View Poll Results: are you ok with your injury?

Voters
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  • has it helped you?

    13 5.65%
  • has it ruined your life?

    104 45.22%
  • did it save your life?

    13 5.65%
  • are you just ok with it and keeping on?

    100 43.48%
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Thread: how many really think they deserved this injury or benefitted by it?

  1. #51
    Senior Member DaleB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeus
    Cali,

    I think I agree with most of what you're saying, but as I get older the less 'grateful' I am for the lessons SCI taught me.

    It definitely forces you to mature etc., but at 33 most of my friends have a carefree independent existence I can only dream about as a C5 complete quad. Though, I don't think you mean to suggest the price was worth the lessons. I think you're just choosing to make lemonade out of lemons - which is pretty much my life motto.

    As for SCI 'helping', I used to believe that when I was younger. But now, with the perspective of age, I realise it was a coping mechanism. I chose to believe SCI has given me something positive as a way to reconcile and comprehend the utter devastation of it all.

    Frankly, I'll take the ignorant bliss of a non-SCI existence any day.

    Chris.
    Chris - reading your post reminded me that SCI, like disability in general, is a continuum. e.g. high cervical, ventilator required injuries on one end and low lumbar/sacral incomplete injuries with easy ambulation on the other. i guess how we each feel is likely in no small part related to what we have left after an injury like ours.

    re: coping mechanisms. emotional coping mechanisms are an important part of reducing stress in situations like ours - and are what most psycho-therapists focus on when the underlying condition can't be addressed directly.

    "realised it was a coping mechanism" doesn't mean it was bad, wrong, or unhealthy, does it? there are both destructive (anger projection, co-dependency, drugs, alcohol, etc) as well as constructive coping skills ("making lemonade", as you say!).

    why has age discouraged the making of the lemonade? (fyi - i'm older than you, but i am but an 'infant' in the SCI world, not yet 3 years post, so this is my interest - wondering what the future may hold?) do you think it's more a function of your "SCI age" than the # of times you've flown around the sun, in toto?

    -D.B.
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  2. #52
    Senior Member Zeus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daleb
    "realised it was a coping mechanism" doesn't mean it was bad, wrong, or unhealthy, does it? there are both destructive (anger projection, co-dependency, drugs, alcohol, etc) as well as constructive coping skills ("making lemonade", as you say!).
    Dale, I didn't mean to suggest coping mechanisms are bad. I think the way I dealt with SCI really helped me when I was younger.

    Quote Originally Posted by Daleb
    why has age discouraged the making of the lemonade? (fyi - i'm older than you, but i am but an 'infant' in the SCI world, not yet 3 years post, so this is my interest - wondering what the future may hold?) do you think it's more a function of your "SCI age" than the # of times you've flown around the sun, in toto?
    I've been a C5 complete quad for 26.5 years - had my accident when I was 7. No doubt, all of these factors contribute to one's emotional journey.

    Age definitely has not discouraged me from "making lemonade" - my apologies for giving you that impression. I still feel good about life and yes, SCI possibly has made me a "better" person. It has definitely changed who I would have become.

    However, I no longer think there was a purpose for my SCI. I no longer think it "saved" me. It was just some shitty bad luck.

    Chris.
    Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist wrapped in blood! Larry in 'Closer', a play by Partick Marber

  3. #53
    Senior Member Zeus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cali
    yeah, i'm sure i'll feel differently about it later in life, like when i have kids and i can't go every place they do (like in cabinets or up a few stairs to get away from me...knowing myself, i will have sneaky little toddlers like that) but for now, i'll just keep my ideals. maybe this is my ignorant bliss
    I think the last decade - from 23 to 33 - is when my opinion really changed. Up until the end of university my life wasn't impacted that much.

    But, for example, over Xmas my best friend went on a skiing trip to Whistler, Canada. Were it not for being a C5 complete, I would have been right there with him.

    I have missed out on so many experiences in adulthood because of SCI. SCI is no friend of mine.

    Chris.
    Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist wrapped in blood! Larry in 'Closer', a play by Partick Marber

  4. #54
    Senior Member DaleB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeus

    [...]
    I've been a C5 complete quad for 26.5 years
    [...]
    my hat's off to you, and all the 'old timers' out there. i hope i can manage to maintain as positive an outlook as you have, if i am fortunate enough to be here in a couple more decades.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeus

    However, I no longer think there was a purpose for my SCI. I no longer think it "saved" me. It was just some shitty bad luck.

