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Thread: The mistakes I made...

  1. #11
    Lilsis..."What if the hokey-pokey is what it's all about?" LMAO...ROFL...thanks.

    Can I use that as my signature for a while?

    X, are you a middle child? Because middle kids do that, I'm It in my family. They'll eat you alive, girl.

    I don't think I'd try to shelter my parents. They're probably thinking wtf, all the tension they can feel and nobody telling them anything. I doubt it would shock them to find that their kids don't get along. They're old, not babies...deserving of respect and confidence imo. I know your intentions are pure, trying to protect them, but I wouldn't. As far as trying to protect your mom from the Bad Seed (let's call her BS) and any sort of physical jeopardy, by all means I would do that. If she is mentally competent, I think I would explain to my mother what I was doing and why. Rest assured, BS is filling her ear with all the bad things you've ever done since birth.

    This advice is wisdom born of having my ass bitten repeatedly for trying to do the right thing.

    The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions!!!

    C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

  2. #12
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    Sure Beth, take and use away, my husband saw it on a bumper sticker, and I loved it. The Hokey-Pokey, as good as any other answer.

  3. #13
    Guest
    i have lots i'd like to say but i burned my hand tonight and am not talented enough to type well, with 1 hand, at least not the lengthy posts i like to make!

    so for now i will just say you guys are great!

    (note to self: when picking up hot casserole dish lid, use pot holder! )

  4. #14
    Guest
    Originally posted by Shabu:
    I had to laugh, I am so layed back I can hardly get out of my own way. I just practice. I can't be perfect housekeeper anymore.

    Shabu, were you born with this quality or is it something you taught yourself? This is what I would like to be. I am much more calm than I used to be. I used to run everywhere I went, like a little kid. I learned that if I slowed down, I got a lot more done. STILL, I am not THERE yet. How do you do it? As for the housework, I'm accepting that too. I can't be perfect and I can't afford help (also I'd be too embarrassed for someone TO help during the times I need help most! ). But, where do you find your laid-backness? You have way more to do than I.

    And I'm sorry about the insurance. What a bummer.

  5. #15
    Guest
    Originally posted by lilsister:

    X-do you mean to say that life is supposed to make sense? That people are supposed to get along, especially family? WTF?
    Now, let's all be good and take a toke....doesn't that feel better? What if the Hocky-Pockey IS what it's all about?
    lilsister, I think that is one of my problems. I try to make sense of things and people that just DON'T make sense. This weekend, trying to solve some of the problems in my nutty family, I've had to really work on this. Instead of being the straight talking person I like to think I am, I've had to resort to "The when in Rome" theory! To get what is best for my mom (not letting my psycho sister take her to her home anymore) I've had to behave like these "Romans"...manipulate, cajole, feign concern for the welfare and fair treatment of these two evil sisters I could care LESS about! Trying to just lay it on the line..."this is not good for Mama"...does not work. What you said.."do you mean life is supposed to make sense?"..makes PERFECT sense to me. As long as I can remember the logical and normal approach is not going to always work, I think I can move mountains here. Wow, it's exhausting though.

    As for the toke...I'm ready...I need it...roll 'er up!!

  6. #16
    Guest
    Originally posted by Betheny:

    X, are you a middle child? Because middle kids do that, I'm It in my family. They'll eat you alive, girl.

    I don't think I'd try to shelter my parents. They're probably thinking wtf, all the tension they can feel and nobody telling them anything. As far as trying to protect your mom from the Bad Seed (let's call her BS) and any sort of physical jeopardy, by all means I would do that. If she is mentally competent, I think I would explain to my mother what I was doing and why. Rest assured, BS is filling her ear with all the bad things you've ever done since birth.

    This advice is wisdom born of having my ass bitten repeatedly for trying to do the right thing.

    _The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions!!!_
    Betheny I am the youngest of four girls I have always been the peace keeper..was the peace keeper that is...in my family for, well always. Always the little monkey when I was a kid to diffuse the anger or make the sad person smile. I have no idea WHY I landed in or chose that roll, whichever way I ended up in it. The problems started when I DARED to think my eldest sister's idea of how my parent's should be cared for were not conducive to my husband's health. And the truth was and is, she has more time to care for our folks than I do. She has no kids, her husband is healthy, and since her husband is healthy really all she has to do besides go to work, is clean the house. Her life is charmed from where I stand! I have to do most of everything here, plus work, plus take care of Ray when he needs me. And I'm not complaining. That's what they don't GET! I love my husband, I have a wonderful life. We do very well to handle things on our own without help from anyone. We are blessed in that way. Other than every now and then getting a couple of guy friends to come move something big and heavy. But, as you all know, just LIVING with an SCI is time consuming, even more so when there is bad health and pain involved. My two evil sisters think my life should not be any different just because Ray's is. I wonder who they think will take care of him when he needs help, if not me? They have never once offered. Only complain about what I DON'T do for our parents!

    Your right, Beth. Protecting my parents was a mistake. It's too late though. It's been done and the only thing I can do is stop from this moment on. My dad is the type that just doesn't want to know the negative. Yes, the road to hell IS paved with good intentions...and it's definitely hell!! I think it did and didn't shock...like they had an unspoken idea... my parents to find out the four of us don't get along...and the worse part is that Daddy thinks there has been this big fight going on for years. No, no fight until recently, just me and my one good sister taking the abuse of the other two to keep the peace and protect mom and dad. MISTAKE!!!! If we'd "duked it out" years ago, it would all be settled and be in the past by now. Yes, like you said, they have been filling my dad's ears with all our evil ways while we were silent. I have a BIG mouth! Why didn't I USE IT?!

