Originally posted by Suzanne Poon:

Hi Jesse's mom,

Are you feeling better and stronger now? I would like to share a few points in addition to all genuine advice you have received previously.

Since my son's injury, I always capture the belief in "destiny" that it cannot be altered and we can only accept it peacefully with no regrets, but we must vow not to be defeated by it whenever we are in time of adversity.

I remember the first person who was capable of easing part of my unforgettable pain was my daughter. On the third day from my son's injury (Richard 16 yrs, T12, 22.3.02, fall from ski jump) I asked my daughter, apparently she looked quite calm, "Are you OK?" "As long as he can still smile at me, talk to me, communicate with me with perfect sense... I'm totally fine!" replied my intelligent Rachel (15 yrs). The second person who could also ease my pain was my lovable youngest son, Roderick (13 yrs), saying, "Mom, you don't have to blame yourself so hard, even when you have always reminded us not to do this and that, we won't listen, we're always doing things behind your back!"

However, no matter how tirelessly people around me were trying to comfort and encourage me day after day, I knew I was the only one who could truly cope with this unmanageable task, and to drag myself out from this horrifying nightmare. How did I comfort and encourage myself? Let's look at the tragedy from this angle. There are numerous accidents happening every minute in every corner of the world, you may be unlucky enough to lose you loved ones instantly on the spot, no matter who you are and where you're from, for example 9.11. As we know SCI injuries can be fatal since they mostly result from violent acts, e.g. violet impact from car accidents, violent falls from various activities, gun shots etc... The story may end like preparing for and attending a funeral and, thereafter, miserable memories are the only things left for the rest of our lives. Now that your beloved child is still around, waiting for you to tuck him in every night and offering you the sweetest kisses and most precious hugs ever. Even though what happened is cruel enough, the truth is I still possess and am in charge of the time to be with him, to take care of him and most of all to share life with him, so I am more than contented.

I can understand that the whole of you is filled with tears, the same as everybody else is, but please learn to subside your emotions and feelings by diversifying your attention onto the hope of recovery and fight for it with all your might. That's the way which keeps me going and that's why I signed up for this forum as well.

Lastly, I feel fortunate in and grateful to my supportive husband and, the key person above all is, my son Richard who is fueled with invincible courage, and the fact that recently he has accelerated his studies with full speed is the best gift for me since his injury.

Warm regards
Suzanne

[This message was edited by Suzanne Poon on 11-15-03 at 10:50 AM.]
Usually, I'm just a spectator here...craving the encouraging words I find from other mothers to help get me through my day. Pretty much thats how life feels in general right now. Like I'm a spectator while the rest of the world goes on around me. The words you spoke Suzanne pierced right to my soul. I have learned so much on this site and when I read posts like yours with such encouragement it just makes my day. I read them over and over again just to catch a phrase that will help get me through the day. Its been a tough 2 1/2 years with my son, Ben, 25yrs old now. T4Complete from motorcycle accident. I still cry every day. There are no support groups around here so this site is wonderful. You all get me through the worst of days and nights. I had to post today because I really need some good words of encouragement. Don't mean to sound so selfish...I'm not the injured one but I do feel paralyzed...by this huge hurt inside. I don't do anything social anymore other than go to work. I don't enjoy going places or seeing young couples together when I think of my son being alone with no partner. I've tried dating like I use to but I don't ever enjoy being out on a date because I think of Ben and how unfair this whole thing has been to him. I'm scared he won't find someone who will be good to him and love him for who he is. I watch him lay there and know he thinks about it. So I guess its my day to get verbal and whine to you all. I've cried for the past 6 hours while reading these posts. Just need some virtual hugs I suppose! Who ever thought a brokenheart could hurt so bad. I think of when I taught Ben to walk and talk and read and now I can't teach him to walk. Its almost like I'm failing him. Sometimes he looks at me like "why can't you do something?" because I always could, and now I can't. All I can do is say someday it will happen to keep some hope alive for us. I just want to thank all of you for being so open and honest about the challenges and triumphs and being there for all of us moms who have no other support groups. I'll shut up now....I've vented...still crying..guess that will never cease..but feel much better...thanks for being here and caring so much.