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Thread: Oh, my....looking back

  1. #1
    Senior Member Jesse's Mom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Winthrop, MN, USA

    Oh, my....looking back

    Sitting here reading different posts, I was all of a sudden drawn back to the days in the hospital in Minneapolis and then at Houston. The nurses, doctors, meetings, the tubes, the monitors, and beeps. The late nights, the turning, therapy, learning, classes, emergencies, questions, God, am I glad it is the one year anniversary of Jesse's accident. I think I would rather die tonight than go through all of that again.

    Although it was all frightening, especially the 8 hours of surgery, the time I remember in my mind (outside of the first hour ) for us was sitting in that little room waiting for the Chief to come in and tell us what he had to say about Jesse's future.

  2. #2
    It must be rough having the annversary this time of year but you should be proud of yourself, and Jesse for how far you've came. I was having similar thoghts this Christmas (I got out of rehan Dec. 20, 2001). I would never have thought that 2 years later I'd be where I am now (as good as married, in my own home with a sweet baby girl).

    "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"
    ~ Anon

  3. #3
    Jesse's mom - hugs to you. Even after 5 years, the memories of some of those first days bring tears to my eyes. And I still get a hollow feeling in my stomach when I hear an ambulance siren. I promise, it will get better, tho; you'll be able to go through the day with less and less of those memories intruding, and be able to find a little sunshine again.

    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  4. #4
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Texas hallelujah!
    Jesse's Mom -- I know how hard these anniversaries are -- especially the first one. The first year truly is the worst. The adjustments, the careful feeling out of each other and everyone else over roles and attitudes and perceptions for the future, the physical and emotional changes (problems?)and challenges. But in many cases including ours, things truly did improve dramatically after the first year. I hope and pray that is the case with your son and hence with you and the family. Warmest wishes for a Happier, Healthier New Year.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    CA, USA
    Hi Jesse's Mom - At almost two years from Chris' injury the memories for me also come flooding back. I don't let myself dwell on the past very much because it is so painful but when I let myself think of that nightmare of a time the tears and emotions are just as fresh as if it just happened. Maybe that is because I have not had a way to "process" them. But how is that done. I do tend to just read the posts here and cry for you. I don't post much because I get embarrassed afterwards that I sound whiny and a complainer. The couple of family members that I try to talk to get irritated with me if it is not all sunny.

    I mostly remember the night I got the call that Chris had broke his neck. The 45 min drive to the hospital, alone, trying not to crash myself, trying to stay aware as I screamed and drove, not knowing whaat had happened, if he would be alive when I got there.

    Anyway, year two has definately been better than year one. I'm grateful for the life we are building but the tears still come every day.

    My love to you.

  6. #6
    This topic is being moved over to the 'Caregiving forum' after permission from Jesse's Mom, the topic starter.

    I felt that the discussion was more appropriate for 'caregivers', rather than 'life'. Hope everyone joins in - We all have memories;do you feel that as time goes on, you're able to 'deal' with them better?

    Chris'Mom, please feel free to join in here and whine and complain as much as you want! This is the one place where no one is going to get 'irritated' at you if everything is not sunny! We're about sharing, and holding each other up, giving high 5's, and we've even been known to pass a virtual pipe now and then!

    Two years is still early - even tho it may seem a lifetime to you. You're still trying to cope with shock, and grief, and anger, in the midst of trying to cope with life, get an education about SCI and care and cure; it IS overwhelming, and there's nothing wrong with being overwhelmed!

    I so wish I had had a place like this to come to right after Matt's accident; I was alone, with my wonderful hubbie, and we felt like we were stranded on an emotional island, with no one to turn to.

    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

    [This message was edited by Marmalady on 12-28-03 at 10:07 AM.]

    [This message was edited by Marmalady on 12-28-03 at 10:10 AM.]

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Broaddus, Texas
    I just feel sure I have written this before. My husband and I, ages 55 and 54 at the time- had just retired and moved from WA to Texas. Two months after moving I made a trip back to WA. I had put my new cell phone # is my husbands wallet. I was there two days when the call came. It was the Trauma center at LSU. They said, "Your husband was in a terrible, terrible, terrible accident." My daughter and I went straight to the airport and flew back. The first two years- EVERY DAY-he cried and begged to die. I felt like I was 1000 years old- kind of like today. Here I am, no family, 10 miles in the woods, 55 miles from the doctor or hospital with him and my disabled mom. I did place her as I just couldn't take care of both of them. It does get better. I concentrate on today. If I think too much a kind of hysteria takes over my body inside. I too try not to say much but it is true this board has been a lifesaver. Literally.

  8. #8
    Senior Member teesieme's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    back home in mn.
    Every night I think about that day. It wasn't but ten minutes earlier that I had decided it was going to be a "do things right or divorce" after my son graduated that week. I had had it with my marriage of procrastination and what have you, the battle would begin once the kid moved out as planned. Wrong. Yep, I remember my own legs giving out as I tried to run to the truck to follow the helicopter as fast as I dared too. And wondering if he would still be alive when we got there...I cry now as I am sure you all do. I think about the day before graduation, five days later as my son tried to sit up for the first time to be graduated in the hospital and how he couldn't do it, and how the tears flowed out of his eyes as his friends came into the room to graduate him there instead of the lunch room that had been decorated, etc. And how they cried too. And how my husband, his step dad cried. Ah, the hurt in so very many ways for each of us. And then I think about how far he has come, and remember how close I was to losing him. We share a common bond as caregivers, we not only share the pain and loss our loved ones endure, we have our own to live/deal with... thank you for being here for me.

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