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Thread: Questions on getting married

  1. #11
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
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    Lass & LindsayS, I understand what you're saying and a part of me may agree with you. But like everything, there is more than one way to look at the issue.

    I think this boils down to the gov't penalizing people for getting married and I think that is a travesty. If we weren't married, my husband would qualify for assistance that he and I have already paid for but can't get. We can't get it because we are married. No other reason than that. We've paid for collectively over 65 years, but we can't get a penny of it. We're broke because the gov't won't help by giving back what was ours to start with.

    In a couple of weeks, I will be 52. I have worked with only a one week interruption since I was 16. That's 36 years of paying into the system and generally at the highest rate. My husband steadily paid into the system, again usually at the highest rate, for about 25 years. However, in the 10 years prior to his accident he had some other health problems and wasn't able to work all of the time. Since the last 10 years is all that SS looks at to determine your eligibility for SSDI or SSI, he didn't qualify. So, despite the fact that jointly we've paid about 65 years in at the highest rates, we are getting absolutely nothing back from the gov't. He also doesn't qualify for Medicaid because I supposedly make too much money. Forget the fact that every penny I make goes to pay our bills which have increased substantially because of his SCI. Forget that we've already spent the retirement that we worked all those years for because doctors want to be paid and medicines must be bought. Forget that we're further in debt than we've been in our lives with no hope of ever catching up again. And this because we can't get out any of what we put in SIMPLY BECAUSE WE ARE MARRIED.
    Would I lie in order to get back part of what I've paid in? You betcha.

    As a young person just starting out in life and in love, would I lie to keep the person I love and want to spend my life with from having to spend it in poverty because the gov't insists on taking away MY benefits? Yes. If these people live together, the gov't doesn't care in the least and yet the financial situation is the same as being married. If they marry, they get cut off. What is fair about that?

  2. #12
    Originally posted by martha:

    Would I lie in order to get back part of what I've paid in? You betcha.

    As a young person just starting out in life and in love, would I lie to keep the person I love and want to spend my life with from having to spend it in poverty because the gov't insists on taking away MY benefits? Yes. If these people live together, the gov't doesn't care in the least and yet the financial situation is the same as being married. If they marry, they get cut off. What is fair about that?
    I get your point but,
    What is fair about my working a 40hr week, paying my attendants most all my income, federal and state unemployment taxes, bwc, liability ins, medicare, their and my share of social security, ect and not even being called "disabled" by SOcial Security anymore.
    the answer? Nothing

    If people choose to marry, they should deal with it or legislate for change just like the rest of the "legal" tax paying population.

    You wonder why their is so much Medicaid fraud, its people who "screw" the system like you. Life is not easy, but better live it legal cause you could be in major fraud trouble. I see people cheating all the time, deep down it really burns my butt.

    I think some states have provisions to keep spouses on medicaid, you need to investigate. Never hurts to try.

  3. #13
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
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    --------------------------------
    posted by Lizbv

    You wonder why their is so much Medicaid fraud, its people who "screw" the system like you.
    --------------------------------

    Since you were directly quoting my post, I assume you have just accused me of screwing the system. Back up. I have NEVER screwed the system. Yes I did say I would lie if I could get back part of what I've paid in but I can't and I haven't and I won't. I certainly may have lead you to believe that I don't mind if young lovers "screw" the system in your opinion by having a reglious wedding and living together, but I heartily resent being accused of screwing it myself. Rather than screwing (the system), like Jimmy Carter, I've just lusted in my heart (in my case after my long gone $$).

  4. #14
    ok
    sorry to "accuse" you.

  5. #15
    Senior Member mattcorregan's Avatar
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    lass and Lindsey

    So, are the people that decide just to live together without being married cheating you out of your tax dollars also?

    It just so happens that the current legislation in most states inadvertently discriminates against marriage. What's wrong with being married in the 'eyes of God' and enjoying the same financial benefits of people who choose to live together and not be married? Just because you promise to love 'for richer or poorer' doesn't mean you stop making good financial decisions together.

    Everybody,

    It's not fair for any of us who are disabled, who have or have not paid into the government system for many years, to not receive assistance when we most need it -- married or not. We all need to lobby for changes in legislation that benefit all of us. That way people will not need to work two jobs, pay their own insurance, pay for their own PCAs, send loved ones to nursing homes, etc, etc.

    Matt

  6. #16
    This is in very late post to "lass" regarding my message about our pending wedding and her disagreement about the whole situation.

    martha and mattc thank for your well thought words!!

    And "lass" YES I DO!! Just to clarify here, yes Shawn (C234 injury) is on SS, and i am currently working 2 fulltime jobs- with a possible 3rd partime to just offset the costs we have and top it off with being oncall 24 hours a day 7 days a week, 365 a year. Am i cheating the government - definately not in my eyes. I am working my butt off and paying very high taxes into this system of government. We have been together before, during and after this life event and will continue to be together. Dealing with a lot of the same issues you probally are - PCA's who don't show up, pulling down 24 + hours with maybe 2 hours of sleep and money problems.