    BS= Bad Seed....hmmmm...I like the BS part, but in my world it will stand for something much worse than Bad Seed....things that have the initials BS...but, words that are much worse than Bad and Seed!


    I think we just about have it worked out so that Mama will no longer be with BS, but with me, my sis or another family member when needed. Which is every weekend for now. To give my dad a break while he recovers from his recent illness...mom has Parkinson's and dementia. It's still not set in stone. Daddy has to put his stamp of approval on it. See, BS and the other evil are his favorites (not jealous, it's just the truth) and so he does not see their evil ways and makes excuses for them when he does. But, now it's gone too far...BS was rough physically and verbally with my mom and I will not stand for that. I'm for now, going the gentle path to get mama away from her, but I will play hard ball and get legal assistance if I have to.

    Thanks everyone...cyber hugs for everybody!!

  7. #17
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Okay .... assume the position all ..... phhhfffttt ...... awwwwwwwwwww........ much better

    Carol I just don't know ... Beth has given you some really good advice I think !! I'm famous too for the good intentions philosophy but I also believe in Karma and your sisters are in for a hell of a ride at some point ..... all things considered you're the one who has to live with yourself and I'm getting the feeling you wouldn't trade your life or be anyone else for anything in spite of it all (not even the sis with no kids ) ........ how lucky is that ........ not everyone feels that way about their lives you are blessed!!

    That having been said ... its clear to all of us here you are one very special person .... I hope your man appreciates you as you deserve ... you inspire me !!


    Beth said :
    Lilsis..."What if the hokey-pokey is what it's all about?" LMAO...ROFL...thanks.
    Me too Beth lmao!!!

    I just love this place sometimes!! Take care everyone!
    Obieone

  8. #18
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    Hmmmmmm. It definitely isn't something I was born with. As a young woman, child, I had spastic colon, spastic stomach, migraine headaches. I was on tranquilizers very early in life. Finally I went to a doctor who looked me square in the eye and said, "If you don't get it together you will have a colostomy before you are 18. It was strange, something just clicked.

    I have to practice positive thinking. I have books like When Things Fall Apart, Life Is An Attitude, etc. that while seldom opened are close by. Am sure you have seen this one here before, detachment. I just detach myself from - hard to find just one word- probably most everything. I take time to be alone, breathe. I have learned I have absolutely no control over others or their actions. I am still.

    HAAAaaa. I just told my husband what I was trying to write and he said, oh just tell her you smoke pot. I don't but loved his wit. I have learned that when he is outside to stay inside. If I walk out the door he can see 1000 things that need doing.

    About the insurance, I received a letter today regarding COBRA. $365 for one person and then of course kept climbing. Probably not going to be in my price range. We can't afford outside hep either. And like you, I feel like I would have to clean before they got here.

    We met a young man who is a resource manager for disabled people. He too is a quad. He will be visiting us tomorrow and give us some ideas of what is available in terms of assistance.

    Actually my son compliments me (or so he says) by calling me a freak and the bomb. My daughter thinks I am awesome. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, Rebel til the day I die. So guess I am not always mellow.

  9. #19
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Shabu ..... oh yes you had to have been born with it - but of course didn't need to call on that particular aspect of your personality until it was "essential" to your survival ... sort of like going on auto pilot when we aren't even completely aware of the situation we are in (until its over) and then we say - how did I do that???? !!! What do you think ? ....

    You have reminded me again about something I've been forgeting to do lately .... breathe ..... thanks

    Obieone

  10. #20
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    Shabu, I think I have found your secret:

    I have to practice positive thinking. I have books like When Things Fall Apart, Life Is An Attitude, etc. that while seldom opened are close by. Am sure you have seen this one here before, detachment. I just detach myself from - hard to find just one word- probably most everything. I take time to be alone, breathe. I have learned I have absolutely no control over others or their actions. I am still.
    PLUS++++

    Actually my son compliments me (or so he says) by calling me a freak and the bomb. My daughter thinks I am awesome. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, Rebel til the day I die. So guess I am not always mellow.
    Equals====BALANCE

    Mix in a dash of witty husband and you have achieved a state of nirvana.

    I too one day will be balanced. The Universe will keep throwing lessons at me until I give in and learn it! I WANT it though! I want to be that calm person that just makes you feel good to be around. I have just received a note from my sister confirming that YES, my dad is going to let us take over our Mama on weekends and get her away from BS. BS says she still wants to help some too, but if she offers I will just tell her why doesn't she just see Mama and Daddy at their house during the week sometime and keep her weekends freed up for her kids summer activities. HE asked her did she still want to help, and so of course she said YES...what else could she say without looking like a selfish ass? But, I know her and she won't be itchin' to have Mama all to herself...she was only doing this weekend with Mama thing for DADDY's sake, so HE could rest. Not because she cares to spend alone time with my mom, who has many challenges. So....I think it's safe for me to say....MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!! Thank you all so much!! Cyber hugs and tokes for everyone!!

    Peace! Carol

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