    Chris.
    ahhh...yes...i missed the 'purpose' part of that. i totally agree. if it weren't for my spiritual leanings i'd be hard pressed to find a 'purpose' in this injury already, and it's only been a couple years!

    thanks, bro.

    cheers,
    dale b.
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  5. #55
    Senior Member dnvrdave's Avatar
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    I could choose any of those answers by putting my perspective there (and I do for moments, most days), but I'd say it mostly 1) helped me and 4) I'm ok with it.

    The biggest impact though is that it made my life harder (but that wasn't one of the poll choices). It takes more time and attention to do most things, or I have to get help from someone. And even though the disability movement has made room for lots of opportunity and resource in the U.S., AB's still rule regarding accessibility and body image (e.g. dating is harder).

    I still grieve (after 23 years of this) for stuff I lost (like when a toddler hands me his raisin and I can't take it from him), and I even want OUT when my body refuses to cooperate or I'm sick of the effort it takes.

    But I get to do the same career I always wanted to do, I'm more connected with people than I would have been (more honest and real), I manage to stay healthy and be pain free without addictions or meds, and I've had to ask and answer the question over and over again, "What really matters to me?"

    After all this time, I'm finally starting to notice the "specialness" thing that I've probably been deluded by. People are often happy when they see me just because I can function well with a disability. They give me "extra credit". I wonder if I'd be depressed as an AB because I'd get so much less positive attention, being so ordinary.
    Last edited by dnvrdave; 09-07-2008 at 10:20 PM.

  6. #56
    i have found so many answers here very heartfelt, useful and thought provoking. my poll was not so good. i tried to make it short. ty for so many answers and comments. based on that, what can i do to make poll better? or, are we all just sick of this? i'm really surprised by the reads on this thread. and have learned a lot by those sharing experences.

  7. #57
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    Cass, your poll/thread demonstrates what so many miss when posting and others seem to know intuitively. Covering even close to a maximum of possible choices mayn't be the way to go to get members to engage and come forward. Notice how Adi's topics used to generate a huge amt. of interest and participation? The informal way you opened this one made many feel relaxed and open to respond.

    Anyway, I'm rambling but I think/hope you get what I'm saying.
    "The world will not perish for want of wonders but for want of wonder."
    J.B.S.Haldane

  8. #58
    yes..of course..my injury turned my life up down..had to sacrifice much..but i beleive karma..may be some past karmas..i m grateful to god that he have given me good family, bro sis, frds to let me face courageously..

  9. #59
    Quote Originally Posted by Zeus
    I think the last decade - from 23 to 33 - is when my opinion really changed. Up until the end of university my life wasn't impacted that much.

    But, for example, over Xmas my best friend went on a skiing trip to Whistler, Canada. Were it not for being a C5 complete, I would have been right there with him.

    I have missed out on so many experiences in adulthood because of SCI. SCI is no friend of mine.

    Chris.
    I have to agree with Chris and the majority of what he has said in this thread. Disability is NOT a friend IMO..it is a brutal neverending intrusion and a dominant pain in the ass to boot. All the romance attributed to it kinda makes me gag.
    Life isn't about getting thru the storm but learning to dance in the rain.

  10. #60
    after reading every single post i feel so much different than a lot of people. Cali your thoughts are right on. You are capable of doing anything you want to do even if you are in a wheelchair, its about getting out there and doing it!! The first few months after my injury weren't easy but who is to say life is easy. I get to see the sunrise every morning and the sunset every night. You are alive!! I am only 23 and you know what i am going to go back to school and drive and go out and get a nice job that pays my bills. i am going to go water rafting and play tennis and go skiing. because i can do whatever i put my mind to and so can everyone else. Sorry if this post offends anyone, this is just how i feel. You know you deal with cathing and bowels and pressure sores but your lifes not over, those are just road bumps in life. My life before was nothing but late payments, power getting shut off, water getting shut off, credit collecters, parking tickets, excessive drinking, constantly working, hanging out with people I didn't even like just because they were at the bar with me, smoking, blowing all my money and never knowing where it went, living in a college type apartment with roommates and drama... it all ended when I had my SCI. I now spend quality time with my family, I'm working towards driving and passed my test, I go to the rehab center and stand and workout, I budget my money and get to spend time with my significant other every day. No drama. It's like a rainbow is always shining over us. It's makes all those little things that come along with SCI just small puzzle pieces compared to the whole puzzle.
    T-7 Complete
    "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

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