    If you have a problem with that you are all entitled to do so. If you don't understand it or agree with it so be it. Our situation has forced him to get rid of all his assets and has made me the principle wage earner even with what SS is giving him i am still supporting him and getting no recognition for it and no gains. Current legislation has forced our hand in that we have to marry this way until they change NO we change the system.

    We are checking into his working again and he will hopefully be up and wheeling - earning an income of his own and get off of most of the assistance they have given him so far with the ever present threat that they are going to continue to cut the little bit he does get - we have a spenddown that does not include a lot if incidentals for daily living just for him. You add 2 people to that equation and it is very challenging. Our state -fortunately- has a program that we just became aware of that may allow 'legal' spouses to have seperate incomes as long as he is employed.
    I have consistently worked since I was 11 years old and the majority of my working life I have pulled down more than 2 jobs at a time and yes i even pay taxes.
    Shawn has worked since he was 12 years old and paid taxes the entire time.

    We are not cheating the government. The government taxes me at a much higher tax rate with no deductions because having to work more than one 40 hour a week job - that would be a dream right now if it was just 40 hours. Maybe if we had millions of dollars than we could just send it off to offshore accounts but that is not our situation.

    Technically if your living with your love interest aren't you doing the same thing without labeling it marriage? Just as you and other posts do not understand our way of thinking we certainly do not understand yours.

  7. #17
    Senior Member KDK513's Avatar
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    Too bad so much money has been wasted over the years on pet projects of our illustrious leaders. If common sense would prevail instead of political correctness, if those entrusted with tax payers money would take ownership and act responsibly instead of frivolously, then at the end of the day when the bill comes due, maybe we could afford important things such as assisting those who wish to live independently. For those who wish to beat the system... there would be no system without those who pay into it!

  8. #18
    Originally posted by KDK:

    Too bad so much money has been wasted over the years on pet projects of our illustrious leaders. If common sense would prevail instead of political correctness, if those entrusted with tax payers money would take ownership and act responsibly instead of frivolously, then at the end of the day when the bill comes due, maybe we could afford important things such as assisting those who wish to live independently. For those who wish to beat the system... there would be no system without those who pay into it!
    KDK Just a fyi- we (I and Shawn) are paying into the 'system' dearly 40%+ of my checks go into the system and we fight daily to maintain the bit of independence we currently have as well as vote for overhauls. My 100 hours a week are funding the monies that we do use as well as his bit of money that he does get.

  9. #19
    Originally posted by lass:

    .... how do you reconcile calling yourselves married 'in the eyes of God' while doing it this way specifically to cheat the government? What I'm hearing is that you want all the benefits of a legal marriage without any of the burdens. 'In sickness and in health...' I'd never leave him/her because of illness/injury. 'For richer, for poorer' Well, we dont want to be poor, so we just wont register our 'marriage'. Or do you just not include the 'for richer or poorer' phrase in your ceremonies?
    I don't see the answer to my question, which wasn't about whether the government 'owes' someone a certain standard of living, but about how you see it as a moral choice. I don't care how much you've paid in taxes over the years, or whether someone else gets better benefits because they aren't married. Because everyone else does it, that makes it moral? It just seems you want the benefits of marriage without the price. You want the community to see you as married. Why? And no, I don't live with my boyfriend.

  10. #20
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    I totally understand the arguments posted here on both sides but haven't seen some suggestions that made a huge difference in J's life. (J is T5) and last summer when we met most of his disability - over 50% went toward paying for his prescriptions since Medicaid didn't cover that - not to mention the expenses incurred with normal ADL stuff (ky jelly, catheters,etc.)

    To make a long story short - I was able to get applications - and approval from the pharmaceutical companies to cover (FREE) his ditropan, imiprimine, minocyline, etc. as each had a "patient assistance program."
    I began buying the KY jelly by the case - 20 tubes - (12.00) at a medical supply store instead of him paying 7.00 for one tube.

    In a matter of weeks he was able to actually begin to use part of his income for something besides living...

    Nope we don't live together, we are the best of friends, but technically not even boyfriend/girlfriend.

    As a Christian who believes in good stewardship I understand the impulse/thought of both sides.
    But I have also been continually amazed at the unexpected ways that things can be obtained cheaper if you investigate and ask the right people. Things were a little easier for us because my day job involves a lot of case management for patients so I knew who to call with the different drug companies.

    I hope this helps - Almost every drug company has a website, and many have patient assistance programs with applications online that you can submit. I also know the advantage financially of ordering supplies/buying in bulk from medical supply stores.

    Hang in there!!

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