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Thread: Ready to give up!!!!!!!!!!!

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Woodstock,GA USA

    Ready to give up!!!!!!!!!!!

    Have any of you ever just wanted to give up? I realize one can't really give up, but at times it is tempting. But I know that I married my dh for good times and bad times, in sickness and in health. Believe me last year and now so far this yr things have been bad. The worse thing about it I guess is the fact no one can seem to find out what is causing the excessive spasms, and the other times the spasms are fine but my dh is completely out of this world.
    I've had to chose working, going to school and taking care of dh. I am caring for him and trying to attend LPN school. I need the school because it will help me better care for him, money wise and knowledge. When I married my dh, I knew that he was in a w/c and that he would be sick, but things really don't hit you until he just stays sick with the problems he has been having. I do find my love growing stronger. But at the same time I miss his independents he once had, the energy. Now he becomes even more depressed. When he isn't depressed, he becomes angry easier. But he does apologize for his actions. Well, I guess that is all for now. Thanks for listening. Paula

  2. #2
    I understand exactly where you are coming from....We arent married, but I am living with my boyfriend, and sometimes it just gets so damn frustrating...(and its good to vent here, it always has helped me) I also always realize that usually the reason why I am so frustrated is because I love him so much and its hard to see the pain, frustration, exaustion, or whatever on his face day in and day out. I wish things were easier for him, but at the same time we appreciate things more because of the work put into them.

    I had been having a really hard time of things for a while...He has been having uti problems like crazy. Stupid doctor issues. The pain has been worse and things like that. It all started to get to me. I was thinking, gosh..I dont need to put myself thru this emotional craziness, but all of a sudden I came out of my frustration...for now ...and realized that if I didnt love him so much, things wouldnt bother me as much as they do, and for some reason that gave me comfort <shrug>

    I applaud you for doing the school thing, the work thing, and the home thing...I have a hard time juggling just home and work. He is a para and mostly independant, but most of the chores and misc other things are my responsibility, Dont get me wrong, he does his fair share....there are just things that are just easier for me to do myself. Im sure you all know how it is. But I am rambling now...sorry

    I hope this helps a little...sometimes it helps to hear that someone else is feeling the same way...and although I am new to all of this, it hits hard all the same sometimes.

  3. #3
    Can I suggest one thing...get those dh´s of yours to somehow get involved on these forums. Even if they are lurkers, they can get new insights on what is going on with themselves and how to handle there situations much better. The amount of excellent advice and hope and just plain good people on this site make it literally the worlds best sci community in the world. This may help with those depression issues that can throw a cloud over any relationship. If some of those care receivers would just read what care givers are going through, I´m sure many an attitude would change for the better. My 2 cents.

    "So I have stayed as I am, without regret, seperated from the normal human condition." Guy Sajer

  4. #4
    Paula - What Mike said!

    I think you're at a low point right now with all the stress of the pump stuff going on; and we all know how an extra load of stress can affect our emotions!

    I think you are a marvelous, loving partner, and that this is one of those times when you just have to put your head down and plow through it til you get to the other side.

    (((HUGS)))) Jackie

    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  5. #5
    please don't ever give up he must be having a terrible time with this I for one know you get depressed but do try to get him to get on here it has done alot for me ,made me understand alot of people have a worse time of it than me my wife kinda get's mad at me for being on this so much when I'm at home but I can relate to evryone here!!! It's a thing like you don't really know how it is untill your there, see I can't understand truly what you go through but I can sympathise with you I know sometimes I give my wife a haard time and I am very apolgetic about it. But I think it just goes along with trying to be able to cope with it Alot of people here I'll say most are better at coping than I am, but this is helping some seem like it doesn't bother them at all but your man may be like me, I just have not come to grips with this new life yet and i'm not sure I ever will But I wish you the best of Luck

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    kenmore wa
    I know exactly how you feel. When those feelings come they are really overwhelming. If this board wasn't here and if I couldn't see that I am not alone and going out of my mind I don't know what I would do. I can't talk to family about it because I feel like it would be disloyal to my spouse. To most people it seems like the sci and the person are the same--when really what is overwhelming is dealing with the effects of the sci life. Fortunately all you people are out there and understand and I thank you for being brave enough to talk about how you feel, I am just sorry that we all have to go through all this. All I can do is send you my good thoughts. I will be thinking of you.

  7. #7
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    I too share all the feelings you have described...and at the moment am feeling especially guilty because Bill is back in the hospital for the third time this year and what I 'm feeling is a certain amount of relief because it feels like such a large burden has been lifted (if only for the moment)!! We we're getting homecare etc. and I did some of the nursing care myself but things simply got out of control and "I" made the decision to take him to the hospital!!

    Please understand I love him very much, we have been married for over 25 years and have 4 kids together.... I have the very same feelings you describe Ms Scarlett about having to bear witness to his struggles and pain....and you too Marie about coming to this site to unload .... I thank the heavens above for this place.... the Sanctuary.....

    P.S. Besides there are great rocks to hide under here and this virtual pipe thingee (note the Acid phrase) we occasionally share (hehehe).... right Marm???

    Love to you all and stay strong!!!

  8. #8
    Jman and all,
    Thank GOD we are past the darkest part of winter!!! I have been feeling all the same things you and others have posted. I agree, it's mostly bearing witness to the struggle with SCI that gets me down. We breath it in with every breath. There is no way around that. I notice that my bf gets so caught up in his issues (bm, bladder, pain), that he sometimes does not realise that this is happening to me as well. Sometimes all it takes is for me to remind him of that and all is better, if not 'well'.
    I find that I get so stuck in the role of 'caring' that I don't do my PRIMARY job. Which is take care of myself.
    Not that it's ever easy to bring up but, it's hard on everyone who lives with the seeming 'disaster' of SCI.
    I told my bf this weekend that sometimes I feel like all I am is a 'medication aide'. Plus a lot of other stuff that isn't necessary to share. But, the point I want to make is... After we spent the time talking, we both felt better. He could tell that I was 'down' but, I couldn't muster the courage to approach him. It's so true about how humans only change when they get miserable enough with the status quo. I guess I finally was miserable enought to let go of my perception of the situation. I have to remember that my commitment to him is still as strong as it ever has been. I love him, love him, love him. period. SCI sucks. It's hard to keep them separate but, THEY ARE. That would be my advice to you. Remember why you married him. Make a list or something for when you get to the place you are now. Or just sit down and think about that stuff. Don't think about the SCI and focus on the person.
    Later that day we were getting ready to go run some errands and he stops to kiss me and says, 'I love you, Medicine Woman.' and gives me one of his smiles. Made my afternoon. THAT is the guy I fell in love with. The one who takes my silly, paltry impression of 'medication aide' and morphs it into something significant and spiritual like... 'Medicine Woman'. I plan to stick around for a long while.
    hang on and hang in there,

    We are all faced with a series of great opportunities... Brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.

  9. #9
    Medicine Woman - I like it!

    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  10. #10
    I have been calling my wife Medicine Woman for some time now..ever since she finished school and is now a physical therapist. I plan on sending her to medical school to make it official though!

    "So I have stayed as I am, without regret, seperated from the normal human condition." Guy Sajer

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