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Thread: Spousal Support

  1. #1

    Spousal Support

    My husband is a c5 incomplete. His accident was about three years ago and he is a walking quad. However, he soon developed central nerve pain, which has accelerated very rapidly.

    I love him and want to help in any way I can. However, seeing him suffer and talk about suicide daily is wearing me down. My health is beginning to suffer.

    We have tried trials, visited top specialists all over the country, not to mention the numerous medicines. He is now attending a pain clinic for alternate means of pain control. So far, no help.

    I would very much welcome any suggestions or insight from other spouses.

    Totally frazelled!

  2. #2
    Hi, Brina,

    And welcome; glad you found us. We've all been 'totally frazzled' and are quite familiar with the feelings!

    My first suggestion to you would be that if your husband is talking suicide, he needs to get with a counselor - pronto. Chronic pain can debilitate a psyche just about quicker than anything else. When I think of how grumpy I get after just a few days of a muscle ache, I can only imagine the effect it has on someone who, day in and day out, must deal with it.

    And of course, it's going to effect everyone around, no matter how supportive. It's hard enough seeing our family members dealing with the SCI, let alone feeling physical pain that we can do nothing about.

    Is he willing to see a counselor, preferably someone who deals with chronic pain and/or SCI issues? Have you thought about a counselor for yourself? Know that we're here for you whenever you need to 'vent', or just share.

    Jackie

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  3. #3
    A good pain program or clinic will offer family counseling in addition to counseling for the person with the pain. Ask about this, and be leary of the program if they offer nothing.

    (KLD)

  4. #4

    someone who know what you are going through

    Hello,
    I am new to this site but I have husband also with SCI not in a wheel chair, but pretty close to getting one. He walks with a cane, if you can call what he does walking. He had spinal surgery alittle over two years the surgery I would say did not work he is having more and more pain each and every day. He falls to the floor with pain in his legs and all the doctors we went too have no answers. I feel for you I know what it's like to stand by and watch the person you love cry out in pain and you feel helpless that's there is nothing you can do but just give him his pain medications and hope the pain goes away quick. My husband also talked about suicide alot but finally I begged him to go to a therapist, which by the way I started going first because I was besides myself I didn't know where to turn, so I found one on our health plan and then I took my husband with me after I went a few times. I really think it is helping us both. He doesn't talk about suicide anymore, well not that I know of. But please try to get your loved one to see someone soon. Or at least go yourself it may help you cope with the situation you are dealing with.
    I also take care of my parents my mom is ill and I am the only family memeber left, my two sisters and one brother died in the last 6 years all under the age of 50. So you see I have been under alot of stress, but what I do is just pick myself up and start all over again day by day. My husband is my first priorty and I pray everyday that maybe just maybe he will come around just alittle bit to cope with his disability.
    I guess what I am trying to tell you it's very hard but we ae strong and if you et some help I am sure you will get through this-not easy but just being on this site is help enough.
    Someone who knows what you are going through

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    534
    Hi There...

    My hubby is a T11 complete and in a chair. I agree with Jackie and the SCI nurse. You have been dealing with this longer than I have but wanted to lend my support. This is wonderful place to come for support. Please keep coming back.

    Love, Sieg

  6. #6
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    North Carolina, USA
    Posts
    3,399
    I don't have much in the way of suggestions as everyone here has offered good ones so far. I would echo the sentiment to go to a psychiatrist and/or counselor - both of you. SCI is so hard and then throwing horrible pain in can tip the balance to giving up. We need a sort of "Al-anon" for spouses of SCI injuries people, you know what I mean? Someone in a PM suggested wellspouse.com - I haven't yet had time to browse there, but it may be a good resource for you and me both.

    Take care and good luck, Ami
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

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