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Thread: So are you/they able to do?

  1. #91
    He needs to watch the Tony Robbins Breakthrough show that was on the other night. Sounds to me like he is feeling sorry for himself and most likely has a lot of fear. He has become isolated as part of his "pity party" or fear of failure.

    I do want to thank you for posting all of your questions and venting about all of this. My son is a T4, he is a teenager so naturally manipulative, demanding and in his own world. Everyday I ask myself if I am doing too much or not enough. I have learned so much from this thread.

  2. #92
    That's funny, I DID watch that Tony Robbins show the other night! I even commented to hubbby that his brother needed to watch it. I said even that man was a quadriplegic so stuff was going to be naturally harder than for BIL and even he was able to get a truck and drive. I really wished he could have watched it.

  3. #93
    Senior Member canuck's Avatar
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    It's plain and simple stop doing stuff for him that he's perfectly capable of doing on his own.

  4. #94
    Canuck- it's more than that, though. It's him living again. Driving again. Taking his kids out. I took his kids to the park the other day b/c I felt sorry that they never got to go anywhere or do anything fun for the 2-3 weeks they were here except go to church and that is it.

    It's him stop relying on everybody to give him a ride places. Making both DH and I take 2 different vehicles when we drive to his parents house. I just hate to rely on people to do stuff when I could do it myself even if its harder. My case...I hate to ask people to watch my kids. I hate to bug people about it. I only ask in rare cases. Sure its much easier to go to an appt or something without them but I do what I have to do. It does not bother him in the least to have people cheuffer him around or do errands he could do himself if he would start driving.

  5. #95
    Senior Member canuck's Avatar
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    I was thinking if he's forced to do more on his own it will make him think about other things he can do.

  6. #96
    Maybe you and your brother-in-law would benefit from reading this thread that was started in 2004 and has been added to from time to time.
    Copy this reference and paste it in the search box at the top/right of the Home page or any other page you are on.
    SCI T12 ( 1 2 3 ... Last Page)
    MikeC

    I can understand your reluctance to act because you feel that this is your husband's brother you don't have the power, and it sounds from the 3 threads you have started on this topic that your husband lacks the strength to confront his brother. Many family members feel guilty about someone in the family having a severe illness or injury. This guilt comes from a feeling of "it should have been me" or "there but for the grace of god go I." But, you need to talk with your husband and get this worked out. This situation is going to eat you alive and destroy YOUR family in time. Try drawing up a list of demands and goals for your BIL. Present these to your husband and if he won't do it alone, offer to have a group meeting you, husband and BIL and tell him you expect him to back you up on this. I suspect that this BIL wasn't the much different before he was injured. Now, he thinks he has an excuse.

    I haven't read every post on these threads and I must have missed what your BIL did before he was injured (you said he worked for Toyota, but doing what?) and age?

    I am sincerely hoping that your 3rd year report won't be more of the same. This is not a good situation for any of you, least of all your children, who are not seeing good examples set by any of you.

    Dear abcboys, good luck!!
    All the best,
    NL

  7. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by canuck View Post
    I was thinking if he's forced to do more on his own it will make him think about other things he can do.
    Exactly. I was pretty much held captive by concerned, overly protective family for awhile. The best thing I did was force them to leave me alone.

    The shoe is on the other foot for you & your bil. You've gotta leave him alone, well not technically ,but hold back so he can fly again. Easier said than done. Be supportive but he has to learn to live again.

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