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Thread: Running out of things to say??

  1. #1
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Running out of things to say??

    Once in awhile Bill has said he just wants this "all to be over"! I then proceed to remind him how much we all need him etc. etc. ..... {sigh} ...I feel sometimes like I might be patrionizing him and wonder how I might feel in his shoes. After all he's lying in the hospital with a bag to pee in, a bag to poop in and a couple of pressure sores that are causing alot of grief - it's hard to find the positives here! He is getting great care - we even got him "the ultimate KCI pressure relieving mattress thingee" (pretty good for a rural hospital) but man - we have been trying to get better since last May - we are running out of steam. Any words of wisdom?????

  2. #2
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    Obie, Whew, that is so hard to hear- My other brother begged for release before he died a long, painful death. I got to where we would just cry and hug for a while. I couldn't be the one, although I did physically restrain nursing personnel from resusitation when he coded- they 'forgot' he was a no code. You have to listen to their pain but it's hard. Does he say this all the time or only when physical problems mount up? If it is occassional I think it fair to remind him that improvement, although slow, could change the outlook without discounting his feelings. Also, maybe he needs reassurance that you want him and need him, he could feel like a drain on family. Please know that I am sending many, many good thoughts your way and hope you guys get out of the 'valley' into the sunshine. Hang on, Obie, we are with you in our spirits. Debra

  3. #3
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    The first two years after my husband had his accident that left him a quad, he begged EVERY DAY

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    The first two years after my husband had his accident that left him a quad, he begged EVERY DAY to die. He was hospitalized from August to December. He had the opportunity to go to TIRR, and within the first day or two, he wanted to go home and they wanted him to go home. I finally got tired of seeing him cry and begging me to let him go, and hearing him say if you love me you will let me go- I said OK. I am tired. I contacted the Hemlock Society and a group in Switzerland that take Americans. He was accepted. That was all it took, he quit saying it. I felt like I was swimming with a rock around my neck.

  5. #5
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Thanks Deb for the encouraging words.... it's only when things sort of spin out of control that we deal with this issue .... we are cruisin' at the moment .... all is right with the world .... for now .....

  6. #6
    Senior Member teesieme's Avatar
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    My son finally cried one day and questioned about living in a chair the rest of his life. I know this came from his own fears, hurts and losses but it also came from his wondering how others will handle and deal with it/him...A few years prior, he (again) lost a best friend to death. I don't know if this was the right question he needed for me to ask, but I asked him this: If you could have Travis back going through what you are and here on earth with you, would you want it? Would you think he was better off otherwise or would you be showing him he isn't alone, learning with him as he heals and continues to live life to it's fullest (chair or no chair someday), be honest with yourself son. And would YOU be there for him even so?
    His answer was to have his friend back, because he would still be Travis.
    And I hope Obieone that you two keep cruisin' towards better days. That would be very hard to hear...

  7. #7
    be patient, and think that the cure is in the next corner.

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