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Thread: My baby is in the jailhouse. Motherhood sucks.

  1. #11
    Banned adi chicago's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear Beth ....I am not a parent but I know how my Dad was feeling as a colonel [prison warden]when I did stupid things as a teen ....like fighting ,party too much and having too many girlfriends.I spent 6 hrs in jail as well ..I Kicked a drunk police officer ass and I took his gun .My Dad was very angry and he teached me to Never drink and drive ,Never fight [self defence only],use a condom always [if you are not married and like sexual adventures]....in other words ...to respect the law and not to play Superman.
    • Dum spiro, spero.
      • Translation: "As long as I breathe, I hope."

  2. #12
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    If you recall, my niece went through some rough times .. now my sister and her husband are stuck bailing her out of trouble because she's used to it.

    I agree with RehabRhino and gurly's advice about a gal in his life.

    Is he working right now or going to school? Surely those things should keep him somewhat busy!

    My niece takes her meds for 'issues' but still thinks she can drink and smoke pot ... the problem is that interacts with the meds she's taking for the 'issues' and she just cannot do it like her friends do. She'll be 24 next month and I'm hoping she gets tired of the bar scene soon. I was all over it by 22. I had my own apartment and car payments to make by then. She still has no ambition, living at home and can't manage to pay her own car insurance - evening though she's working full time at a gas station. I really worry about her and her future.

    Couldn't have been more excellent timing though when you told him things were going to change and then he ended up in the drunk tank!
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  3. #13
    I really liked the girl he just broke up with, which I think precipitated this whole crazy spell. He was working, but they cut his hours. He def needs a real job. I'm sure he has no job now. They don't give you Jail Days.

    Now he's in jail wondering if his grandma's dying. That cut his whining down some, hearing she's in ICU.

    I said "Jake, it's called consequences. You're learning them. Your grandma is in ICU. If she dies, you get to go to her funeral. You keep up the BS, and wind up in prison, you don't. Prisoners only go to funerals in movies. Now I need to do some laundry and you need to pray."

    OK, I made up the movie part but I suspect it's true.

    ETA-Addiesue, I had to cut my bro out after Jake was born. I suddenly realized I had done a poor job of defending my life from his drunken chaos, but that I'd make sure my kid wasn't exposed to it. HATED that, my bro was so good w/ boys, loved to camp and fish and was really just a boy himself. (A 49 yr old one, when he died. I guess that was the problem.) You can't expose little kids to crazy addicts. It's not safe. I do regret missing so much time with the crazy drunken SOB though...

    Jenn-Those meds don't work w/ alcohol. Duhhhh. I was done clubbing by then, too. At least every night.
    Last edited by betheny; 09-14-2008 at 03:27 PM.

  4. #14
    I am sorry for you, Beth.
    I think you do the right thing, I have my experience with difficult boys. My oldest came home from Kosova, he was a UN peace soldier, and for seven month he laid on my couch, doing nothing. No school, no job and he got 1500 dollars a month and he would not give me anything for food and housing. At that time I had much less for food and daily stuff and two other children.

    I kicked him out of the house. And now he is taking a Master degree and have a girlfriend and his own appartment and a job besides. He is doing good and I am sure if I did not kick him out, he would still have been on my couch. He is still angry on me for it, makes me sad, but I am sure I did the right thing, like I am sure you are doing the right thing.

    My small one is not the most easy either, 12 years old and going with bad boys on 14-15. I have called the police for help, I can't handle the situation alone anymore.

    I hope you find a solution for him, I don't know what kind of help you can get in the US. And I know how hard it is to ask for help, you feel like the most unsuccessful mother, I know I do.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  5. #15
    WFE, your baby is 12 now??? Wow, time flies. You must be scared to death. You keep your thumb on her, and I'll keep my thumb on mine, and maybe it will work out.

    I'd just rather be a failure b/c I tried, rather than b/c I didn't, you know? As a parent, it's always easier to let stuff slide. Until it slides right on top of us.

    I gotcher back, for what that's worth.

    Err, just realized your baby is a boy. Somehow that hlps. I was think Oh crap, a 12 yr old girl going w/ 15 yr old boys! Still trouble, hanging w/ the older kids.
    Last edited by betheny; 09-14-2008 at 03:48 PM.

  6. #16
    Banned adi chicago's Avatar
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    Damn kids they must learn what life ,health ,career means.My nephew [sister side ]get`s me crazy sometimes.Why my neck is brocken God?hmmmm...
    • Dum spiro, spero.
      • Translation: "As long as I breathe, I hope."

  7. #17
    Adi, I appreciate your support, I really do.

    WFE, ppl keep telling me Jake should join the military. Doesn't sound like Kosovo helped your son much, or did it?

  8. #18
    I am scared to death, imagine I called the preventive police last week and they will call me back tomorrow and they promised to help me. He is tall, looking much older and the boys he is with have stolen a lot of things from my house. They smoke and steal and around my house there is a lot of dealers.
    I am crossing my fingers for both our boys and hope everything is ending nice. My comfort is that the oldest one did do the right thing in the end and that Tomas is behaving nice at home at least.

    Kosovo did not help the oldest one at all. War is not the solution for boys at 20 years old.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  9. #19
    Very sorry to hear all that Betheny. My aid is going through a similar situation. Her daughter, age 28, moved back in 4 weeks ago with her BF. On friday my aid asked them to leave because she caught her daughter stealing prescription meds. The BF left respectfully, but the daughter remained, acting like she'd never been asked to leave. It was very strange. Imagine someone continuing to show up for work after they've been fired. Anyway, yesterday, early in the morning, the daughter attacked her mother, violently, and was only stopped when the police arrived, and my aid is now home recovering from injuries to her arms, face and chest.

    The daughter has no history of violence, but has been abusing drugs and would snap at her mother while under the influence. I know your situation is different in many ways, but I wanted to share the story because my aid missed an opportunity, 10 years ago, to do something about her daughter's destructive behavior, and it has only gotten worse. She forgave her then, but I'm not sure she can, now.
    "I'm lost. I'm no guide, but I'm by your side." - Pearl Jam

    "It decomposes, mendicant, therefore, truly, one calls this the world." -- Loka Sutta

  10. #20
    Banned adi chicago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by woman from Europe
    I am scared to death, imagine I called the preventive police last week and they will call me back tomorrow and they promised to help me. He is tall, looking much older and the boys he is with have stolen a lot of things from my house. They smoke and steal and around my house there is a lot of dealers.
    I am crossing my fingers for both our boys and hope everything is ending nice. My comfort is that the oldest one did do the right thing in the end and that Tomas is behaving nice at home at least.

    Kosovo did not help the oldest one at all. War is not the solution for boys at 20 years old.
    Sorry to hear .....wfe ...sad very sad.
    • Dum spiro, spero.
      • Translation: "As long as I breathe, I hope."

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