free to ask. But make him get off his ass! You're doing him no favors, hurting him actually, by allowing him to be dependent. What if, say, you need an emergency appendectomy? Your kids will need to be cared for by their Dad, and bro-in-law will be wallering around in dirty clothes. With no popcorn!

  7. #27
    im T-5/6 complete for 4 years now. the first six months home for me were hard, prolly hardier for my wife though. theres no reason he cant do for himself unless hes in alot of pain. i do things now i thought i could never do, i wash and fold clothes, wash dishes, cook, mow the grass, change the oil in my car and truck, load my handcycle into back of my truck and go for a ride, in which my wife doesnt like to much, but she gave up because i would just wait till she went to work and then go anyway. i cant sit up on the side of my bed without holding on to something, no balance what so ever. i learned more from a guy who vol. at the rehab i went to than any therapist. when i have a problem i just give him a call and he gives me suggestions, its trail and error though. sorry so long, but its sounds like he needs some tough love.

  8. #28
    Previous related threads for this situation and family:

    http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/showthread.php?t=104027

    http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/showthread.php?t=105072

    Suggest you do some reading about enabling behavior. You and your husband have it down-pat.

    (KLD)

  9. #29
    Senior Member Doorman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abcboys
    I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. It's just nice that I can have a place to go here and vent my frustrations to strangers who won't make me feel guilty about the situation.
    I don't feel sorry for you at all you have been told at least 3 times now not to do it and you keep doing it. He is like a junky and you keep giving him the drugs, don't whine here anymore.

  10. #30
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    Oh yeah, he is milking this for all it's worth. I am a C5/6 quad and live mostly independently. I can fold my laundry and I certainly can put it away. Jeeze, at t-12 he should be not only doing his own thing but maybe helping you out with household chores too as a thank you for the housing. I don't even know him and I want to light a stick of dynamite under him.

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