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Thread: My baby is in the jailhouse. Motherhood sucks.

  1. #21
    WFE-Somebody, I honestly don't know who, tried to break into the safe where I keep my pain meds. I can't believe ppl that steal from your home! It may have been Jake, I honestly don't know. He says it wasn't.

    It makes me afraid to be home alone, b/c these drug-addled kids are unpredictable. They probably think I have a pharmacy in there, instead of the moderate painkillers there are in there. My next-door neighbor is a cop, and am I ever happy about that!

  2. #22
    I'm sorry to hear all this, Betheny.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Wesley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny
    Adi, I appreciate your support, I really do.

    WFE, ppl keep telling me Jake should join the military. Doesn't sound like Kosovo helped your son much, or did it?
    you probably know this... but, in my experience the military is not a panacea for difficult teenagers. It's good with immature kids. We've had several family members really thrived in the Navy and ended up very goal oriented people. (Assuming that's a good thing!) we've got another one that just took up with the same kind of people that he was hanging around with before he joined and learned some real bad habits.

    And then there is the husband of our herdswoman that is struggling with PTSD and malaria from two stints in Afghanistan. A lot of broken kids coming back from there. Whenever my kids talked about the military, I tried to steer them in the direction of the Coast Guard. I always thought it would be fun to cruise around on small boats rescuing people and busting drug smugglers.

    I'm really sorry about your mother-in-law.

  4. #24
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Someplace between Nowhere and Goodbye
    Sounds like many kids in my family, and myself, and mine own. The only thing that saved us was ourselves. One day something will just click with your son, and he'll be a different person from that point forward, or at least a fundamental change will begin to take place no matter if it takes months or a few more years. Leaving him in jail is maybe something that will begin that process of maturity. Some people never have the lightbulb moment that changes their lives, and I don't know how one can tell if it'll happen.

    But your boy has a loving mom and family, you've shown us that, and now it's up to him, being 19yo and such. I hope it all works out betheny, you have a lot of sh*t happening in your life, so please don't forget to look out for yourself, and not just everyone else.
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  5. #25
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    What a mess. As if you didn't have enough troubles already. I hope things work out.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny
    WFE-Somebody, I honestly don't know who, tried to break into the safe where I keep my pain meds. I can't believe ppl that steal from your home! It may have been Jake, I honestly don't know. He says it wasn't.

    It makes me afraid to be home alone, b/c these drug-addled kids are unpredictable. They probably think I have a pharmacy in there, instead of the moderate painkillers there are in there. My next-door neighbor is a cop, and am I ever happy about that!
    They have stolen sigarettes, snuff, an ipod, a Lacoste perfume, pain med aso. I don't know what Tomas have done or the others but for sure he has taken 3 packets of sigarettes to give the boys because he is afraid of them. Happely I have a video cam to see who is calling on my door bell so I don't open for them, but they have gone through the window in Tomas' room and I am sure he has not stolen his own ipod or perfume and my three carton of sigarettes in the freeze because he did not know about them. The freeze is in the hallway, outside Tomas' room.

    Looks like we are in the same boat here and Tomas is only 12. I don't know if that is better or worse. I am afraid to talk about it to anybody, because people think it is because of my SCI I can't handle him. I know they do because they have said that from the moment I was pregnant that it was not proper. But I had my SCI with the two big ones too, and they are doing just fine.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  7. #27
    We have a family friend who's daughter was about 3 years older than me. Well-to-do family... We found out while she was in her 20's that she was doing drugs of some sort when her Mom called in the middle of the night and she had ran away from home, and my Dad had to go out looking for her. When he found her, they sat on the curb and she said "If I could just be more like Teena (I didn't do drugs)...

    Well...the abuse continued and she was in and out of rehabs several times and then when she came to our home for a cookout, she went through my Mom's nightstand drawers hunting prescription drugs. My Mom caught her at it, and made her come back and sit with us like a civilized human being.

    She finally turned her life around, calmed down, became mature, and started going to church...

    I said all that to say this...

    One day, she woke up, had a massive headache...and collapsed and died from an her living room...with her Mom watching...and nobody could save her. She was in her early 40's.

    I honestly had to wonder if she had been less abusive to her body with the drugs, would that have ever happened to her?

