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Thread: Is it always going to be this way?

  1. #11
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Aug 2001
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    Manitoba,Canada
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    5,630
    Hi Farm Mom!

    I've been wanting to reply sooner but I've been mucking around in a quagmuir of my own of late so I've not had much spare time!! I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless/helpless. It's my spouse who is sci and his level is much lower than your son's but my husband is 56 years old (also over 6 feet tall and a big guy) and his age complicates much of the so-called "normal" sci baggage that comes with the injury. As a mother of 4 myself my heart breaks for all Moms who must face what you all face with your children! I don't know how well I would cope - and without knowing more about your particular situation I would not presume to give you any advice - all I can offer is encouragement .... you have been offered some words here that I hope you will take to heart from those who know better than I. I know if you can hang here long enough you will get to know others in situations much like your own who have watched their kids struggle and seem to have come out the other side (and many who continue to struggle).

    This is what I have learned from CareCure since coming here for over 5 years now ...each situation and injury is completely unique to that individual and family!! You can read about others experiences here in Caregiving, the upcoming treatments etc.in Cure , trade a recipe, talk about sex and relationships, religion .... simply share in the community of life in general as an sci family - then apply some of what you learn to your own situation. I know that in time you will see how valuable a place CC is and how fortunate we are to have this "Sanctuary"! We live in a very rural area as well (adds to the problems tremendously I know) without CC I would feel completely isolated .... its lifted me up, educated me, made me laugh and even given me a good boot in the rear end when I've needed it - I've made some very good friends here!!!

    Try to stay strong and come here and vent - and share with us as much and as often as you feel the need!! It can be a very healing place !

    Obieone
    P.S. One piece of advice I will offer .... don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it - don't wait until you don't have a choice! Remember we are all part of the "family of man" ....

    [This message was edited by Obieone on 03-18-04 at 10:33 AM.]

  2. #12
    Senior Member Clipper's Avatar
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    Aug 2001
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
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    1,516
    farm mom,

    I can put you in touch with my mom if you'd like. My e-mail:

    aircraftace@yahoo.com

  3. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    236
    I would have to say that none of us would of believed that we would be where we are right now..you just dont think that something like this will ever happen to me.We have a choice to sit and do nothing with are life or we can move on and make a life with the tools we have.
    If he wants to push people away and lock himself inside four walls he has made up his mind that his life and his dreams have been crushed.
    The only thing you can do is try to show him there is a life out there for him and after taking him down that path he wont respond then you should get on with your life..just because he gave up on his dreams dont mean that you have to give up on yours.
    You said he needs alot of care but i beat if he tried a little harder he could do alot of them things himself.Force him to fend for himself and i beat if you push him in that direction he might surprise you.

  4. #14
    Member
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    Dec 2001
    Location
    Post Falls, Idaho
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    61
    Hi Farm Mom,
    I know that each persons situation is different,but I would like to share a memory with you...the day my husbands doctor poured cold water all over our dream of my husband ever walking again. My husband is a T-4 para hurt in an oil rig accident at the age of 29 yrs. old..7 years ago. We were just newly married (4 yrs ago) and we went to his doctor to find out what we could do about the problem of my husbands right leg starting to pull up and get shorter than his left..would physical thearpy help? Well the doctor told us that agressive physical thearpy could actually do more harm than good..and snap a bone..and besides, added the doctor, "Whats the big deal if one leg is shorter? You arent getting out of that wheelchair"....WHOA!! The was so hard to hear! The doc explained about nerves dying, etc. and it was so unreal...we drove home 30 miles in bummed out silence...at first I was kinda mad at the doctor..but then I realized he was dealing with facts and not hopes and dreams...still it hurt..that was 4 years ago, and believe or not, today we laugh about our shocked reaction, and we can laugh at the way the doctor just came out with it...but that is still a moment in time we will never forget....be strong and god bless you and your son...

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