    I have no answers...but I thought this might be something you could relay to let him know that there are consequences down the road with continued abuse...

    My Uncle was one of those folks who was an alcoholic. He died in his 40's. It made me flee from any type drug or alcohol abuse. He used to make my Grandma pay a $15 cab fare for him to borrow $5 from her...and yet this was the same Uncle who lovingly brought me a stick of juicy fruit chewing gum every time I saw him....I was a child at the time...I couldn't figure out why my Mom cried every time she saw him. Then when I got older, and learned some things...I understood. I inherited the box of letters he wrote my Grandma. Times he was at the rehab centers...every one of them was a very sad. My Dad said he couldn't even count the times he went to try to help...and it was my Mom's brother. Tough love is what it is...tough...but it is love.

    I'm praying for you all...

    And you are right,'s NOT's HIM. {{{{Betheny and family}}}

    Take care!

    Last edited by teena; 09-14-2008 at 06:40 PM.

  8. #28
    Senior Member fishin'guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Seattle area Wash state
    Beth, sorry to hear this routine your going thru, i HAVE BEEN THRU NTHIS WITH MY 21 YR OLD FOR THE LAST 4 YRS. fIRST THING FIRST. hOW DO YOU TELL WHEN A DRUGIE/ DEALER/ USER, IS LIEING? THEIR MOUTH IS MOVING. My wife is si dumb,mymeds kept disappearing every fing month or week, I told her it was him she wouldn't beleive it.We even had it locked up, hecould find themanyplace. She'd give him piss tests, at first he flunked, the he passed for long time. I knew he was taking them she kept sayn no, he passed ,I'd again say he's taking them, not TAKING them, He's SELLING them, wake up--i was so frustrated had every day fights with her, she finally woke up, he went wacko, she called cops, he went to the padded room at the hosp for 8 hr's, they determined he was at risk of hurting himself, so off to wacko land. He was there for 3 days. At hosp she was every 3-4-5-6-10 letter word he could think of. Then and there, iI was , like he's GONE no more house for him. hah--damn mothering gene. after the 3 days he was calling and telling her how much he was gonna change. He didnt for 3 more yrs off and on. It's just like smoking, ya have towatch there every move, look at their eyes every time they come home, gad it's a full time job, and very stressful. Just what you need, huh? So sorry, I did threaten to kill on of his friends(supplier) he and his dad, they know I got guns and carry, told em, nobody would miss them except their drug addicted friends, and I could make it very hard to be found for a long long time.(this is back about 4 yrs, was still 6'2" 245 lbs, they took it serious. I have NEVER seen that kid again.
    So he /you will have to check on who he is with at all times and cut and shave' 'em till you get the right group. meanwhile you take care of your self, K?

  9. #29
    Hang in there. It will get better. I have one that is the same way, but now she's slowed down some do to her diving accident 2007, and her brother is as straight laced as they come. Good student, always and still is. Our daughter is also getting back into college and making a choice to get her degree even though its not the field she wants to major in. Before her accident she was at LSU, LA. and majoring in physical therapy. The tough love psychology does work. We always warned are two that if you get put in jail your going to stay there till the following day. Our daughter knew what jail is all about b/c their senior class at the cathloic school took them on a field trip to one of the worst prisons in LA, Angola. That was when she changed her life before going to college. Maybe this might work for your son, to give him a first hand look at what he could be heading for if he doesn't stop w/drugs, driving. Goodluck,
    Aggie Mom 2007

  10. #30
    Senior Member GoTWHeeLs's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    Oklahoma City
    Sorry to hear this Betheny. Pills are a mofo. My first day outta rehab was my first experience, filled the pain script and came home. That night my mom went to get one for me and when she came back I could see it in her face. Half of the script was gone. There were only a few people at the house, my brother, aunt, and my sons mom. It was quite the fiasco, to this day I don't know who it was. It is a constant battle watching/gaurding pills. A good friend of mine brought over some chick and next thing ya know he found her in my room going threw my pills. Crazy. I don't have pain meds here anymore, but if I did they would be on my person day and night.

    I don't have any good advice on what to do to straighten Jake out. I myself went threw alot of troubled times and the only thing that straightened me out was 2 rods and 7 screws in my neck.

    Best wishes to you and yours.
    Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

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